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COOKED
Overwhelmed by heat during a “cleansing session” inside a steam dome, Rowan Cooke was hauled free by his new age pals and carefully revived. Not:
Participants in a ritualistic ceremony danced, chanted and played drums while one of their friends lay dying from heat exhaustion, an inquest has heard.
They weren’t doing this because they didn’t care about the dying man; they were doing it because they were trying to call Cooke’s conscious self back to his earthly body during what was assumed to be an astral travelling episode. He died the next morning.
How can they be sure he’s dead? Maybe it was a really long astral journey, an astral wanderjahre.
Posted by Harry Eagar on 2007 06 05 at 03:38 AM • permalinkTo top it all off, the stupid pricks bags got lost in transit and the Nirvana Hilton failed to keep his reservation.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 06 05 at 03:46 AM • permalinkThe remedy is obvious to all that can see.
These chaps are infested with demons brought down onto them from the hole created by the traveler’s departing spirit.To cure them, first they must be tied to a post and whipped. Whipping should continue until the unfortunate chaps pass out. This removes the demon from control of their conscious mind.
Next they must be submerged in water until their breathing stops. This prevents the demon from seizing their unconscious mind.
Finally, the remains should be burned in a public celebration. This prevents the demons from returning through the hole left by the chaps departed spirits.
Anyone at the celebration that is either celebrating too hard or not hard enough is also probably infested with demons and in need of the cure.
These people don’t strike me as likely Howard voters…
Posted by Villeurbanne on 2007 06 05 at 03:59 AM • permalinkRowan Cooke was hauled free by his new age pals and carefully revived
Yeah right, one did mouth to mouth while the rest did “hand to wallet”
Posted by surfmaster on 2007 06 05 at 04:14 AM • permalinkBefore rabid lefties spin up in mouth-frothing frenzy about the harsh and callous pricks at Blair’s comment threads, this is not a celebration of the death of man. This poor bastard was essentially left to die by introspective, self-obsessed dickheads who couldn’t discern the difference between heat illness leading to death, and a metaphysical concept known as “astral travel”. Here’s hoping the judge jails the &*%#‘s for manslaughter.
Their karma ran over his dogma?
No it swerved and ran over his lentil soup, which he just happened to be eating at the time :-)
Posted by surfmaster on 2007 06 05 at 05:17 AM • permalinkI ran tours up there in the Gammon Rangers and i can tell you it can get that hot that somtimes japanese backpackers would just burst into flames,I recall us tour guides going WHAT THE FUCK were these twats thinking…
As we used to say, COMMON SENCE ,don’t know why the call it that bcause its not that COMMON.
Why do we need an inquest to tell us that these people are knob-throtling numbnuts?
For $50,000, I could have divined a cup of tea leaves and handed down that finding.
Thank you, thank you.
Posted by mr creosote on 2007 06 05 at 05:35 AM • permalinkAnd you know what… Well I’ll tell you. The corruption of the word metaphysics pisses me off. It’s supposed to describe a field of philosophy with subjects such as ontology and the study of first principles etc but has been turned into some wishy washy catch all by these no-nothing new age loons. I hope they bang this blokes supposed friends up for negligent homicide or something. Or at least criminal damage to language.
If they wanted to be cleansed, they could have simply knocked off a tube of metamucil.
Posted by mr creosote on 2007 06 05 at 08:51 AM • permalink#18 Kae:
Steamed vegies
Nah, I don’t like overcooked vegies.That’s the major source of disagreement between Mr Crossie and me. I like them firm and he likes them mushy. Answer: he gets to enjoy bubble and squeak.
This may be a minor point, but I am trying to figure out exactly what this ceremony consisted of, maybe someone here can help, it says:
They would then leave the campsite and sit in circles on their own for 24 hours,
Can someone tell me how one sits on one’s own in a circle? Only thing I can figure is they had their heads stuck up… well you get the idea. Given the end result, this seems like a good assumption.
Posted by Not My Problem on 2007 06 05 at 09:43 AM • permalinkOh! I see, perhaps they meant that they drew circles and sat in the middle…
Posted by Not My Problem on 2007 06 05 at 09:44 AM • permalinkIs there a lefist version of the Darwin Awards?
Yes, but after reciting each example of mortal stupidity, you must reflexively chant <i>“in George Bush’s Amerika!”</a>
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 06 05 at 10:21 AM • permalink#11 Dylan: “These people don’t strike me as likely Howard voters…”
These people don’t strike me as sane.
Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2007 06 05 at 11:38 AM • permalinkIt’s pretty warm where I live, though not as warm as parts of Australia, and people here bake (not steam) themselves in sweat lodges all the time.
But they don’t—and the Indians didn’t—use 20th c. insulating blankets to seal their sweat lodges.
Posted by Harry Eagar on 2007 06 05 at 12:45 PM • permalinkI feel for that poor man and his family. I hope his family sues David Jarvis and his company, but they probably will get only a few used drums and a vat of pachouli.
Elizabeth
Imperial KeeperPosted by Elizabeth Imperial Keeper on 2007 06 05 at 12:47 PM • permalink#53 HE:
I also have participated in a sweat, and wouldn’t have thought that using the 100% moisture retaining insulating blankets would be a good idea. Even leather breathes a little, and every bit counts. Also, there’s a reason that the Natives used one big sweat lodge and not a bunch of little ones. Thus proving that for thousands of years, Indians have been smarter than moonbats....And these yahoos want me to let them muck with the climate? Hit the peace pipe less.
#54 Elizabeth wins the Snark of the Day™ award! :-D
Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2007 06 05 at 03:11 PM • permalinkHere’s a video of “New age healer” David Jarvis on location, explaining his “Vision Quest”.
Wouldn’t that be steamed vagan?
After 250 years of the Enlightenment and 400 of the Scientific Revolution, we have the picture of a bunch of presumably educated people doing a tribal ceremony and, when that led to heatstroke for one of them, they acted like a bunch of witch doctors to try to “cure” him. Stick a fork in Western Civilization, it’s done. We might as well surrender to the Islamofascists now. At least they want to go back only to Medieval times, not to the Stone Age.
What do these clowns do when their kids get sick? Do they call in a witch doctor, put crystals in the bed, try to cure scarlet fever with an antidote to the Evil Eye they got our of some New Age magazine? That this pagan superstition should be practiced in the age of modern medicine is a scandal and an affront.
Posted by Michael Lonie on 2007 06 05 at 10:39 PM • permalink#19- Gotta disagree CB, I think yet another hippy dip/new age twonk buying the farm in a spectacularly idiotic way that reflects the daffy, atavistic nature of their chosen lifestyle and belief system is much funnier than seeing anti-globalisation protesters in Nikes, Benneton and Gap, drinking Evian, and adds a goodly dose of chlorine to the gene pool.
Paco—did you know if you turn the Offscourer exactly one quarter turn widdershins, all the little holes perform an instant exorcism?
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 06 05 at 11:45 PM • permalinkActually I reckon it’s a pity they weren’t sharing the wigwam with this bloke- could’ve saved a lot of explaining. Burp.
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Is this another one of those cultural things?