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FEUDIN’ FUNDAMENTALISTS

Osama versus Hamas:

He also criticised the Palestinians’ Hamas-led government for breaking what he said was a taboo against “joining infidel assemblies” and entering parliament.

Hamas versus Osama:

A call attributed to Osama Bin Laden for Islamic holy war in Sudan and other Muslim states has been disowned by the Sudanese government and Hamas ... Hamas official spokesman Sami Abu Zuhri told Reuters news agency his organisation was “interested in good relations with the West”.

UPDATE. More from Osama, who now has sources:

The holy verses of the Quran and the holy prophetic teachings have all clarified the need for according love, respect and obedience to our prophet. Allah, the Almighty, has made it a taboo to offend him, saying in the Quran those who harm Allah and his messenger would be damned and severely punished.

It was also confirmed by an authentic source that prophet Muhammad said no one could be faithful until he loves me more than he loves his parents, his sons and all other people. Therefore, the Umma has reached a consensus that he who offends or degrades the messenger would be killed.

Name that source, Osama! Was it a sock puppet?

Posted by Tim B. on 04/24/2006 at 01:01 PM
  1. A plague on both tents!

    Posted by paco on 2006 04 24 at 01:08 PM • permalink

  2. “Name that source, Osama! Was it a sock puppet?”

    Man, Tim, you’re good! How did you guess?

    The provenance of Osama’s theological opinion.

    Posted by paco on 2006 04 24 at 01:48 PM • permalink

  3. How much more out of touch can South Afghanistans most successful female imperonator get?

    Posted by Rob Read on 2006 04 24 at 04:54 PM • permalink

  4. With this and the recent Kerry threads, it’s hard to decide who’s leading the “so stupid it can’t even be parodied” races…

    Posted by PW on 2006 04 24 at 05:02 PM • permalink

  5. It was also confirmed by an authentic source...

    Something Dan Rather has never used!

    Posted by rinardman on 2006 04 24 at 05:11 PM • permalink

  6. Oo!  A bitch slapfest!

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 04 24 at 06:14 PM • permalink

  7. “prophet Muhammad said no one could be faithful until he loves me more than he loves his parents, his sons and all other people”

    why is it necessary to love a child molesting, rapist, militia leading delusionist more than “parents, his sons and all other people”

    Posted by WeekByWeek on 2006 04 24 at 08:07 PM • permalink

  8. Week,
    ‘Cause Mo said so, capisce?  You do what Mo says, or you sleep wid da fishes, or the sand fleas at any rate.

    Ah, it’s a sad day for the jihad, it is, when Osama is too cracked even for his fellow Islamofascist nutters.

    Posted by Michael Lonie on 2006 04 24 at 11:12 PM • permalink

  9. Osama has the sock puppet, others have the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

    Posted by Stevo on 2006 04 25 at 01:14 AM • permalink

  10. Dissension amongst the ranks? Moohamed is not pleased. Since they obviously do not love the Grand Pedophile, logically they must die.  I suggest mass suicide.  Come on un-repentant ones, show Mo’ some love.  Insert knife at the base of the jaw, directly under the ear. Saw vigorously.  Moohamed is now pleased.

    Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 04 25 at 02:02 AM • permalink

  11. It was Ed the sock, the great Candian double agent.

    Posted by Howzat on 2006 04 25 at 03:10 AM • permalink

  12. My advice to Sammy Bin Liner: nuke the infidel from orbit!

    That is, fuck off to your final destination (via self-detonation), get through your well-deserved 27,000 browneyes, then get Allah and that other bloke (pigs be upon him) to rain the fires of hell (if that ain’t too oxymoronic for youse towel-heads) on planet earth.

    Everyone’s a winner.

    Posted by Henry boy on 2006 04 25 at 03:18 AM • permalink

  13. Since you are all fighting about this “authentic source”, let me enlighten you. It’s talking about Hadeeth… Saying of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)... They have ranks according the strength of their reports.. and the one Osama is quoting is classed as Authentic (the highest class) by scholars of Hadeeth.

    Posted by proud2be@muslimah on 2006 04 25 at 03:53 AM • permalink

  14. Thanks .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). That makes it it all very clear now.

    Posted by amortiser on 2006 04 25 at 04:10 AM • permalink

  15. No it is not Hadeeth or Hadith. Proph. Mo. really said I have HAD IT with you lot.

    Posted by Howzat on 2006 04 25 at 05:28 AM • permalink

  16. #13:
    That sounds like a lot of mumbo jumbo.  Would the authentic source be allowed to give evidence in a court of law?  Or would this authentic sauce be something that would go welll with the Flying Spaghetti Monster?  You need to enlighten us all a bit more please using the English language.

    Posted by Stevo on 2006 04 25 at 06:55 AM • permalink

  17. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeee’s BACK !!!!
    Oboy oboy oboy !!!

    Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2006 04 25 at 09:38 AM • permalink

  18. This is interesting but you need to see this site:  http://www.saneworks.us.

    Posted by GregJ on 2006 04 25 at 05:09 PM • permalink

  19. Thanks want2be@terrorist, now we have it straight from the prophet that all who don’t conform must be killed.

    Posted by Henry boy on 2006 04 25 at 05:34 PM • permalink

  20. Somewhere there is a pile of photos of ole osama and when the American people show signs of being a bit restless , out comes a happy snap of himself with a warning taped by Donald Duck before he fell off the perch. The American people then cuddle up to the neocons and all is well ..........until the next time.
    Osama is probably in paradise with the duck.

    Posted by waussie on 2006 04 25 at 10:36 PM • permalink

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