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CHUNK OF ADULT LIFE TAKEN

The Age’s Traceeee Hutchison:

Call me a slow learner if you like ...

You’re a slow learner!

... but it’s taken a huge chunk of my adult life to work out that alcohol doesn’t really agree with me.

Neither does sobriety, judging by this:

In the space of minutes I can move from being just a little bit over-excited to desperately in need of a place to lie down immediately — preferably with the juice of half a lemon and hot water to cleanse to demon drink from my system.

Posted by Tim B. on 02/02/2007 at 12:46 PM
  1. It would take a lot more than half a fucking lemon and hot water to rid my body of the demon drink Karl Rove made me sip when I went through the three Masonic rituals to becoming a henchman.  It still burns in my veins.

    But, um, yeah, it’s worth it.

    Posted by wronwright on 2007 02 02 at 01:06 PM • permalink

  2. Well, we “don’t really agree with her,” either. But that’s nothing that half a lemon is going to fix.

    Posted by m on 2007 02 02 at 01:12 PM • permalink

  3. Drunk or sober,
    As dumb as a plover

    Posted by paco on 2007 02 02 at 01:22 PM • permalink

  4. Sober or drunk,
    The charm of a skunk.

    Posted by paco on 2007 02 02 at 01:30 PM • permalink

  5. Hot water and lemon
    or Alabama Slammers
    this chick is dumb
    as a box of hammers.

    Posted by Latino on 2007 02 02 at 01:42 PM • permalink

  6. Hey, a special appearance by a distinguished Australian at Wuzzadem!

    Posted by paco on 2007 02 02 at 01:48 PM • permalink

  7. I read Traceeeeeeee’s article and essentially what she is admitting is that after a couple of drinks she will roll over backwards with her legs in the air.

    Posted by Hank Reardon on 2007 02 02 at 02:22 PM • permalink

  8. “If my own experience of trying to gently abstain from alcohol with my relationships intact is anything to go by, it’s little wonder people more than half my age are drinking themselves silly just to fit in.”

    What sort of ‘friends’ cut you out of a relationship because you don’t drink? Jeez, Trace, if you are still worrying about what the ‘cool kids’ are thinking at your age then alcohol is the least of your problems.

    /sober since 28th Dec ‘06

    Posted by Villeurbanne on 2007 02 02 at 02:27 PM • permalink

  9. #7 Hank, I still ain’t gonna touch that with my a ten foot pole.

    Posted by rbj1 on 2007 02 02 at 02:55 PM • permalink

  10. ...it’s taken a huge chunk of my adult life to work out that alcohol doesn’t really agree with me.


    That’s true of a lot of people. I can respect that. What I find harder to respect is that she doesn’t stay the hell away from it, and instead resorts to bullshit remedies like “the juice of half a lemon and hot water.”

    /sober since 1 Feb 2007

    Posted by ErnieG on 2007 02 02 at 02:57 PM • permalink

  11. but it’s taken a huge chunk of my adult life to work out that alcohol doesn’t really agree with me.

    In other words, she’s an alcoholic but she’s just not ready for rehab yet.  Honey, lemon and hot water won’t do it.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 02 02 at 02:57 PM • permalink

  12. #11

    Rehab is for quitters. (Giving up alcohol for Lent this year, just to make Baby Jebus stop crying),

    Posted by JohnO on 2007 02 02 at 03:18 PM • permalink

  13. Well I haven’t had a drink in 25 years.  Not that I have anything against drinking or was called by some higher moral calling or such.  It’s just that I am a cheap bastard and I figured that I could use the money spent drinking to continue working on the development of the deathray machine in my basement. 

    I’m patient, work continues…..

    Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2007 02 02 at 03:35 PM • permalink

  14. I’m drunk at the moment, and the sheer idea of drinking the juice of half a lemon & hot water at this point in time is making me a damn sight more ill than any of the alcohol I’ve had…

    What’s next in her top ten remedies? Brine? Not the sort of ‘cleansing’ I’m in favour of thankyouverymuch.

    Posted by pache on 2007 02 02 at 03:56 PM • permalink

  15. Good Lord, if her friends can talk her into drinking, she’s admitting she can be talked into anything.

    Does this explain how she got her job?

