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EDITOR INCOMPETENT

Best-selling author Antony Loewenstein has sold only 5987 copies of his painful book, according to the Australian’s Amanda Meade. I blame the media blackout. Also from Amanda:

The latest high jinx from The Age came when senior news editor Patrick Smithers, usually very patient, shocked the evening editorial floor when he yelled and hurled his mobile phone across the room, apparently after one too many calls from editor-in-chief Andrew Jaspan. One of Jaspan’s habits is to demand every story be printed because he is not yet competent on the computer system.

Please, Andrew. Think of the trees.

Posted by Tim B. on 11/30/2006 at 01:27 AM
  1. There’s no way Loewenstein has 5987 relatives that are still speaking to him…

    Posted by anthony_r on 2006 11 30 at 01:32 AM • permalink

  2. Smithers, kill more trees! Excellent.

    Posted by bobpence on 2006 11 30 at 01:36 AM • permalink

  3. “Smithers where is my printed storys”...They are being printed by one of your boobs in sector C Mr Burns…“Ahh Smithers once again you are my raging ying to my soothing yang.”

    Posted by sparrow on 2006 11 30 at 01:40 AM • permalink

  4. Damm your oily hide bobpence you beat me to it.

    Posted by sparrow on 2006 11 30 at 01:42 AM • permalink

  5. This is going to get way out of control.

    Posted by sparrow on 2006 11 30 at 01:43 AM • permalink

  6. One of Jaspan’s habits is to demand every story be printed because he is not yet competent on the computer system.

    Posted by Bonmot on 2006 11 30 at 01:47 AM • permalink

  7. He demands every story be printed? That’s called the newspaper. Pretty hard to edit after the fact. Sure does explain a lot.

    Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 11 30 at 01:50 AM • permalink

  8. One of Jaspan’s habits is to demand every story be printed ...

    So that’s why so much idiocy ends up in The Age’s pages.

    Posted by PW on 2006 11 30 at 02:00 AM • permalink

  9. Mr Smithers always hated Jaspan Dagwood.

    Posted by Bonmot on 2006 11 30 at 02:00 AM • permalink

  10. “Mr Jaspan, I’ve found this terrific story on a man named Jessie Macbeth who was involved in murder and torture in Iraq.”

    “Spare me your idle chatter, Lane. Print it and put it on my desk.”

    Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 11 30 at 02:04 AM • permalink

  11. One of Jaspan’s habits is to demand every story be printed because he is not yet competent on the computer system.

    A one-eyed, slow-witted parakeet could learn to print out a file in less than an hour.  How long has this Jaspan guy been at the paper?

    Posted by profeti on 2006 11 30 at 02:15 AM • permalink

  12. We all know what happens when you cross Jaspan aka Mr Burns.

    Release the hounds!

    Posted by rbresca on 2006 11 30 at 02:15 AM • permalink

  13. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t post a large excerpt of an article but link to it instead. However, I trust everyone (including Mistress Andrea) will be pleased to deny Loewenstein the traffic. No links for Leftard. However, his latest blog posting responds to The Australian and says:

    More research needed
    by Antony Loewenstein November 30th, 2006

    The Australian’s media diarist has clearly done her research
    ......
    A few points for the intrepid Murdoch journalist. I’m based in Sydney (though published by Melbourne University Publishing.) A subtle geographic difference for some, but one worth noting. My tongue-in-cheek comment regarding respect of a best-selling author was obviously lost in translation. Clearly understanding sarcasm isn’t the writer’s strong-suit.

    Finally, my book has sold far more than 5987 copies since its August release, but again, let me guess the Australian simply relied on the notoriously unreliable Bookscan figures? Making a call to my publisher was too much to ask.

    I look forward to journalist Amanda Meade’s best-seller book on office reporting.

    A quick Google search confirms Loewenstein regards anyone and anything with which he disagrees as “notorious”. He is in notorious need of a thesarus.

    She missed his sarcasm? I doubt it. Loewenstein honestly describes his book as bestselling and is clearly struggling to discredit a journalist who very obviously has done her research. He is good at sneering though. Oh, and carrying a man-bag (Illustration here).

    To his sneering heading “More Research Needed”? Two words Loewenstein: Tzipi Livni. Research that.

