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“NO ONE CAN BELIEVE THAT A TREE IS MORE POWERFUL THAN A HUMAN”
Fatah vs. Hamas? That’s nothing. Prepare for the coming war between sap-drunk Christian greens and tree-hacking Islamic avengers:
Churches around Maine will be showing a film about climate change this week and next as part of an unprecedented nationwide push by faith-based groups to encourage people to view the care-taking of the environment as a spiritual obligation.
“Our focus is on mobilizing a religious response to global warming,” Bill Bradlee, managing director of Interfaith Power and Light, said Tuesday ...
“I do see this as a spiritual issue,” said Rosalie Deri, a Quaker in Farmington.
Go tell it to Jakarta’s branch-lopping Islamic youth, Rosalie:
A hard-line Muslim youth group chopped up a 100-year-old banyan tree in central Jakarta to prove it did not have mystical powers, as rumors had led some locals to believe ...
The head of the Muslim youth group acknowledged attacking the banyan, saying it did so to prove that there was nothing mystical about it.
“Surely, no one can believe that a tree is more powerful than a human,” Zainal Arifin was quoted as saying by the Detik.Com news Web site. “We did this to propagate Islam.”
Oh, clever move, Zainal. Now you’ve got Gaia pissed, and she’s not the kind to respond by organising an interfaith discussion and hand-holding ceremony. And, once you’ve been smited by Gaia, believe me, you will know you have been smited. You’re aware of “disproportionate response”? That crazy Earth God Lady invented it. Good luck finding an off-planet hideout, you future-bitch-of-Gaia.
UPDATE. The world’s tallest tree is now one foot shorter, due to wahhabist woodpeckers.
Oh, clever move, Zainal. Now you’ve got Gaia pissed, and she’s not the kind to respond by organising an interfaith discussion and hand-holding ceremony. And, once you’ve been smited by Gaia, believe me, you will know you have been smited. You’re aware of “disproportionate response”? That crazy Earth God Lady invented it. Good luck finding an off-planet hideout, you future-bitch-of-Gaia.—Posted by Tim B
Is Tim talking about Gaia? Or is he talking about Andrea? Because that pretty much sums up what happens when Andrea is angry at us.
(purses lips, looks pensive)
Gaia. Andrea. Andrea. Gaia. They sound errily similar. And I’ve never actually seen Andrea, in the person. I always she just dressed like Athena, for effect. Could it be possible?
(previews comment, makes sure no excess italics or hypens are included)
Posted by wronwright on 2006 10 04 at 02:56 PM • permalinkThat other tree with mystical powers, “the most famous and treasured tree in Australian history” The Tree of Knowledge, which was poisoned earlier in the year, has died.
Perhaps the Barcaldine police should extend their enquiries in the direction of ‘Islamic youths’.
If, by doing so, they crack this baffling case, I claim the $10,000 reward posted by the ALP.Okies, it’s Islamic sing song time.
This is a song sung by Mohumud to Allah in the bath when he received the vision.
Here’s the mic. and sing song along….
Oh Allah it’s hard to be humble
When you’re perfect in every way
I can’t wait to look in the mirror
Cuz I get better lookin each dayTo know me is to love me
I must be a hell of a prophet man
Oh Allah it’s hard to be humble
But I’m doin’ the best that I canI used to have a 6 year old girlfriend
But I guess she just couldn’t compete
With all these love starved burka women
Who keep clamoring at my feet (bit hard to sing that bit)...Well I probably could find me another 12 sisters
But I guess they’re all in awe of me
Who cares I never get lonesome
Cuz I treasure my own companyOh Allah it’s hard to be humble
When you’re perfect in every way
I can’t wait to look in the mirror
Cuz my hair back gets betta lookin each day.To know me is to luvv me
I must be a hell of a prophet man
Oh Allah it’s hard to be humble
But I’m doin the best that with Rum-a-dumb I canBut I’m doin the best that I can (high note)
Like Billy Connoly said, there are people in Glasgow who when they wake up on a sunny morning will say “We´ll pay for this!”