    Posted by ushie on 2007 02 02 at 03:57 PM • permalink

  16. Sounds more like a manic-depressive state to me.

    One pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small

    And the one that mother gives you doesn’t do anything at all.

    Posted by yojimbo on 2007 02 02 at 03:59 PM • permalink

  17. it’s taken a huge chunk of my adult life to work out that alcohol doesn’t really agree with me.

    That explains why she hasn’t had any time to get educated about, well, basically everything else in life.

    Posted by PW on 2007 02 02 at 04:12 PM • permalink

  18. The price you pay for not having enough Irish blood.

    /Sober since this morning

    Posted by Henry boy on 2007 02 02 at 04:12 PM • permalink

  19. What a child.  The demon drink seems to have delayed normal maturation, probably the result of a massive die-off of brain cells.  That would explain a lot.

    Posted by saltydog on 2007 02 02 at 04:45 PM • permalink

  20. Lemon with hot water. 

    I’d be throwing up my immortal soul. Yech. 

    Sober since ah, let’s see, last September at the beach. 

    Elizabeth
    Imperial Keeper

    Posted by Elizabeth Imperial Keeper on 2007 02 02 at 05:05 PM • permalink

  21. What is it with Lefties?  So enlightened, so educated, so full of compassion one moment…and a screaming, drippy-mascara’d mess, slumped and sobbing in the corner the next (and that’s just the males).  And anyway, I feel sorry for people who don’t drink: when they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.

    Posted by cuckoo on 2007 02 02 at 05:08 PM • permalink

  22. I was surprised to learn that Traceee has an adult life. Hitherto I was under the impression she was a teenager.

    Posted by walterplinge on 2007 02 02 at 05:26 PM • permalink

  23. It’s catching!
    This morning one reporter on ABC news from the USA said something about the Iraq situation including words to the effect of “unless something isn’t done”, reversing the intended meaning. He was probably sober, although possibly also bipolar. Even I knew that the correct form of words is “unless nuffink aint done”.

    Posted by blogstrop on 2007 02 02 at 05:29 PM • permalink

  24. What a crybaby.  Her problem is that she is putting the lemon in the wrong orifice.

    Posted by Mystery Meat on 2007 02 02 at 05:30 PM • permalink

  25. CHUNK OF ADULT LIFE TAKEN

    Traceeeeeeee is an adult?

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 02 02 at 06:26 PM • permalink

  26. #24 She should put it in her ear?

    Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 02 02 at 06:36 PM • permalink

  27. Now waitaminit, guys. Is this Traceeeee over 200lbs? Lost a fight with a barbed-wire installer? Perhaps I should give her a… ah, phone her.

    Regards,
    Ric
    Celibate since… no, I ain’t tellin’

    Posted by Ric Locke on 2007 02 02 at 06:46 PM • permalink

  28. IF you’re that drunk, you’re not going to be in a position to fart around with lemons.  No, you need the fingers down the throat job.

    Posted by anthony_r on 2007 02 02 at 07:12 PM • permalink

  29. #27
    Here’s a picture of her to cure your curiosity.
    Just turn up on her doorstep with a couple of shooters of tequila and “In the space of minutes I[Traceee] can move from being just a little bit over-excited to desperately in need of a place to lie down immediately”

    Posted by Hank Reardon on 2007 02 02 at 07:15 PM • permalink

  30. #8 good point.

    it’s people who go vego that give me the shits. you know, the tits who come over for the usual monstrous roast dinner with 2 legs of lamb & a couple of barrow loads of matching veggies with home made gravy (i spit on your gravox) &, instead of just eating the veg, make a big deal of saying i don’t eat meat any more , like they were new-minted saints or somefink rather than attention seeking tossers. those you have to cut out of your life immediatement

    Posted by KK on 2007 02 02 at 07:16 PM • permalink

  31. #21

    What is it with Lefties?  So enlightened, so educated, so full of compassion one moment…and a screaming, drippy-mascara’d mess, slumped and sobbing in the corner the next

    It does see to be a unusually common personality defect among the young lefties. Part of growing up, I think. Now Traceeeeee is sober, she might also realise that all her favourite left-wing causes that sounded so plausible when she was smashed are now so embarrassingly inane.  That’s part of growing up, too, Traceeeeee.

