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HELEN THOMAS ASKING AROUND

Fran Kelly has just announced that she is going to be absent from her radio spot for a while, since she’s doing a series on the 11 years of the Howard government for ABC TV,” comments Blogstrop. “So there. They just cannot let go. Further proof that they are a balanced lot, and I’m sure it will be a series with dashes of sympathy and admiration, mixed with a light, humourous touch.” Perhaps it will be as nuanced as Oliver Stone’s George W. Bush script:

Page 25: When press secretary Ari Fleischer reports that Helen Thomas is asking around “about secret plans for military actions in Iraq” and wondering “what makes Saddam any different from other dictators,” W. flips out: “Did you tell her I don’t like motherfuckers who gas their own people?! Did you tell her I don’t like assholes who try to kill my father?! […] Did you tell her I’m going to kick his SORRY MOTHERFUCKING ASS ALL OVER THE MIDEAST?!”

(Via S.E.B., who suggests this soundtrack)

Posted by Tim B. on 04/09/2008 at 05:24 AM
  1. I always cut Helen Thomas some slack because she was born blind and deaf.  It’s quite an accomplishment that she wound up a White House reporter able to ask any questions at all.

    Posted by rhhardin on 2008 04 09 at 05:37 AM • permalink

  2. #1- She’d have to be, to walk out the front door without a muzzle and an Elephant Man sack on her scone- seriously, she makes Michelle Grattan look like Michelle Pfiffer and sound like Michelle Malkin.

    Posted by Habib on 2008 04 09 at 05:48 AM • permalink

  3. The Rudd dynasty corrects writes history.

    Posted by Abu Chowdah on 2008 04 09 at 05:56 AM • permalink

  4. The ABC will use the same script writers who gave us the Bastard Boys. They have a proven record for historically accurate dramas.

    Scene 51 The Howard Years:
    Howard: God, these roasted baby Iraqis are delicious. Here Peter, have some more.

    Costello: No thanks, I’m full. I shouldn’t have sucked so much blood from the necks of the working class this afternoon.

    Howard: Eat up while you can, my boy. When that mightly defender of the poor and down-trodden, Julia Gillard, is PM there will be no more fresh baby flesh for us right-wing racist Nazis.

    Posted by Contrail on 2008 04 09 at 05:58 AM • permalink

  5. I have it on good authority they are outsourcing production to a reputable Middle Eastern firm known for their balance and even-handedness.

    Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2008 04 09 at 06:04 AM • permalink

  6. Just lurv Fran’s li’l larf mid-syllable while chatting with a luvvie - Marieke Hardy for grown-ups ... NOT.

    This is sure to be an undergrad pantomime of gargantuan proportions.

    Posted by egg_ on 2008 04 09 at 06:32 AM • permalink

  7. Can’t wait. I just love to see Fran’s face on a box. I’d prefer if it was a cardboard one, labelled ‘Gorilla Biscuits’.

    *Mandatory Disclaimer: This comment is intended as parody and/or satire. No meaning of sensibility may be implied and/or inferred and/or deemed rational.  If you have received this comment in error, you are advised to contact the sender and then stick your head up your freckle. This comment was produced using recycled electrons.*

    Posted by CB on 2008 04 09 at 06:54 AM • permalink

  8. C*nt: The John Howard Story (Copyright ABC TV)

    Posted by fidens on 2008 04 09 at 06:55 AM • permalink

  9. Oliver Stone makes fullums of bs.
    Helen Thomas has age induced mental problems
    #8 Sounds like the mirror C*nt at the Age.

    Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 04 09 at 07:18 AM • permalink

  10. #6 Don’t worry, Frans’ just a little moist at the thought of a tattoo clad woman who dresses as a six year old.

    Posted by Nic on 2008 04 09 at 07:22 AM • permalink

  11. I think Oliver Stone makes things up. Like when he wrote that American revolution documentary, “The Spirit of Seventy-Sex.”

    Posted by dean martin on 2008 04 09 at 07:36 AM • permalink

  12. #7

    Can’t wait. I just love to see Fran’s face on a box.

    Fran would prolly enjoy that, too ...

    Posted by egg_ on 2008 04 09 at 07:46 AM • permalink

  13. Just remind who is paying for this openly candid display of journalistic brilliance that 10-15% of Australia will view in the coming months.

    Posted by mehaul on 2008 04 09 at 08:07 AM • permalink

  14. #13. I missed a me. Just remind ‘me’. I was hoping I would never have to do this.

    If Sister Kevin of the early 60s, St Brendans Moorooka, knew, she would remind me also that I was vague and forgetful on the most basic sentence constructions and here I am 46 years later dumping it on the poor unsuspecting subscribers of Blairs blog.

    Ah Sister Kevin of Dublin, rest your gorgeous soul.

    Posted by mehaul on 2008 04 09 at 08:12 AM • permalink

  15. #14

    A blast from the past. I was taught by Sr Kevin at St Brendans in 1959. What a wonderful caring lady she was!! You were indeed blessed to be taught by her.

    Posted by amortiser on 2008 04 09 at 08:26 AM • permalink

  16. #14
    There’s no helpin’ some.

    Oh, Marikeeeeeee in about 60 years… Barking mad, and still dressing like a six year old.

    Posted by kae on 2008 04 09 at 08:31 AM • permalink

  17. OT but a relates to history revised.

    The Rudd government is making a song and dance about offering sanctuary to Iraqis who worked with the Australians. It is saying it doesn’t want to make the same mistake Australia made when it abandoned Vietnamese staff in Saigon.

    The word no one in Labor or the media will utter is “Whitlam” who was PM when Australia abandoned these workers in Saigon in April, 1975. It was just another of his despicable acts, like East Timor.