It´s a strange religious belief whereby if things are good you need to repent and feel guilty about it. Boozing, sex, gambling, etc. are bad presumably because you can´t have too good a time. IMH experience this is mostly a Protestant affair, Catholics seem able to sin without feeling guilty about it.
Anyway, I always thought enviromentalism was a religion (the litany as Lomborg said) so I´m not surprised that churches have caught on to it. Instead of repent or you´ll go to hell it´s repent or the world will end.#4 & #5 -
I think that I shall never see,
A poem lovely as a tree,And, unless the billboards fall,
I’ll never see a tree at all.;-p
Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2006 10 04 at 06:22 PM • permalinkMaybe those Islamists were behind another dastardly case of arboricide, destroying the leafy totem of a dwindling, irrational doomsday cult.
I blame Clint Eastwood for “singin’” I Talk to the Trees”.
Posted by Pat Patterson on 2006 10 04 at 07:43 PM • permalink“Surely, no one can believe that a tree is more powerful than a human,” Zainal Arifin was quoted as saying by the Detik.Com news Web site. “We did this to propagate Islam.”
Excellent! Now the Jews and Our Dark Master Karl have the excuse they need to fire up the tsunami generator again!
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 10 04 at 07:45 PM • permalinkBut smit hovich…
And if Andrea looks like paco’s film noir version of her smiting him, I’m smitten!
Posted by Vanguard of the Commentariat on 2006 10 04 at 08:52 PM • permalink#23 Dave S. said:
Gaia smited;
Actually, Gaia smote.
I/you/we/they smite, smote, have smitten.
He/she/it smites (or smiteth), smote, has (or hath) smitten.Jimmy smits.
LOL! :-)
Posted by Mary in LA on 2006 10 04 at 08:58 PM • permalink“Surely, no one can believe that a tree is more powerful than a human,” Zainal Arifin was quoted as saying . . .
Oh yeah? Well, Zainal Retentive,
try this on for size.There’s a letter in today’s Age which argues Climate Change is far more frightening than Islamic terror.
If only we could get the two evils to fight each other!
oooh farting dinosaurs cause a climate change of 6 degrees all those years ago.
From the new scientist mag.
http://tinyurl.com/h8sawHeretic!!!!
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2006 10 04 at 09:35 PM • permalinkIs Tim talking about Gaia? Or is he talking about Andrea? Because that pretty much sums up what happens when Andrea is angry at us.
We’ve often been mistaken for one another.
Churches around Maine will be showing a film about climate change this week and next as part of an unprecedented nationwide push by faith-based groups to encourage people to view the care-taking of the environment as a spiritual obligation.
I guess since they’re in Maine they’ll be praying for global warming to happen faster.
“Surely, no one can believe that a tree is more powerful than a human,” Zainal Arifin was quoted as saying by the Detik.Com news Web site.
There are some homeowners here in Florida who could tell him otherwise.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 10 04 at 09:40 PM • permalinkGrimmy:
Ohhh, you are in soooo much trouble!
You said Andrea is as big and round as a planet. So big, in fact, that she generates enough gravity to hold onto the moon.Sigh. Not quite—but I’m starting to attract some of the lesser asteroids. I’m not sure whether I should start dieting or simply try to control their orbit. There are a few places in the world that I’ve often thought would be improved by a couple of asteroid strikes. And the resulting debris-caused Ice Age would certainly end that global warming problem. Hm… I’ve got some ice cream in the freezer…
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 10 04 at 09:43 PM • permalinkOn’ya, Mary in LA. Saved me the trouble of playing resident pedant again.
On the subject of arborophobic Islam, this is nothing new. I post the below, risking being smitten by she that smiteth, because the history and recent crimes against trees smote me root and branch. Also becuase the pertinent bits are so deeply embedded in a longer article that posting a link does not suit my purpose.
There is a country where you dare not gossip about other people on the bus in Mandarin, Russian, Hindi, Lithuanian, Hungarian, Polish, or Romanian lest others on the bus understand what you are saying.
Yup. Israel. The Jews returning to Israel at the end of the last century found a denuded country.
