<< THING IS, RAFF IS RIGHT ~ MAIN ~ NEW YORK MONEY PEOPLE >>
COLDENING EXPLAINED
Military climatologist Alec Baldwin:
If you don’t think there is a link between the weather and Iraq, you are wrong.
Well, count me among the wrong, then. Meanwhile, evil President Bush’s increase of troop numbers in Iraq seems to have had a chilling effect on California:
Prepare for near record cold weather beginning tonight.
That’s the message to Californians from the Governor’s Office of Emergency Services and the state’s Health and Human Services Agency.
The National Weather Service predicts temperatures in the Bay Area will drop into the 20s and 30s tonight and Thursday, followed by daytime temperatures in the mid 40s.
Hmmm. Al Gore recently purchased a Californian condo.
(Via Daniel F. and Ed Driscoll)
Alec Baldwin’s head cavity is a kind of Marianna Trench of idiocy. Check out this line: “Our country must lead the way in global energy strategies that will, somehow, convince countries like China not to spend decades to come burning trillions of tons of fossil fuels to grow their economies in the way we did.” Love that “somehow”; a little light on the details aren’t you, Alec? Maybe the Chinese are burning additional fuel to fend off the chilly blast of the Gore effect - Gore, as noted elsewhere here, having bought a condo in San Francisco.
How about the Chinese use Alec Baldwin as an energy source, in lieu of oil? He can run on a treadmill, spin wind turbines with his rants, or just be tossed into a furnace to warm an apartment building.
God knows we can send them that lunatic—we have plenty to spare.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 01 11 at 11:06 AM • permalinkGlobal warming in Iraq is just another example of that famous American sense of fair play. American soldiers are so formidable that it isn’t enough to have them chasing guys in bathrobes and slippers while carrying 60+ pounds of gear and armor as a handicap, we’re gonna do it in heat hot enough to melt their bootsoles.
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 01 11 at 11:44 AM • permalink“If you don’t think there is a link between the weather and Iraq, you are wrong.”
Well, this explains everything! How could I have missed it? Silly me.
We should put Alec in charge of stopping global warming. All he has to do is keep his mouth shut. Keep all that hot air inside instead of spewing it into the atmosphere. Just think… he could single handedly save the world!
BTW, I’d to thank Algore for the renewed cold weather here in eastern Washington. We had near-spring time temperatures here for a while, now it’s back to sub-freezing. Make up your mind, Mother Gaia™!
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 01 11 at 12:12 PM • permalinkBlair’s Law
“the ongoing process by which the world’s multiple idiocies are becoming one giant, useless force.”
Baldwin’s Law
“The ongoing development of a theory linking all the leftist talking points”
My suggestion, quit your job and move to a cabin in the mountains.
I’d rather that Baldwin move to an ice floe in the Arctic. That way, he can be one with the polar bears.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 01 11 at 12:30 PM • permalinkWhy do semi-famous actors always seem to think someone cares about their ridiculous opinions?
Because no one ever tells them they’re idiots. They hear—all day, every day—that they’re “brilliant” and “gifted”. Special ceremonies filled with rich, famous, beautiful people are held to tell them how special they all are—ceremonies that are broadcast worldwide and which, for some reason, are treated as news events more important than War news.
I listened to Sean Hannity on the radio yesterday evening. He played a clip of Baldwin trying to do a radio show. It was atrocious. I believe I could do better, heck, I have a five-year-old niece who could probably do better. He was stammering, giving and almost continuous stream of “um” and “uh”, and had no idea that his fricking show’s fricking telephone number was taped to the fricking console in front of him. He’s utterly incoherent without a script.
There’s a reason the Romans had a slave muttering “thou art mortal” into the emperor’s ear. It may not have worked very well, but I bet the emperors had a better handle on their own limitations than the typical Hollywood star.
Posted by Rob Crawford on 2007 01 11 at 12:55 PM • permalinkThere’s a reason the Romans had a slave muttering “thou art mortal” into the emperor’s ear.
Whoa, not in Rove’s office, we don’t! It’s “Shadow of God on Earth” this, and “Sublimity of All Nations” that. At least, that’s the way Wronwright trained me. Although, in retrospect, I think “Your Celestial Pudginess” was Wronwright’s idea of a joke. Karl didn’t like that one at all. I recall being put on a punishment detail shortly thereafter (beater on one of Cheney’s quail-hunting safaris).
Well, count me among the wrong, then.
Gawd commas drive me crazy. Tim makes several good points and all I can think about is why Tim placed a comma after “wrong”. I think that comes from years of reading Margo’s writings, liberally using my mental red pencil. I think I need therapy.