    As for the “many more” copies sold than Bookscan reports? He doesn’t (and never has)  mention how many actually were sold. Many more? Sure Antony, sure…

    Posted by Dan Lewis on 2006 11 30 at 02:23 AM • permalink

  14. But I thought that Smithers was looking for Amanda Huggankis? Oh, sorry, wrong two-dimensional media source.

    Posted by andycanuck on 2006 11 30 at 02:31 AM • permalink

  15. My supervisor prefers the printed word to reading text on a screen.  But she prints it out for herself.  And if she can’t figure out how to use the computer, she asks someone to show her how to do it.  Jaspan is a pompous and petulant pretender.

    BTW, just what sort of “computer system” does The Age use?  Do newspapers use some sort of specialized software package, or a standard office package? 

    I’m wondering because most major software packages come with a training module of some sort.  Either The Age went really cheap, or Jaspan hasn’t availed himself of the available training.

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 11 30 at 02:32 AM • permalink

  16. They punch,they fight,they scratch and scratch and fight,scratch scatch scratch fight fight fight it’s the jaspan and smithers show.

    Posted by sparrow on 2006 11 30 at 02:41 AM • permalink

  17. The_Real_JeffS

    Just standard stuff - Photoshop particularly gets a good workout. Some papers are ‘better’ at it than others. So does Illustrator.

    In Design is widely used for DTP. Adobe make a killing in the newspaper game. So no, if the Age are using PC’s networked through servers it’s not rocket science - even for Jaspan.

    Posted by Bonmot on 2006 11 30 at 02:45 AM • permalink

  18. Now now, perhaps Jaspan suspects that these computer things might just be a passing fad and will never progress beyond a type of office accessory that some underling can operate. Say, like the electric telephone or the wireless.

    Posted by Penguin on 2006 11 30 at 03:08 AM • permalink

  19. In Design is widely used for DTP.

    They can have my Quark when they pry it from my cold, dead fingers.

    InDesign’s nice for imposition, though.

    Posted by Dave S. on 2006 11 30 at 03:18 AM • permalink

  20. Perhaps The Age uses a system called CyberGraphics. It was just being installed when I left one of Rupert’s papers. I’m not sure if it is an entirely proprietary system, like the old Coyote or whether it is an interface for other programs like Word, InDesign or PhotoShop.

    —Nora

    Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2006 11 30 at 03:20 AM • permalink

  21. And as for idiot Lowenstein, BookScan is the industry standard for measuring book sales.

    It’s just like saying Dreamboat saying ‘I have a best selling album’ but the ARIA charts have him at #987 and he then he claims he’s much more popular than that.

    —Nora

    Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2006 11 30 at 03:28 AM • permalink

  22. So the Witless Wonder has racked up 5,987 sales of his ‘best selling’ fictional rant,  has he?

    That’s a whopping 0.03% of the Australian population!

    Is it the other 99.97% that he of the Fiskesque grasp of reality accuses of silencing him?

    Posted by Jack Lacton on 2006 11 30 at 03:35 AM • permalink

  23. Bonmot:

    ....it’s not rocket science - even for Jaspan.

    About what I thought.  Thanks!

    Perhaps The Age uses a system called CyberGraphics.

    That would make sense, Nora, if it was an interface for other software packages.  That seems to to be common in business and government these days.

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 11 30 at 03:38 AM • permalink

  24. JeffS - Get down to that gun thread stat. I think you’ve been challenged to a duel!

    Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 11 30 at 03:53 AM • permalink

  25. its rather cute of Ant to suddenly become and expert in geography when he didn’t know the location of Syria.

    Posted by captain on 2006 11 30 at 03:59 AM • permalink

  26. Ha!  I just came from there.  Check out my latest reply to ramwhathisname.

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 11 30 at 03:59 AM • permalink

  27. captain, I thought Ant is an expert in anything.  If you don’t believe me, just ask him!  ;-P

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 11 30 at 04:00 AM • permalink

  28. This is kinda O/T, but talking of The Age (and SMH) - don’t forget to rush out and buy Saturday’s paper which includes a FREE LUENIG 2007 CALENDAR!

    Quack quack quack quack quack quack

    Posted by Bonmot on 2006 11 30 at 04:14 AM • permalink

  29. From Meade of The Australian:

    Loewenstein’s only published work, My Israel Question, has so far sold 5987 copies, according to Bookscan.

