I was born on a poor dirt farm in Missoura where my family raised retards and midgets. Depending on anticipated market conditions, we would either feed the midgets to the retards, or vice-versa. One year, my father guessed wrong, and we were stuck selling fat and sassy retards to a public that wanted only midgets. Mom fed dad to the retards, I threw Mom over my shoulder and dragged her off to a cave in the mountains, and from that moment on the course of my life was set.