Posted by wronwright on 2007 01 11 at 01:32 PM • permalink#19 paco -
Whoa, not in Rove’s office, we don’t!
Well, there’s a damn good reason, besides the obvious concern for our hides, that we don’t whisper in Karl’s ear “thou art mortal”. We’re not sure he is.
I once went back to Ancient Egypt in the Tardis with Super Team Alpha (me, paco, Stoop Davy Dave). Keep in mind this was before SDD became surgically disguised as a goat, later on running amuck, causing revolutions and civil wars, and so on. All things considered, we were pretty good. We even thought about getting uniforms, but the damn super hero clothing supplier, Particularly Attractive Costume Outfitter, tried to jack us on the price, demanding extra for capes and those cups we really really needed with our spandex outfits.
Anyway, our plan, conceived in a pub with absolutely no preparation or planning, was to raid the Pharoah’s store room of Egyptian beer. Due to certain unfortunate and unforeseeable events, we were captured by some rather large Nubian guards and marched to Imhotep, the pharoah’s grand vizier. Imagine our suprise when we noticed that he looked just like Karl!
At that point I became thoroughly frightened with the knowledge that we were likely to be marched to the executioner’s block. I said to the grand vizier “oh I wish you were Karl, he would get us out of this mess”. It was at that moment that Imhotep leaned down to us and whispered “Get back to the Tardis and travel back quickly. You have much waxing to do”.
The man is not mortal.
Posted by wronwright on 2007 01 11 at 01:55 PM • permalinkIt was at that moment that Imhotep leaned down to us and whispered “Get back to the Tardis and travel back quickly. You have much waxing to do”.
That bolded bit is the most frightening part of that story.
Posted by Rob Crawford on 2007 01 11 at 02:05 PM • permalinkI once went back to Ancient Egypt in the Tardis with Super Team Alpha (me, paco, Stoop Davy Dave). Keep in mind this was before SDD became surgically disguised as a goat, later on running amuck, causing revolutions and civil wars, and so on.
Speaking of SDD, wronwright, whatever happened to him? Did you guys leave him behind on some Tardis jaunt? He hasn’t been here since June.
Or did I miss something?
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 01 11 at 02:42 PM • permalink“... those cups we really really needed ...”
Really now!Cheers
Posted by J.M. Heinrichs on 2007 01 11 at 03:04 PM • permalinkI think I need therapy.
Then may I suggest that you solicit help from the Psychiatric Association of Comma Oligarchs? Following our easy, 12-step program, you can acquire confidence in your comma-placement skills, uncover those neuroses that lead you to fear commas, and forever dispell the nightmares stemming from those endless, confusing hours spent in Mrs. Philbrick’s third-grade grammar class. And of course it goes without saying, that, as a tax attorney, learning the proper placement of commas could be very beneficial in your career. Order now, and we’ll include the 12-step program to perfect spelling and penmanship skills, issued by the Psychiatric Association for the Cure of Orthographifobia.
Baldwin might not be able to organize his (for lack of a better word) thoughts very well, but he’s really funny on 30 Rock.
Posted by Jim Treacher on 2007 01 11 at 03:16 PM • permalinkThe automated Patented Acronym Cannon Operator is always standing by, waiting for paco to push the button…
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 01 11 at 03:22 PM • permalink#25 paco -
And of course it goes without saying, that, as a tax attorney, learning the proper placement of commas could be very beneficial in your career.
paco, “of course” should be preceded and followed by commas. Strike the one after “saying”. And the commas before and after the clause “as a tax attorney” are optionable. Clarity and flow of thought are the important considerations.
Sorry, I’m compelled. How much was that program? (eyes twitches)
Posted by wronwright on 2007 01 11 at 03:56 PM • permalink#23: Speaking of SDD, wronwright, whatever happened to him?
Nobody knows, Spiny. Or if they do, they’re not telling. For reasons known but to God, he was transmogrified into commenter “Huck Foley”, then he vanished without a trace. I was operating on a theory, earlier, that he had resurfaced as Joe Bagadonuts, but Joe says he ain’t him (there’s Joe up there at #26; just ask him). I genuinely believe he’s on a secret mission for Wronwright.
No snowfall in NY in December for the first time since 1877.
So, what was going on in Iraq in December, 1877? Well, whatever it was, I’m sure it was Bush’s fault.
Elsewhere at Huff’nPuff, Lance Armstrong says it’s time to (stubbornly) hold our leaders in Washington accountable for…cancer. Celebrities, is there nothing they don’t know?