    Posted by Contrail on 2007 02 02 at 07:45 PM • permalink

  32. I don’t understand why she writes this pathetic and embarrassing drivel about her personal weaknesses. Who comes up with the idea? The editor or her? If it’s the editor, then he is a very cruel man. (“let’s see how we can make Traccee look even more foolish this week. Can we top last week’s effort? By golly we probably can!”)

    Someone really needs to show Traccee the aisle in the supermarkets that sell soft drinks and explain to her what a Lemon Lime & bitters is.

    Posted by Junia on 2007 02 02 at 07:59 PM • permalink

  33. Traceeeeee is right to be worried, she really can’t afford to lose any adulthood.

    Posted by Craig Mc on 2007 02 02 at 08:02 PM • permalink

  34. And with a bit of Dowd-ifying, we get the explanation for the existence of her newspaper columns - the editor is simply taking pity on her. To wit:

    In the space of minutes I can move from being just a little bit over-excited to desperately in need of a place to lie ... immediately

    Posted by PW on 2007 02 02 at 08:28 PM • permalink

  35. #29 Thanks. Hmm. The hatchet is on the floor by my desk, and I didn’t instinctively reach for it. Can’t justifiably go after other people’s looks; I do own a mirror.

    Just under half a one-liter bottle of Jim Beam Black on the sideboard. Got a phone number?

    Regards,
    Ric

    Posted by Ric Locke on 2007 02 02 at 08:46 PM • permalink

  36. I went to work sober once.  Not a mistake I’ll make twice.

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 02 02 at 09:03 PM • permalink

  37. Oh, that explains the dumb-ass columns she’s written.  She was drunk.  Okay.

    Posted by David Crawford on 2007 02 02 at 09:23 PM • permalink

  38. For gawd sakes. If you can’t handle your piss, step aside and give those of us who can more room at the bar.

    If only they gave government grants for being a piss artist. I’d be rich beyond the dreams of avarice.

    On a brighter note, thanks to this blog I’ve found out about 2 women who’ll drop their pants for one sip of sweet liquor. On a sour note they turn out to be Marieke Hardy and Tracee Hutchison. Still, you gotta slay a lot of dragons to get to the princess.

    Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 02 02 at 09:45 PM • permalink

  39. MacBeth: What four things does drink
          especially provoke?

    Porter: Marry, sir
          nosepainting, sleep and urine
          Lechery, sir it provokes and unprovokes
          It provokes the desire
          but it takes away the performance
          Oh, and it turns lefty bints into raving sociopathic sluts.

    Posted by Dminor on 2007 02 02 at 10:03 PM • permalink

  40. Hot water and lemon
    Oe activated charcoal
    This chick is as ugly
    As a hatful of arseholes.

    Posted by Young and Free on 2007 02 02 at 10:34 PM • permalink

  41. Infidel Tiger

    “Still, you gotta slay a lot of dragons to get to the princess.”

    Dont tell wronwright, hes been under the impression the saying was “you have to slay a lot of dragons with a zulu spear”. Sort of one of Karls character building exercises I think.
    Or it may be cruelty, hes never that big on expalanations.

    Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 02 02 at 10:47 PM • permalink

  42. I thought lefties were supposed to be altruistic types whose constant concern was for those “marginalized” by society, the “losers of life’s lottery”, persons of color, the poor and the defenseless (well, except for the most defenseless of course).  Turns out they are a pathetic bunch of mean little narcissistic whiners who live in the biggest houses in town and who are consumed by their own self importance and couldn’t give a crap about the poor except as a salve for their own guilt.
    Give me the old bull lefties who could swill vodka all night and still bump off a couple   hundred reactionaries before breakfast.

    Posted by Vanguard of the Commentariat on 2007 02 02 at 10:52 PM • permalink

  43. When I discovered I was getting addicted to drinking beer I gave it up.
    Now I just drink whiskey.

    Posted by waussie on 2007 02 02 at 11:06 PM • permalink

  44. Get a look at this rouges gallery.
    Chavez to be invited to Oz.

    They even have a petition to add your name to. Not that Id suggest making up immature joke names or anything….
    Signed I.P. Daily

    Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 02 02 at 11:11 PM • permalink

  45. Blairs law strikes again!!!
    Heres the list of inital signitories. (Ive picked out the best the list is quite long.)