The pine and oak forests of Biblical times had been cut by successive conquerors and laid bare by centuries of uncontrolled grazing of goats by Bedouin.
The final blow came in the 19th century when the ruling Ottoman Turks clearcut whatever forest remained to obtain timber for building the trans-Arabian railroad. They left the country more than 97 percent bare.
The Negev area is a desert that was made by people. Years of overgrazing removed practically all vegetation, exposing the limestone soils to increased runoff and erosion. Israeli foresters are using trees to transform desert into savanna.
In most countries people are born to forests, and forests are given to them by nature. But in Israel, if you see a tree, it was planted by somebody.
Now, in addition to dealing with the challenges of nature, Israeli foresters are facing a new threat: political arson.
In the summer of 1988, some 1,200 wildfires ravaged Israel’s forests and pasture lands, destroying 40,500 acres and 1.2 million trees. The financial loss was estimated at $43.4 million.
In 1989 Israelis mourned an estimated 250,000 trees destroyed in a blaze that blackened 2,000 acres of their beloved Carmel National Park.
About 30 percent of the fires have been definitely linked to arson, Avraham Kalman (Director of JNF USA) says. In another 60 percent the cause couldn’t be determined, but arson is certainly a possibility.
“It was said out publicly in the Arab quarter,” Kalman notes. “There were communiques. We found them. Burn the Israeli forest.’ ”
In the Middle East, planting trees implies ownership of the land. Burning trees inflicts symbolic as well as economic damage.
“They know the side effect, the emotional effect,” Kalman continues, and they’re trying to hit us in a sensitive area. . . . Trees are life. You’re planting life ... and they’re burning it. The feeling is horrible.”
The amateur arsonists quickly became pros, Kalman adds, using delayed-ignition devices and starting fires simultaneously at multiple sites. JNF for the most part has been underequipped and has had to rely on fire engines from nearby municipalities. Nevertheless, Sas notes, “More than 60 percent of our fires were put down in less than an acre; the other 40 percent did the damage.”
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 10 04 at 10:18 PM • permalinkYet more evidence that the Jihadibots do, in fact, worship death.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2006 10 04 at 10:32 PM • permalinkIt does indeed, davo.
Twain (snips from “Innocents Abroad”, and time for a painkiller as I had to reach way up and over to get it down):
“A desolate country whose soil is rich enough, but is given over wholly to weeds… a silent mournful expanse…. a desolation…. we never saw a human being on the whole route…. hardly a tree or shrub anywhere. Even the olive tree and the cactus, those fast friends of a worthless soil, had almost deserted the country.”
OK, OK, so his visit was in summer, just after a protracted Maronite/Druze “contretemps”, he cites no demographic data, and he comes from the fecundity of the American Midwest—I still reckon he paints a pretty accurate account.He liked the view of Damascus though:
“Damascus is beautiful from the mountain. It is beautiful even to foreigners accustomed to luxuriant vegetation, and I can easily understand how unspeakably beautiful it must be to eyes that are only used to the God-forsaken barrenness and desolation of Syria.”[italics mine]
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 10 05 at 12:05 AM • permalinkIran has issued a fatwa:
“Deliberate masturbation during the month of Ramadan renders a fast invalid, Iranian Supreme Leader Sayyid Ali Khameini has ruled.
Khameini, who is Iran’s most powerful political and religious figure, was asked on his website : “If somebody masturbates during the month of Ramadan but without any discharge, is his fasting invalidated?”
“If he do not intend masturbation and discharging semen and nothing is discharged, his fasting is correct even though he has done a ḥarām (forbidden) act. But, if he intends masturbation or he knows that he usually discharges semen by this process and semen really comes out, it is a ḥaram intentional breaking fasting,” the Iranian leader said, posting the reply on his website”I contemplate an extensive program of cultural defiance.
Posted by Ernst Blofeld on 2006 10 05 at 12:14 AM • permalinkDouble dip me in a vat of purple puke, Ernst, you have got to be putting us on?
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 10 05 at 12:18 AM • permalinkMy teenage years consisted of me committing a ḥarām every time I cracked a fatwa.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 10 05 at 12:29 AM • permalink#41 - The fast is broken if semen is discharged? Exactly how do muslims dispose of discharge after cleaning the pipes?