It has nothing to do with the weather in California, but I’m starting to regard my vote in the recall election for Schwarzenegger my worst vote ever. He truly is a Kennedy.
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 01 11 at 04:07 PM • permalink#30 paco
I genuinely believe he’s on a secret mission for Wronwright.
Secret mission? Hah! I knew it! Wronwright DID mistakenly leave him behind.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 01 11 at 04:13 PM • permalink#31 Kyda Sylvester
It has nothing to do with the weather in California, but I’m starting to regard my vote in the recall election for Schwarzenegger my worst vote ever. He truly is a Kennedy.
Whenever I think such things myself, I remember his predecessor, the living embodiment of the Peter Principle: Governor Gumby, Gray Davis.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 01 11 at 04:18 PM • permalink“Baldwin might not be able to organize his (for lack of a better word) thoughts very well, but he’s really funny on 30 Rock.”
I’ve successfully avoided watching even a minute of 30 Rock, mainly because it features that Baldwin goofball. But I’ve noticed that, with unlimited takes, a good video editor can made almost anyone look good (in short bursts). Hell, they even make talking pigs look smart! It’s an art.
Posted by nofixedabode on 2007 01 11 at 04:37 PM • permalink#23 Spiny Norman -
Speaking of SDD, wronwright, whatever happened to him? Did you guys leave him behind on some Tardis jaunt? He hasn’t been here since June.
Good god man, haven’t you been reading my status reports? If you recall, Michael Lonie surgerically altered SDD, disguising him as a billy goat. He then successfully attacked Robert Mugabe. But then Lonie went off somewhere, bicycling in the outback, or dancing with the wolves, or something possibly dealing with issues of sexuality. I don’t really know.
But I do know that he inconsiderately forgot to tell anyone that he was leaving. So he hadn’t had a chance to change SDD back to something resembling human.
Well Super Team Alpha is not prejudiced so we continued working with him, albeit with some generous space between he and us. But he started acting erratically. On our trip to Sumer, he ran to the top of the ziggurat, braying his superiority. Thankfully the citizens mistook him for Baal or someone. And um, actually paco and I got treated fairly well by the temple priestesses.
But then we lost him at Battle of Agincourt, or Portiers, or somewhere in 14th century France. We searched for him of course, but in every town and village we walked through, we saw signs of barnyard mayhem. Depraved stories of goat terrorism was heard from many peasants. paco and I became very concerned.
Recently we heard news of some place in New England called Goat Island, named after a famous goat. We went back to 17th century New England to check it out, but we didn’t find him. paco did get put on trial for being a witch though. I did think about picking the lock, releasing him from the stocks. But the trial was so darn interesting I let it proceed. Very very educational. Just like watching PBS. Naturally I extricated him with the Tardis before the bonfire did any real lasting damage.
But we still haven’t found poor Stoop Davy Dave. I still harbor hope, I haven’t given up. But I just don’t know.
(bites lower lip)
Posted by wronwright on 2007 01 11 at 06:19 PM • permalinkBut I’ve noticed that, with unlimited takes, a good video editor can made almost anyone look good (in short bursts). Hell, they even make talking pigs look smart! It’s an art.
Just because he has moronic political opinions doesn’t mean he’s not good at his job. He’s a funny actor.
Posted by Jim Treacher on 2007 01 11 at 07:41 PM • permalinkWhy would you buy a condo in California when you know that gorebull warning will eventually flood the place.Dickhead.Teddy Kennedy deserves a mention.Why would anyone listen to crap from that family? Teddys daddywas a bootlegger who enlisted the Mafia to get his son elected,he also wanted to sacrifice Britain to the Nazis so he could make more money.Teddy was a brave man who let a girl drown to save his “reputation”,with Daddys help of course.All the rest of his and his familys scandals dont seem to hurt this piece of slime.
Baldwin couldn’t take a dump without a script, a director and a fluffer to help him. But on climatolgy, I hang on his every word.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 01 11 at 07:51 PM • permalink#36—Forbes—Kyda: Where does the NYC snowfall quote come from?
Straight from the ass’s jawbone:
There is no winter in the East right now. No snowfall in NY in December for the first time since 1877. All around us are signs of global climate change. And this administration’s response is to send in more troops. If you don’t think there is a link between the weather and Iraq, you are wrong.
...and so forth. I spent many a December in the NY metro area. I don’t recall specifically, but I don’t think a snowless December would have been especially noteworthy.
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 01 11 at 08:11 PM • permalink#38, wronwright! So you left Stoop Davy back there in the past somewhere?
I think I know where the legend of Pan comes from, now.
