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NATION HAS A HELPER
Kevni Ruff rallies Australia to his cause:
“My name is Kevin, I’m from Queensland and I’m here to help.”
UPDATE. More from Kevni:
“Mr Howard is a climate change denier. This is the modern equivalent of arguing that the earth is flat and that NASA faked the moon landing and that Elvis is out there somewhere still flipping burgers in Florida. That’s how in touch with reality Mr Howard is on this one.”
Ooh. Withering.
An image search of “Kevin from Queensland” brings numerous gems like this.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 04 26 at 11:47 PM • permalink‘at the crossroads’, ‘future versus the past’, ‘fresh thinking’, ‘the history of nations’ ‘our opponents… have become the party of the past’, ‘rather than simply being the lucky country, we will have to make our own luck’.
Say what you like about Kev, he can clearly use Google: ‘political cliches’.
When will people stop using Donald Horne’s phrase ‘the lucky country’ without having any idea at all what he meant by it. He was a Marxist for God’s sake. He hated Australia.
“The challenge of militant Islamism and how we respond to the complexity of its threat - in substance rather than in sound bite.”
- Kevin Rudd at the ALP National Conference.
“A Rudd Labor government with a foreign policy that protects Australia’s interests or a Howard Government that took our nation to war based on a lie.”
- John Faulkner at the ALP National Conference.
There is no debate or dispute as to whether Saddam Hussein possesses weapons of mass destruction. He does.”
- Kevin Rudd, before the war.
Sing song time, it’s Friday, it’s rabbit pie day song..
On the Farm Kevni is resting,
cause there’s more
greenhouse protesting
So ev’ry Friday, that ever comes along
He gets up early,And tries to remember this little song…Run, kevy, run, kevy, run, run, run
Run, kevy, run, julia, run, run, run
Bang, bang, bang, bang! goes the farmer’s low’s gun
Run, kevni, run, kevy, run, run, run—————
or Sing I’d love to have a drink with Kevin song!
p.s.
The image of Kev, is he trying to show the “shrinkage” amount, or is it Shrinkage morning Herald trying to cut costs?In a foxhole pinned down by enemy fire? Trapped in a burning building? Hanging from a fraying rope off the side of a cliff? Pulling survivors from a terrorist-bombed bus? Nope. I just can’t imagine the situation where I’d be encouraged by hearing the line ,“My name is Kevin, I’m from Queensland and I’m here to help”.
“I’m from <insert organization of choice>, and I’m here to help”
Here in the United States, that’s a joke, and the person uttering is not to be taken seriously.
Oh, wait, Rudd “quipped”. That says it all, of course.
Sheesh!
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 27 at 12:00 AM • permalink#14 Right, TRJ. See here.
The Three Great Lies
“Of course I’ll respect you in the morning.”
“The check is in the mail.”
“I’m from the government, and I’m here to help you.”
Some people are inspired by Churchill or Martin Luther King or John F. Kennedy. Kevni is inspired by one of The Three Great Lies.
(tune: Mr. Ed theme song)
Hello, I’m Mr. Kev
A horse is a horse, of course, of course,
And no one will listen to what a horse will endorse
That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mister Kev.Go right to the source and ask the horse
He’ll give you an answer that’s hours of discourse,But its really his missus who has all the force,
Talk to Mister Kev.People yakkity yak a streak and waste your time of day
But Mr. Kev will always speak and never has nothing to sayA horse is a horse, of course, of course,
And this one’ll talk ‘til his voice is hoarse.
You’ve never from the arse of a horse?Well listen to this: “I’m Mister Kev.”
He warns of the end of the mining boom, but says we have to prepare for the rise of China and India.
If these two nations continue to rise, won’t they want our raw materials to build stuff and generate electricity ?
Or is he planning to close all the mines and the farms so we don’t have anything to sell them?
Or is he going to go over there and piss the Chinese off so bad they tell us to stick our coal, iron ore, gas, copper etc up our collective arses?
Let’s throw up the tariff barriers to protect manufacturing industries, re regulate the economy, buy back the PMG, the Commonwealth Bank and QANTAS. Then we can all go back to a bucholic existence on a dairy farm near Eumundi producing fat for Britian.
Who’s watching black and white TV ?
Fuck off Poindexter, but before you do, what has YOUR mummy made ME for MY play lunch.
#10 C.L.
This also from today’s speech by Rudd .