    Posted by Contrail on 2008 04 09 at 08:34 AM • permalink

  18. Bet it’ll be named something original like Howard’s End ...

    Posted by egg_ on 2008 04 09 at 08:36 AM • permalink

  19. #4
    Howard! The Musical ...

    Opening with a Bob Brown & David Marr duet: Little Green Fag Bag

    Posted by egg_ on 2008 04 09 at 08:50 AM • permalink

  20. #15 Amortiser. Howzat? A few years ago I was in the area and early for a meeting in Salisbury, so I decided to call in on the school.

    It seems that my year of introduction, 1959, was one of the last years that they recorded the manual introduction of Grade One names.

    So the registration lady and I piled into the old books and found the day where my mother had signed me in. That was special. She was so much younger than I am now.

    The same rego lady then took me on a tour of the school. Wow. What I remember as an enormous faculty is in reality one of the world’s smallest convents.

    I trace my claustrophobia back to being crushed under the entire Grade 1 and 2 classes in a lunch hour game of League. I blame no one and am yet to have conselling on the issue. Bloody Sister Kevin.

    Posted by mehaul on 2008 04 09 at 09:09 AM • permalink

  21. If George Bush actually had said that that would be cool, but alas I doubt any such scene occurred.

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2008 04 09 at 09:57 AM • permalink

  22. Get in the damn box, Helen.

    Posted by mojo on 2008 04 09 at 10:42 AM • permalink

  23. ...is this Oliver Stone writing the “story” of George Bush, or Quentin Tarantino?

    Posted by Patrick Chester on 2008 04 09 at 10:55 AM • permalink

  24. #21 Andrea

    I was thinking the same thing. If it actually were in the flick, the audience would likely erupt in cheers - the exact opposite reaction Oliver Stone is aiming for, I’m certain.

    Posted by Spiny Norman on 2008 04 09 at 10:58 AM • permalink

  25. #23

    I suspect Stone is trying to be Tarantino… writing for Samuel L. Jackson.

    I wonder if GW has ever even used the term “motherfucker”. It sounds much too urban, and not “Texan” much at all.

    Posted by Spiny Norman on 2008 04 09 at 11:02 AM • permalink

  26. I love that about liberals. Hussein tried to assassinate the President of the United States and to them it’s just “he tried to kill Georgie’s daddy.”

    Posted by tim maguire on 2008 04 09 at 11:21 AM • permalink

  27. Helen Thomas is still alive?

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2008 04 09 at 11:38 AM • permalink

  28. You know Tim, it’s just possible that this ABC series might be all right. Labor in Power certainly was. And I’m sure it won’t be a drama series like Contrail is assuming - I agree we’d be in trouble if it was.

    Posted by Captain Wacky on 2008 04 09 at 11:42 AM • permalink

  29. So it’s a comedy, then?

    Posted by MikeTheLibrarian on 2008 04 09 at 01:03 PM • permalink

  30. Helen Thomas is still alive?

    Undead, perhaps.

    Posted by Patrick Chester on 2008 04 09 at 01:56 PM • permalink

  31. Vaguely ontopic:

    I’ve seen Rudd on the telly a couple of times (sorry, but Australia doesn’t rate very high on German TV news), but today was the first time I truly realized why you guys are saying what you’re saying about him. There he was, asked for comments about the Australian leg of the Olympic torch run, and he ended up sounding all tough about how they’re going to reject any Chinese “assistance” in protecting it, all the while he’s looking like the deputy assistant to the under-secretary of the department of internal affairs, not like the Prime Minister of Australia.

    I’ve probably seen more ridiculous things on the news before, but none came readily to mind.

    Posted by PW on 2008 04 09 at 04:40 PM • permalink

  32. #27 Is Helen still alive? Not sure. The White House Press Corps could be doing a “Weekend at Bernies” with her.

    Posted by Deborah Leigh on 2008 04 09 at 04:48 PM • permalink

  33. #32
    Helen Thomas would be the White House Press Corpse?

    Posted by kae on 2008 04 09 at 05:11 PM • permalink

  34. The ernest Whitlam biopic was called The Dismissal.
    Will the Howard ‘tribute’ be called The Dismal?
    The terrible thought is that his former colleagues will disloyally dump on him, as some have already:
    “Well, I never really agreed with ... but John was sooo insistent...etc, etc”

    Posted by Barrie on 2008 04 09 at 05:25 PM • permalink

  35. The appalling treatment being given to Brendan Nelson by the media (including cartoonists who often say they are there to keep the government from being too puffed up) suggests that he is being punished for apostasy.

    Posted by blogstrop on 2008 04 09 at 06:28 PM • permalink

  36. #35 Nelson is the diversion from the krudd we are in.

    Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 04 09 at 07:26 PM • permalink

  37. Sheesh.  How much money does Hollywood have to lose, anyway?

    /And how can I get some of it?

    Posted by SwampWoman on 2008 04 09 at 07:55 PM • permalink

  38. God, I wish Bush had said that!

    And a whole lot more. 

    Screw his “new tone” - kick ass and takes names.  In DC.

    Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2008 04 09 at 10:07 PM • permalink

  39. Perhaps author of the “Hawke Ascendancy” and the “Dismissal” Paul Kelly from the Murdoch stable could assist with the script to bring a bit of “balance”

    Posted by watty on 2008 04 10 at 12:36 AM • permalink

  40. #18 Being one of the non-NSW seppos I hit the link then remembered that Howard might not be a reference to a really tedious art house movie.

    Posted by Pat Patterson on 2008 04 10 at 11:58 PM • permalink

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