Makes you thankful for fine actors like Geoffrey Rush, who just act.
PS - Will excuse Geoffrey’s issues with Camberwell Railway Station. At least it’s a very local issue.
Posted by walterplinge on 2007 01 11 at 08:34 PM • permalinkHere’s a beautiful example of the Gore effect in action:
Democrats Award Denver 2008 Convention
Democrats selected Denver to host their 2008 presidential convention, turning down New York in favor of a problematic but enthusiastic bid from a city in the increasingly Democratic Rocky Mountain West.Front Is Through, Get Ready For Bitter Cold
DENVER—The first wave of polar air has arrived in Colorado, bringing with it fog, freezing drizzle and snow flurries.
Could Coldest January Day In A Decade Lie Ahead?
We may not fall below zero for 50 hours, but it will definitely be one of the longest stretches of January arctic air we have seen since then.
You can’t argue with science.Posted by Art Vandelay on 2007 01 11 at 09:08 PM • permalink#44 RebeccaH,
I didn’t leave him. He fled, looking back at paco and me and braying. Then he did a little skip and frolicked away.
I wouldn’t normally be so concerned, I’ve lost minions before. Heck, MarkL spent six years in a 6th century Benedictine monastery. He doesn’t seem any worse for it.
But lately I’m beginning to think that maybe Stoop Davy Dave had stashed the Tardis II in that ziggurat. He appears to be playing mischief with history. I sure hope Karl doesn’t find out.
Posted by wronwright on 2007 01 11 at 09:26 PM • permalinkTeddy Kennedy deserves a mention.Why would anyone listen to crap from that family?[...]Teddy was a brave man who let a girl drown to save his “reputation”,with Daddy’s help of course.
Doesn’t that make Teddy an expert on rising water levels, Peter?
Posted by andycanuck on 2007 01 12 at 01:11 AM • permalink#48:
Why doesn’t someone try to go and find him? Even if you can’t locate him, at the very least, you can bring some cameras along with you, make a low-budget sci-fi movie out of the thing and foist it on an unsuspecting public or something. I’d go myself, but I seem to have somehow gotten stuck here “changing back” Wikipedia entries before people start to get suspicious.Baldwin: “Lieberman needs to go to the shed. For a very long time. Gotta get his mind right”.
they have a brainwashing shed? - that would explain why all the wooly headed leftards seem to have shrunken brains, they’ve been through (cue ominous music) THE SHED.
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2007 01 12 at 07:54 AM • permalinkHehehe! The democratic candidate curse continues. When ever Al talks, where every he does, temperatures will drop. When John Edward talks of two Americas, wages will increase. And whenever John Kerry speaks, vegetable will turn into Ketchup.
I blame the Jooooos, as Lieberman is the only recent candidate not affected… yet.
#29: And the commas before and after the clause “as a tax attorney” are optionable.
Well, I’m exercising my options on those commas; what are the tax consequences?
#38: Naturally I extricated him with the Tardis before the bonfire did any real lasting damage. Before the bonfire did any lasting damage?!? Do you know how long it took for my eyebrows to grow back? And now, instead of having two dashing, perfectly symmetrical eyebrows, I’ve got a “unibrow”, like some kind of neanderthal. And people wonder why I wear fedoras, with the brim pulled down low.
Mr Baldwin, angry upon hearing the news.
Posted by boxofmatches on 2007 01 12 at 09:51 AM • permalink#33 Spiny Norman,
Whenever I think such things myself, I remember his predecessor, the living embodiment of the Peter Principle: Governor Gumby, Gray Davis.
I was almost arrested for heckling Gray Davis with one man chants of “Ah-nold, Ah-nold” and “Girly Man, Girly Man” when all the Dems were assembled in Boston for the convention.
A cop told me, “That’s enough; you’ve made your point.”
I replied, “That’s your opinion.”
He said, “Yeah, that’s my opinion.”
I said, “Well, opinions are like assholes…”Wham, up against the wall, cops converging, fishing through my pockets.
“Let’s run him through the computer. See if he hasn’t any warrants…”
Posted by nobody important on 2007 01 12 at 02:14 PM • permalinkI always felt like attractive people who were not too bright were a gift from God to the rest of us. Pleasant to look at, often inadvertantly amusing, easily ignored. Alec Baldwin, Tom Cruise, George Clooney. Even Jenine Garafalo can be cute. Remember her line “We’re Doomed! DOOOMED!”, you can’t make stuff like that up.
Page 1 of 1 pages
Members:
Login | Register
| Member List
Well, he’s right. For instance, when there’s rain in Iraq, it’s a direct consequence of the weather.