The Australian people turned to Labor in the darkest days of the last world war when Curtin, seeing clearly the new reality, turned to America without pang or regret. And so the nation was saved.
Bet you won’t see that part in the newly pared paper.
#20 We’re going to make things.
I’m getting started on a woollen coathanger cover right now.
Those Chinese manufacturing pussies are just going to have to learn to live on their knees!
Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 04 27 at 12:30 AM • permalink#23 Nice work 1.6
Should also include:
Blair is a renowned bounder and cad who treats 1.618 like a number.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 04 27 at 12:35 AM • permalink#20 Rebase
Oh I see, a nation of factory workers. Nirfuckingvanah.
All this “boom” bullshit is just that. It’s not a boom, it’s the result of 150 odd years of exploration, development, massive capital investment, marketing and preparation for the inevitable demand from the rest of the world for our primary products as their economies develop.
Anyone who feels like a bit of a read might like to get hold of “The Rush That Never Ended” by Prof Geoffrey Blainey.
We have a fantastic competitive advantage in respect of minerals. Call it luck if you will, but don’t be ashamed of it. We’re very very good at it.
Hurt that Dirt.
Gunna be bonza when we’re all earning 16c an hour assembling vibrating eggs and tamagotchi’s in competition with those bloody Chinks and Curries.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 27 at 12:39 AM • permalinkSeems to me the Ruddster not only speaks mandarin, he may be ready to secede Australia to Beijing in exchange for the top job.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 04 27 at 12:48 AM • permalinkKev from Qld’s latest political advertising.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 27 at 12:50 AM • permalinkStrewth. The new ALP song is cheesier than a French fromage factory foreman’s finger.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 27 at 01:01 AM • permalinkKevni is inspired by one of The Three Great Lies.
C.L., that’s not surprising from someone who thinks “Fresh Thinking” (SFW, relax) is something new.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 27 at 01:03 AM • permalinkDear Kevin,
I’m so glad you showed up. The little one has been crying for 7 hours now and despite every trick in the book, just won’t settle. Glad you can look after her. Can you also do the grocery shopping, finish our gardening, wash the cars (using spit only), vacuum and dust. Mate, you’re a legend.
ps why do you mention what State you are from? Is that like saying:
“relax, we’re from the internets”
Hold on, where are you going? We have dim sims flown in just for you ... wait ...
Wow, that was easy ;)
Kev, if you’re available for odd jobs, the gutters could do with a clean this weekend.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 27 at 01:16 AM • permalinkWe’re going to make things.
“My name is Kevin, I’m from Queensland and I’m here to help…with your arts and crafts! Who wants the wallet kit? Who wants the mocassins?”
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 04 27 at 01:18 AM • permalinkRudd:
Mr Howard is a climate change denier. This is the modern equivalent of arguing that the earth is flat and that NASA faked the moon landing and that Elvis is out there somewhere still flipping burgers in Florida.
Rudd has laid his cards for all to see and has thus alienated a fair share of the population who are scared to admit that they are also deniers.
“I don’t want to be a prime minister of a country that doesn’t make things any more.”
And how are we going to make things while cutting our carbon emissions by 90 per cent?
Perhaps Kevni is banking on a candlemaker-led economic boom?
Posted by Art Vandelay on 2007 04 27 at 01:31 AM • permalinkSpeech falls flatter than a shit carter’s hat.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 27 at 01:32 AM • permalinkTim, we need a caption contest for this photo of Kev
#54 - Kevin mimes what he’ll do to get your vote.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 27 at 01:35 AM • permalink#53 - If Matt Price, chief arse licker and booster for Kevni isn’t impressed, it must have been very flat.
Posted by boxofmatches on 2007 04 27 at 01:35 AM • permalinkHe’s about one speech away from, “Your Labor pal who’s fun to be with…”
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 04 27 at 01:35 AM • permalinkIs this really another election where the ALP and the media pretends that the ALP leader is a whole person?
Will the electorate really have to find out for itself what a sociopath Kevin Runt is?
I am fuming!
Posted by boxofmatches on 2007 04 27 at 01:38 AM • permalinkJust wondering, are those the words he used, concerning job losses in the Queensland PS. Or were they; “Hi, I am known as Dr Death and I’m here to help”.
Rampant hypocrisy, not only from ‘another’ politician, but from one who is so desperate for the ‘keys to the Lodge’, he uses ‘marketing slogans’ as well as ‘marketing (crap) hype’, to get some suckers to vote him and his ‘mates’ in there.A Worker’s Utopia
A rice bowl and 16 cents an hour for the proles.