    And from Loewenstein:

    Finally, my book has sold far more than 5987 copies since its August release, but again, let me guess the Australian simply relied on the notoriously unreliable Bookscan figures?

    No wonder he has trouble with his research.

    Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2006 11 30 at 05:06 AM • permalink

  30. #29

    It’s worse. He took umbrage that the journalist didn’t contact his publisher, knowing full well that the publisher (and Loewenstein) has refused to disclose sales figures on numerous occasions when directly asked for them.

    As well as being a talentless write, he’s a liar and a fraud.

    Posted by Dan Lewis on 2006 11 30 at 05:30 AM • permalink

  31. Ahh Smithers hows the Lowenstein book launch coming along.

    There was no book launch sir i cancelled it,it was a flop.

    JUDAS.

    I’m sorry sir but you should know that i will be waiting outside The Age’s offices in the rain until you forgive me.

    Posted by sparrow on 2006 11 30 at 05:34 AM • permalink

  32. Dan, I think you are focusing unduly Ant’s shortcomings. He did, after all, go to Israel once in order to become an expert on that country. And he was magnanimous enough to give his hosts (and cousins) such a prominent and balanced voice. He has also learned a great deal since being a failed F2 cadet.

    And we shouldn’t forget that influential chapter he wrote for Margo Kingston’s successful political activism exercise. In fact in a bit of brilliant reverse psychology, Ant and Margo were probably responsible for the historic re-election of our beloved leader.

    And rather than looking at the man-bag as being a detraction, you could look at it as Ant merely being ahead of the curve.

    Ant just needs understanding and a bit of tweaking to his vocab.

    Posted by captain on 2006 11 30 at 05:52 AM • permalink

  33. Loewenstein should get The Lancet to determine the exact number of books that have been sold.

    Posted by The Best Infidel on 2006 11 30 at 05:53 AM • permalink

  34. #13 Dan Lewis.  A manbag would suit Antony. He was quite effeminate when I knew him in the early 90s.

    Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2006 11 30 at 05:56 AM • permalink

  35. Loewenstein should get The Lancet to determine the exact number of books that have been sold.

    Using our model, we extrapolate a total of 11,000,000,876,111 books sold.

    Clearly, aliens are involved.

    Posted by Quentin George on 2006 11 30 at 06:13 AM • permalink

  36. #20 - Nora, I’m confused. Is the Old Coyote the one called Rupert, or this Jaspan person?

    Posted by blogstrop on 2006 11 30 at 06:25 AM • permalink

  37. #35

    Clearly, aliens are involved

    Aliens? Didn’t the Zionists invent them? Those Zionists! I knew it was one of their tricks again ;-)

    Posted by The Best Infidel on 2006 11 30 at 06:47 AM • permalink

  38. #28 - why on earth would we do that?  Are we going to make a papier mache effigy of Loonyg and burn it?  If so, COUNT ME IN!!!!

    Posted by bondo on 2006 11 30 at 06:51 AM • permalink

  39. #33 - You are living up to your name!

    Posted by Dan Lewis on 2006 11 30 at 07:50 AM • permalink

  40. One of Jaspan’s habits is to demand every story be printed ...

    And I bet he still answers the phone with this obsolete greeting too.

    Posted by Art Vandelay on 2006 11 30 at 07:50 AM • permalink

  41. The bourgeois media can take over your mind, Antony. The imagery, the words, the nuances, the whole montage… it’s all controlled. You are strong. Alone. Only you can see through this pain. Who, who, who?

    Who on Earth controls the world?

    Posted by splice on 2006 11 30 at 08:36 AM • permalink

  42. I don’t want to hear about any electron messaging! Just hop yourself over to the telex and bring me that printout. And while you’re at it, take these vacuum tubes down to the drug store and test them. My wireless is acting up again. Here’s a nickel for the trolley…

    /Jaspan

    Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 11 30 at 09:00 AM • permalink

  43. Just a question regarding the word “high jinx”.  Is that the standard Australian spelling?  I believe the standard US spelling is “hijinks”.  Of course, I’m too lazy to look it up in either case. :)

    Posted by kcom on 2006 11 30 at 11:15 AM • permalink

  44. He did, after all, go to Israel once in order to become an expert on that country.

    I thought he went to Israel to confirm to himself that he already was an expert?