    Antony Loewenstein Independent Journalist, Keysar Trad Islamic Friendship Association

    Warren Mundine National President of the ALP in 2006, Lee Rhiannon Member of the Legislative Council NSW (Greens), John Pilger Independent Journalist, Tim Anderson Lecturer, Faculty of Economics and Business, University of Sydney,and the list goes on. Apparently you can recieve the full list on the website.

    Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 02 02 at 11:17 PM • permalink

  46. Sorry forgot the link.

    here it is.

    Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 02 02 at 11:20 PM • permalink

  47. “... but it’s taken a huge chunk of my adult life to work out that alcohol doesn’t really agree with me.”

    This just shows how much she drinks. She can’t fucken think properly at all.

    Posted by The Best Infidel on 2007 02 02 at 11:31 PM • permalink

  48. #44: “Chavez to Be Invited to Oz”

    “Phil Adams Has First Orgasm in Twenty Years”

    “Terry Lane Says, ‘It’s true. I Checked It Out’”.

    “Margo Blows Dust Off Of Hope Chest”

    “Marieke Hardy Breaks Up With Pinball Machine, Confesses Desire to Wallow With Charismatic Venezuelan Leader on Sawdust Floor of ‘Chez Bogan Bar and Grill’ in Werribee”

    “Antony Lowenstein Hopes to Sell Another Book”

    Posted by paco on 2007 02 02 at 11:36 PM • permalink

  49. Paco:
    That chest? No hope!

    Cheers

    Posted by J.M. Heinrichs on 2007 02 02 at 11:56 PM • permalink

  50. If Traceeeee wants to get off the grog, I suggest she converts to Islam.
    Problem solved instantly.

    Posted by Bonmot on 2007 02 03 at 12:37 AM • permalink

  51. If Traceeeee wants to get off the grog, I suggest she converts to Islam.
    Problem solved instantly.

    Having clicked the link at #29, the burkha would solve another problem.

    Posted by Achillea on 2007 02 03 at 01:25 AM • permalink

  52. Lemon juice and water is a old recipe for a means of intimate femine hygiene.
    Hygiene and pucker power.

    Posted by kiwinews on 2007 02 03 at 01:59 AM • permalink

  53. Re: the list of Chavez petitioners

    While Kevin Rudd tries to woo big business, so many of his own party remain as deeply attached to good old fashioned Marxists as they did in the 1950s. Is this an indication that behind the reassurances, Labor is planning to nationalise industry?


    Also this:

    Phillip Adams (broadcaster and Republican of the Year 2006)

    Understand the broad part but when did he join the Republican Party? Does Bush know?

    Posted by Contrail on 2007 02 03 at 04:09 AM • permalink

  54. #54

    I think “Republican of the Year” in this case means that Phat Fill hated the queen more in 2006 than anyone else.

    Posted by AlburyShifton on 2007 02 03 at 04:47 AM • permalink

  55. #29 Holy snapping camelcrap, Hank, post a ‘DANGER!! You many lose your dinner if you click this link!!’ alert with something as so truly horrible.

    I wouldn’t root that with Bill Clinton’s dick.

    Eeeeewwww

    MarkL
    /not sober since this afternoon

    Posted by MarkL on 2007 02 03 at 06:26 AM • permalink

  56. Just a quiet beverage at home this afternoon to help me cope with the heat.
    The memory of the pain that followed the ‘06 Christmas party is still vivid. I pray that it remains so.

    Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 02 03 at 06:51 AM • permalink

  57. MarkL
    Just quietly I’m with you on that one but Ric Locke up at #35 thinks otherwise.
    I’m struggling with what advise to give him. What can you possibly say to somebody that obviously has been manning a weatherstation in Antarctica solo for 10 years.

    Posted by Hank Reardon on 2007 02 03 at 06:58 AM • permalink

  58. Here’s an interesting essay at Gates of Vienna by British author Paul Weston,
    Questioning the Sanity of Liberals

    Posted by Mike_W on 2007 02 03 at 07:01 AM • permalink

  59. ... but it’s taken a huge chunk of my adult life to work out that alcohol doesn’t really agree with me.

    Well, you should have started at twelve like us sensible drinkers.

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 02 03 at 12:16 PM • permalink

  60. Alcohol not only agrees with me, it insists.

    Posted by Henry boy on 2007 02 03 at 08:53 PM • permalink

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