Long lunches and straining wallets for the public service mandarins.
Posted by boxofmatches on 2007 04 27 at 01:45 AM • permalinkA letter writer in the Australian probably had the most astute observation ive seen made on one key plank of Krudds IR platform.
“JULIA Gillard says that Labor plans to put IR advisers out into the suburbs, right in amongst the workers and employers. Seems to me that what she and the Labor Party really want is for the taxpayer to fund and replace union delegates and organisers. After all, the proposed Fair Work Australia body would need to recruit hundreds, if not thousands, of field workers and the only people qualified, indeed interested, in such work are the foot soldiers of the unions. Let us hope that the voters can see this for what it is.
John Darcy
Chisholm, ACT”Thats a bloody good call in my opinion, looks like Krudd would like to put a union overseer in any company that has a reasonable sized payroll and get taxpayers to fund it.
Anyone else hear this bit in any of the “wall to wall all Krudd all the time” ABC newscasts today?Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 04 27 at 01:47 AM • permalinkKevin rolls up his sleeves and gets to work making things.
(The bearded one is Barry Jones. Or a Japanese sheep.)
From #53
There was none of the excitement accompanying Mark Latham’s performance in 2004, although every mention and appearance of Julia Gillard produced spontaneous applause.
Less exciting than Mark Latham? And the Gillard-induced applause reminds me of the encouragement a parent gives a child when they are potty training.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 04 27 at 01:50 AM • permalink‘We must move forward… not backwards, not to the side, not forwards, but always whirling, whirling, whirling towards freedom.’
You can use that Kevni - from Kang, Simpsons, 1989.
Posted by boxofmatches on 2007 04 27 at 01:53 AM • permalink#54- The Federal ALP hopes the release of the new latex Kevni Rudd Doll will further entrench their support in the inner electorates of Sydney, especially the ones bisected by Oxford Street. A handout at remote oil exploration sites has been disastrous; the staffer responsible apparently misheard the instruction from senior advisers, who had suggested that they be given out to vegemite drillers.
#73 - The real Kevin appears to be made out of latex as well.
Posted by boxofmatches on 2007 04 27 at 01:59 AM • permalink#67 - Amazing insight. Legislated, publicly funded unionism. What a lurk. A party secretary in every office.
Posted by boxofmatches on 2007 04 27 at 02:00 AM • permalink#54- Federal Opposition leader Kevin Rudd has been seeking alternative ways to boost his public profile since losing his regular spot on Channel 7s “Sunrise” program, and this morning was meeting morning punters at Luna Park in the role of replacement laughing clown, while one of the regulars is off getting fag burns buffed of its face and discarded chewy gouged out of its earholes.
Mr Rudd said “it’s an excellent way to meet a broad strata of Australian society, well carnies and bogans anyway, and unlike that old fart Howard I can still pontificate and spout glib platitudes with a gobful of table tennis balls. It’s only drawback is afterwards- have you ever tried to flush a shitter full of pingpong balls? They sure float better than any of my ideas.”
81. lotocoti
I caught about 3 hourd on radio national this morning and must have missed it. Id expect the unions to roll over and play dead to anything Krudd says if they think he can deliver on that lurk. It will also be a stream of gold into the ALP’s coffers from their pet union bosses for as long as they can stay in power.
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 04 27 at 02:24 AM • permalinkI don’t want to be a prime minister of a country that doesn’t make things any more.
Mrs Rudd does $58 million a year in business running job placement programs. She manufactures nothing.
#85 - How about that poodle haircut?
I think Christie Allen everytime I see her.
Wonder if she has a bottle green satin suit?Posted by boxofmatches on 2007 04 27 at 02:31 AM • permalink#81 - ‘Fran Kelly eased up on her gusset moistening enthusiasm’
Thats a mental image I can do without.
Thats got to be worth a yellow card, my friend.Posted by boxofmatches on 2007 04 27 at 02:34 AM • permalinkquote] When will people stop using Donald Horne’s phrase ‘the lucky country’ without having any idea at all what he meant by it. He was a Marxist for God’s sake. He hated Australia.
damn straight, allan. if Australia was ‘the lucky country’ it wouldn’t have been burdened with the likes Horne. The procession of charlatans, poseurs, pretenders and dissemblers like him who have made/make their crust denigrating Australia is appalling.