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 10 05 at 12:45 AM • permalinkThats nothing, I found a rulling on an ask an Imam site that women can wank anytime because they dont ejaculate!!! So ladys, knock yourself out.
I have found a number of educational videos on the internet that would beg to differ, purely in the interests of futhering my education you understand…Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2006 10 05 at 02:02 AM • permalinkYeah, clearly Islam is in touch with its spiritual side.
So what’s next, a fatwa against trees? How about against the Sun? Hehehe.
Try to win that battle yer dickheads.
Posted by The Best Infidel on 2006 10 05 at 02:52 AM • permalinkIn other news, apparently a man died today while chopping down a tree
It’s a pity that the tree the Islamists chopped down didn’t kill them either. At least that would have gotten rid of a couple without using any bullets or bombs.
Posted by The Best Infidel on 2006 10 05 at 02:56 AM • permalink#52 Are you referring to “Burkha Babes Gone Wild” or “My ‘G’had Spot”?
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 10 05 at 03:52 AM • permalink“Deep Throat Slit”
“Debbie does Damascus”
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 10 05 at 03:58 AM • permalinkDoes anyone remember the line of trees that apparently grew to resemble the Arabic word for “Allah”? I wonder if they’ll mind if I chop them up to prove there’s nothing mystical about them?
Posted by James Waterton on 2006 10 05 at 07:18 AM • permalinkSt. Boniface did the same stunt in Germany in the AD720’s. He chopped down an oak tree sacred to Odin, then danced on the trunk and defied Odin to do something about it. Odin did nothing and Boniface got some conversions out of the deal. Unfortunately, Boniface was martyred sometime in the AD750’s, but he was canonized for his efforts. I don’t think canonization yielded 72 hotties in a celestial c@thouse, however.
“We did this to propagate Islam.”
The all-purpose, one size fits all rationalization for every heinous act, from chopping limbs off trees to chopping heads off infidels, committed by Islamonutbags in the name of their prophet. Yech.
Churches around Maine will be showing a film about climate change this week
I live in Hell.Oh please. Be thankful you’re still in the “showing a film about climate change” stage. Here in California we’re actually doing something about it.
The tallest tree ever reliably recorded was a Douglas fir in Lynn Valley, British Columbia, Canada, which was measured in the late 19th century at 414ft. It is no longer standing.
What happened to it? Don’t even tell me if it was logged. Redwood Nat’l Park—impressive, lovely, magical place. Do stop by if you’re in the ‘hood.
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 10 05 at 12:15 PM • permalink#66: Redwood Nat’l Park—impressive, lovely, magical place. Do stop by if you’re in the ‘hood.
No offense, but I’ve never had much of an urge to visit California, except precisely for the place you mentioned. I’ve only seen pictures of it, but the words you use to describe it - impressive, lovely, magical - capture the place exactly.
Oh, and Death Valley, I’ve always wanted to see that (love deserts, for some reason).
Hey paco, there’s also wild boar hunting along the central CA coastal range…
some of the most beautifully wild mountain hunting, hiking, camping and fishing along the Sierra Nevada’s. You can also follow an established trail from dang near the Mexico border up to the Canadian border, either on foot or on horse and never leave the mountains.
There’s the high desert of the Mojave. Its got some interesting stuff, like…hell, its desert, not that interesting.
And, if you like hyper inflated plastic tits, there’s always LA. That place is usually good for a laugh or few, unless you wander into the wrong neighborhood and get yourself killed, ya silly tourist.
First they came for the Banyan Trees and I did not speak out because I was not a Banyan Tree ... etc
Posted by The Mild Colonial Boy on 2006 10 05 at 07:39 PM • permalink
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“And, once you’ve been smited by Gaia, believe me, you will know you have been smited. You’re aware of ‘disproportionate response’? That crazy Earth God Lady invented it. Good luck finding an off-planet hideout, you future-bitch-of-Gaia.”
At last—a way to finally bring James Wolcott in on the right side of the GWOT!