    Posted by PW on 2006 11 30 at 11:42 AM • permalink

  45. Bart: “Please don’t call our parents!”
    Chief: “I’m afraid I have to for hijinks like these. Hijinks - it’s a funny word. Three dotted letters in a row.”
    Eddie: “Is it hyphenated?”
    Chief: “It used to be, back in the good old days, you know. Of course, every generation hyphenates the way it wants to. Then there’s *NSYNC! What the hell is that? Jump in any time there, Eddie, these are good topics.”

    Posted by the wolf on 2006 11 30 at 12:45 PM • permalink

  46. Only 5,987 copies? Good lord! The boring and mendacious political recollections published by former Secretaries of not-very-interesting caninet-level federal agencies do better in the states, even discounting for the difference in population size between Australia and the U.S. Does Antoine’s book have his picture on the dust jacket, by any chance? Maybe that’s got something to do with it.

    Posted by paco on 2006 11 30 at 01:07 PM • permalink

  47. Ah, but you fail to appreciate Jaspan’s cunning plan.

    Every time he orders a story printed, it adds to the paper’s declining print numbers.

    Over a year, that more than doubles the Age’s circulation figure.

    Posted by Evil Pundit on 2006 11 30 at 01:08 PM • permalink

  48. Well, 5988 or 89 is higher than 5987.

    I have no patience for people like Jaspan who won’t learn a simple thing like how to send something to print on a computer.  It’s an attitude akin to believing witches curdled the milk.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 11 30 at 01:56 PM • permalink

  49. #48: We have a client who, although he has an e:mail address, doesn’t know how to use a computer and has his secretary print out his e:mail messages. I really don’t know what causes such mule-headed, self-imposed incompetence, but there it is.

    Posted by paco on 2006 11 30 at 02:51 PM • permalink

  50. Which brings up another point—why doesn’t Jaspan get his secretary to print the stories, instead of wasting the time of the senior news editor?

    Posted by Evil Pundit on 2006 11 30 at 03:01 PM • permalink

  51. #50: She’s probably too busy cutting his quill pens for him, and keeping his desk lamp filled with whale oil.

    Posted by paco on 2006 11 30 at 03:14 PM • permalink

  52. And grinding the coffee, paco.  Don’t forget the coffee.

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 11 30 at 04:04 PM • permalink

  53. #51, this will amuse you:  at my university, there were a number of professors of electrical engineering and computer science who didn’t know how to use a copy machine.  Too many buttons, I think.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 11 30 at 04:36 PM • permalink

  54. #52 RJ: Well, let’s just hope he’s sufficiently enlightened not to have her empty out his chamber pot.

    Posted by paco on 2006 11 30 at 04:37 PM • permalink

  55. #49 - Paco - “self-imposed incompetence” is a brilliant description! My mum is astonished that I’m as ‘puter-savvy as I am (& I’m not, really) but I learned a long time ago that if I want it done, I better learn how to do it.

    My world has both expanded and contracted as a result of having a computer in my home & learning about email & blogs. Expanded because I know more people in more places than ever before (I love this blog) & contracted because I am back in contact with people I thought were gone from my life, thanks to email.

    If this arrogant bassard editor refuses to learn a new tool of his trade, one that EVERYONE else knows how to use, then he should be fired. You really nailed it, Paco…as usual.

    Posted by KC on 2006 11 30 at 05:38 PM • permalink

  56. Er, everyone in his line of work, that is.

    Posted by KC on 2006 11 30 at 05:40 PM • permalink

  57. He needs it prinyed out because the little shit is too short to see the computer screen.

    Posted by Phranger on 2006 11 30 at 06:36 PM • permalink

  58. #55: Why, thank you, Auntie. Every now and then I manage to hit a nail without a thumb intervening. Not often, but every now and then.

    Posted by paco on 2006 11 30 at 06:38 PM • permalink

  59. I would just point out that Ant is again caught out in his reference to Meade not appreciating nuance. Not only was it utter crap that he made reference to himself as a best selling author “tongue in cheek”, but he does so again on his own site referring to his rubbish as best selling.

    I think Jeremy Jones puts it best (to borrow on of Ant’s tired phrases) when he describes Ant as having “delusions of competence.”

    Posted by captain on 2006 11 30 at 06:51 PM • permalink

  60. #44

    I thought he went to Israel to confirm to himself that he already was an expert?