#54
My name is Kevin Rudd, I’m from Queensland and I’m here to audition for the head job..Posted by Viril Brun on 2007 04 27 at 02:38 AM • permalinkHeres Kevin revin’ up his new IR policy for the 21st century
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 04 27 at 02:39 AM • permalink“One Stop Shop” is another bit of management sounds-good lingo. We used it back in the 90s when consolidating various IT help desks. It was a complete crock - you went from having to keep a list of several numbers to ring but at least you’d speak to the person who could help you to having one number to ring, but where you’d invariably speak to someone who couldn’t help you, would take your details, and put you in a queue.
Rudd today:
“Mr Howard doesn’t believe in a single idea that didn’t appear on black and white TV. No-one is a bigger fan of Ward Cleaver than me, but the world has changed since ‘Leave it to Beaver’.”
This quote contains a little too much detail for someone accusing someone else of living in the past.
Rudd still:
“Time’s up. Time’s up for Mr Howard, time’s up for Mr Howard and his Government.”
Time’s up=it’s time. Another blast from a very distance past, this time Whitlam’s slogan of 34 years ago. This is pre-ABBA for Christ’s sake.
More Kevni:
He likened Mr Howard’s attitude to climate change to that of believing the earth was flat, the moon landing was faked or Elvis was still alive flipping burgers in Florida.
Copernicus disproved flat earth in the 16th century, the moon landing was 38 years ago and Elvis, Rudd’s must modern analogy, died 30 years ago. Kevni, old fruit, it’s the 21st century mate. Catch up with the rest of us.
One Stop Shop - Alcohol Tobacco Firearms.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 27 at 02:45 AM • permalinkHoward should schedule the election during State Of O. That “I’m a Queenslander” shit won’t play to well in the marginal Western Sydney seats.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 27 at 02:48 AM • permalink93. Contrail
In 30 years time it will be “He likened Mr Howard (the 3rds) attitude to ant men taking over the earth to that of believing in climate change, the 9/11 attacks were done by GWB or Al Gore was still alive flipping burgers in Florida.
(the last one may turn out true, yes I live in hope)
/fixed it for you.
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 04 27 at 02:51 AM • permalinkKevin should have read his Ronald Reagan:
Posted by Villeurbanne on 2007 04 27 at 03:03 AM • permalinkI’m here to help.
I don’t want to be a prime minister of a country that doesn’t make things any more.
It seems to me that these statements are part of a strategy to paint Kevni as uncomplicated, straight-forward and unpretentious (probably on the advice of image consultants).
Here’s hoping the electorate will see through this between now and the election.
Posted by Art Vandelay on 2007 04 27 at 03:05 AM • permalink#98: “Al Gore was still alive flipping burgers in Florida.”
Have you seen the guy recently? He must be eating every one of those burgers!
Posted by Villeurbanne on 2007 04 27 at 03:11 AM • permalinkThis is the modern equivalent of arguing that…NASA faked the moon landing
Plagiarised.
<a href=“http://www.abc.net.au/tv/enoughrope/transcripts/s1734175.htm”>Enough Rope</a>, last year:
ANDREW DENTON: Yet despite the enormity of what you have just suggested, there are global warming sceptics, people disinterested or not interested in hearing what you have to say. When you’re at a dinner party and a global warming sceptic expresses doubt, what do you say to them? What’s the thing you zing them between the eyes with to stop them in their tracks?
AL GORE: Well, I had a dinner party in Amsterdam not long ago, and I was at a dinner party, and there were about 12 people at my table, and sceptics spoke up and I said, well, you know, there are some 15 per cent of the people who think that the Apollo landing on the moon was staged in a movie lot in Arizona…
#100 Nic,
Of course the unspoken part of this message is that Kevni will always go a little further for the “True Believers”
Posted by Viril Brun on 2007 04 27 at 03:24 AM • permalinkSome 20-odd years go, our dyslexic son (who is now with the RAN in the Persian Gulf) asked his mother and I, after a report on the anniversary of Elvis’s death: “If Elvis wasn’t dead, would he still be alive?”.
We both understood perfectly what he was wondering about.
It is clear that krudd doesn’t appreciate that, now, if Elvis wasn’t dead, he would still be dead.
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 04 27 at 03:31 AM • permalinkPS: my current favorite song of all time - Belle and Sebastian’s Century of Elvis
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 04 27 at 03:40 AM • permalink“Mr Howard is a climate change denier. This is the modern equivalent of arguing that the earth is flat and that NASA faked the moon landing and that Elvis is out there somewhere still flipping burgers in Florida.”
An autopsy proved Elvis is dead. Lasers bounced off of reflectors left by astronauts proved the moon landings occured. Pictures from the moon proved the Earth is round.
The proof of human-caused, catastrophic global warming is…?
The proof of human-caused, catastrophic global warming is…?
Sting, Bono and Kev Rudd said so.
Posted by boxofmatches on 2007 04 27 at 04:30 AM • permalinkI know my anecdotes might get a bit boring, but, this time over 25 year ago when I was a young project manager of a project in Ethiopia, we had some problems with the client, a soviet-style government agency.
Discouraged, I went to my boss and told him about what was going on.
He listened to me. Thought for minute and said: “this is what we do”.
Eagerly, I leant forward and listened.
‘We send them a telex (remember those?) and we say ...”.
I reached for my notebook.
“.. fuck you. Strong letter follows”.
Words to live by and words to lying scumbucket hypocrite, Al.
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 04 27 at 04:58 AM • permalinkMultiple posts this arvo are due to fact that I’m in my apt in HCMC, packing to go to Mongolia for a month and trying to finish off the ‘goon of red oz wine that will certainly go off before I get back.
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 04 27 at 05:02 AM • permalinkI guess the edict to make stuff has sunk the “clever country” idea.
Posted by mr creosote on 2007 04 27 at 07:29 AM • permalink“and that Elvis is out there somewhere still flipping burgers in Florida”
Now everyone in America knows that’s just silly.
Elvis is
eatingflipping burgers at the Mall of America.Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2007 04 27 at 08:44 AM • permalinkWords to live by and words to lying scumbucket hypocrite, Al.
Works for me as well, Jack!
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 27 at 09:42 AM • permalinkThe lyrics to Labor’s new election year theme song (note, they actually paid for this):
A Change in the Weather
Now do you remember
I promised in winter
That our hearts would be lighter one day?
And sooner than later
The sky would be brighter
And everything would be OK?Do you see it ?
Do you feel it ?
Yes you knew it was coming
The waiting is over
There’s a change in the weatherNow
I see it now
I hear it now
I feel it now
Now
I see it now
I hear it now
I feel it now
And after tomorrow
I promise to hold you
As we walk away from yesterdayDo you see it?
Do you feel it?
Yes you knew it was coming
The waiting is over
There’s a change in the weather(chorus)
See it
The waiting is over
There’s a change in the weather
_________________________For the first time, I think Rudd may actually be more dangerous and mad than Mark Latham.
Just wanted to thank all of you for your very entertaining comments
I’m still laughing at some of them
And I’m also really sad - there are so many ignorant people who haven’t got a clue about anything to do with politics but will front up to the polling booths in November to vote for the Labor Party as “it’s time for a change”
OK so let’s ruin the economy, let’s stuff up our US alliance, let’s bring in more Hilalis - and vote for Labor!
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2007 04 27 at 11:19 AM • permalinkI think of Kevin Rudd whenever the Lincoln Meyer character appears on ‘Boston Legal.’ Although to be fair to Kevin he wouldn’t be caught dead wearing the Lincoln Meyer white jacket and black bowtie.
My name is Kevin, I’m from Queensland and I’m pissed of that some second rate politician has pinched my line.
Posted by KevGillett on 2007 04 27 at 06:09 PM • permalinkthats ‘pissed off’ ....too many
DumbPure Blondes last nightPosted by KevGillett on 2007 04 27 at 06:15 PM • permalinkRudd’s introductory line reminded me of something. It took my son to pinpoint it. It is a Frank Zappa song titled Rudy Wants To Buy Yez A Drink from the album Chunga’s Revenge:
Hi and howdy doody.
I’m a union man
You can call me Rudy.
Any of you boys not paid up on your cards?You know I’m pleased to meet ya
Been tryin all day to reach ya
The union’s here to help everyone of you rock ‘n’ roll stars.The song continued with a veiled threat to shoot anyone who didn’t pay their union dues. Hmmmmm.
#3 Margos, I love North Queensland. These folks be regulatr folks. But Townsville ain’t North Queensland.
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 04 27 at 08:24 PM • permalink
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Sounds like someone looking for work during The Depression.