    No. He’d already written the book and went to Israel for some credibility so Evil Zionists Bullies couldn’t laugh and point and say “you’ve never even been there”. Well now he has, so nyer nyer. The fact he still has no idea what he’s talking about is of course besides the point, just like Antony.

    Whilst I wouldn’t recommend anyone visit his blog, I posted a comment there two days ago, further to his complaint, simply asking “how many copies have you sold?”

    Needless to say the comment is still “awaiting moderation”. What a phoney.

    Posted by Dan Lewis on 2006 11 30 at 08:38 PM • permalink

  61. #59

    Close, but no cigar. In Jeremy Jones review of Loewenstein’s book, the actual quote was:

    In the first paragraph of the book, the author writes that “a reader of online magazine New Matilda wrote that they hoped it [Loewenstein’s book] would ‘lie in the tip alongside such other works as Mein Kampf and The Protocols of the Elders of Zion’”.

    To repeat this comment testifies to the writer’s delusions of grandeur, while on an intellectual basis it is arguable he would be justified in holding delusions of adequacy.

    Nice!

    It is these same delusions of grandeur (competence?) that mean Loewenstein actually believes he is a “Best selling author” despite fewer sales (even after such publicity) than a single month’s issue of “Knitting and Crochet Monthly”.

    Posted by Dan Lewis on 2006 11 30 at 09:12 PM • permalink

  62. Maybe I should send my psychoboss down there to get a job.  His crowing moment came when he tried to ‘format’ a monitor for a Macintosh by fiddling with the bright and contrast buttons…

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 11 30 at 09:26 PM • permalink

  63. Dan thanks for the correction.

    Posted by captain on 2006 11 30 at 10:09 PM • permalink

  64. Not competent on the computer system?!

    Good heavens, man! Have you never heard of a thing called TAFE?

    I’m getting tired of people using their age as an excuse not to learn computers. Thus far I am unaware of any operating system having an IsUserOver40 Boolean, which renders the computer non-functional if in the “True” state.

    Posted by Korgmeister on 2006 12 01 at 01:24 AM • permalink

  65. Dave.S: Quark condemned itself to a life of also ran in the DTP world when it didn’t bother with a mac OSX version for oh, about two years.  InDesign came in and took the market.

    Posted by entropy on 2006 12 01 at 07:17 AM • permalink

  66. #53: Well, Rebecca, I can kinda sympathize with those guys. We’ve got copiers here at the office that one approaches as if they were UFO’s. They sit there - no lights, no sound - and you wonder how they operate. So, you put something in to copy, push what looks like the right button, and then you start getting digital displays: “Machine scanning information”; “Machine warming up”; Machine Senses [’senses’, mind you] 8 1/2 by 11 paper; Use Correct Paper Drawer”. Then, if you’re lucky, it hums, whizzes and beeps, and stops. You’re pretty sure it made a copy, but you can’t figure where the copy came out. For that matter, what happened to the original? Once, a machine started to generate a burning smell, and the copy came out covered with lumps of what looked like molten, smoking rubber. I figured that I had disembowleed the thing, so I did what most people do when they have a copy machine problem - I looked around furtively to see that nobody had seen me mess it up, and scurried off in search of another copier.

    Posted by paco on 2006 12 01 at 09:40 AM • permalink

  67. Paco, if you have ever rummaged around in the bowels of a complicated copy machine in search of that one, tiny scrap of paper—- sort of like an Amazon jungle safari in search of the elusive red-butted wiblette, thought to be extinct lo these many years—- that tore off and is now preventing the copying of anything ever again, you emerge covered with toner, to be sure, but with a superior sense that no copier anywhere at any time will be able to defeat you.

    We rule the machines, or they rule us.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 12 01 at 11:23 AM • permalink

  68. “Best-selling author Antony Loewenstein has sold only 5987 copies…”

    Best-selling book ever…

    ...written by a cockroach.

    Posted by Dave Surls on 2006 12 01 at 02:33 PM • permalink

  69. #66 Paco, just do what I do. Drop an incendiary grenade on it and tell everyone it must have been power surge. Works every time!

    Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 12 02 at 09:11 AM • permalink

  70. #69: Oh, how I do love that idea!

    Posted by paco on 2006 12 02 at 11:19 AM • permalink

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