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POLLING, PRESBYTERIANS, ETC
Last week’s column may tell of events to come, if we keep seeing this type of dire polling. Still, Kevin Rudd remains in the happy position of being able to promise everything to everyone (reduced carbon emissions! AND cheaper petrol!) - a situation that’ll change once we move into actual election mode.
In Presbyterian developments, last Sunday morning Mr Bingley actually lured me to his New Jersey church; possibly the first time I’ve been inside such a place for 30 years or so without anyone getting married or buried. Highlight: Bingley’s excellent singing (three hymns performed in duet). Lowlight: communion wine replaced by some kind of cranberry-flavoured substance. It burns!
Upcoming: midwestern antics. Stay tuned.
UPDATE. One reason not to be too sad at the prospect of a Howard defeat is that lately he’s become creepy greenish:
“Apart from the normal trade and economic issues, we’ll be talking a lot about climate change,” Mr Howard said.
“APEC will be the first meeting which brings together both China and the United States, and they are the principal polluters, they’re the two countries that have the largest volume of greenhouse gas emissions.”
Good luck changing that, pal.
10 Honouring other pre-election pledges, Rudd deploys Australian troops throughout supermarkets and petrol stations where they serve as the planet’s most heavily armed price monitors.
Well OZ, should this happen, you’ll damn well be protected by some of the world’s finest, whilst you shop.
In Presbyterian developments, last Sunday morning Mr Bingley actually lured me to his New Jersey church; possibly the first time I’ve been inside such a place for 30 years or so without anyone getting married or buried. Highlight: Bingley’s excellent singing (three hymns performed in duet). Lowlight: communion wine replaced by some kind of cranberry-flavoured substance. It burns!
Bingley, you devil you. Hiding such talent. And please Sir, do something of the wine…:).
It only took 5 bottles of wine (and a caipirinha) the night before to get him there.
Child’s play, really.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 02:05 PM • permalinkHmm. And it wasn’t supposed to be cranberry flavored. Maybe the jug of Welch’s spent a tad too much time in the sun the day before…
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 02:17 PM • permalinkI had nothing to do with the set-up, El Cid. I can vouch for my whereabouts the entire day.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 02:24 PM • permalinkI would think the caipirinha is far more likely to cause anyone to do something they haven’t done in 30 years (or ever) than the 5 bottles of wine.
Posted by Not My Problem on 2007 08 07 at 02:46 PM • permalinkBingley’s excellent singing (three hymns performed in duet).
Bing and Tim???
Hopefully on YouTube today at latest
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 08 07 at 02:48 PM • permalink#14 Caipirinha is the poor man’s Pisco Sour.
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 08 07 at 02:51 PM • permalinkHmmm.
Church with Bingley?
Damn, did the room suddenly turn cold, or is it just me?
Crosses self just to be safe.
Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2007 08 07 at 03:01 PM • permalinkPicos are tasty (and i spent a week in Lima a few years back drinking nothing but them), but caipirinhas are much tastier, imho.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 03:02 PM • permalinkBingley’s excellent singing
What’s next - Nessun Dorma?
Posted by Bruce Lagasse on 2007 08 07 at 03:43 PM • permalink#18 Der Bingle - did you go to Costa Verde for your PSs??
And cebiche de corvina? Geez, not going back until November .................
I don’t need to be reminded of these things.
Next week - Newfoundland skreech
Week after - Viet fresh springrolls
Next month - Mongolian crap
After that - African ecoliThe joys of travel
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 08 07 at 04:11 PM • permalink#22 At least me an’ Paco are catholics and we have our favourite hymns.
Mine is “Nearer my God to Thee”.
What’s your’s??
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 08 07 at 04:15 PM • permalink#27 - admittedly not a catholic classic
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 08 07 at 04:17 PM • permalink33 - I think hymns is in the topic, as well as travels yonder. Andrea took care of Jack’s tirade, so let’s move on huh? We have better things to do than fester over old sores. (ps jack that is not a go at you, just the argument).
Some humour is called for, on topic of course:
Top ten signs that you are too drunk
10. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.9. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
8. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
7. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
6. You can focus better with one eye closed.
5. You fall off the floor.
5. The whole bar greets you when you come in.
4. You haven’t had a driver’s license in such a long time that you have forgotten what one looks like.
3. Roseanne looks good.
2. You don’t recognize your wife/husband unless seen through bottom of glass.
1. You spent more time on the floor than you do standing up.
Skeeter
Emailed
Australian Liquor Stores Association (ALSA)
Subject: Cachaça Brazilian LiquorGreetings from America,
I’m planning a trip to Australia and am wondering if the above named liquor, is available in Australia for purchase.
If so, is it sold through Australian retail liquor stores?
Thank you in advance.
Most Sincerely,
El Cid
Tennessee, U.S.And received this reply:
Thank you for your e-mail.
I will be out of the office on Wednesday 8th and Thursday 9th August, visiting LSA members in the Griffith and Wagga Wagga areas. I will have limited access to emails during this time.
If the matter is urgent, please contact me on my mobile xxxx xxx xxx (I didn’t know if this young lady wanted her mobile phone transmitted to the world), otherwise I will reply to your email upon my return to the office.
Thank you.
Regards,
Melinda Brenton*
Liquor Stores Association*I am assuming since see is in fact a “public figure”, so to speak and would reply likewise to anyone in OZ, thusly, that she wouldn’t mind if her name were given.
If NOT, will see ALL of you in an OZ court, soon.
You see, extradition would be on your tab. Pay back for housing Hicks, you see…:).
Hmmm ... what’s mine? Well, setting aside Christmas carols, which are in a category of their own, mine are:
Tantum Ergo - a big hit from the 13th century, penned by Tommy “Summa Theologiae” Aquinas. It doesn’t get much better than that.
William Billings’ Easter Anthem, from my favorite 18th-century American composer. Frankly, almost anything by Billings from the Sacred Harp is worth singing.
And For All the Saints, with delightful music by Ralph Vaughn-Williams. OK, it’s an Anglican hymn, but nowadays no Anglican or Episcopalean would dare sing William How’s delightfully martial lyrics, so we Papists inherit it by default.
Posted by Urbs in Horto on 2007 08 07 at 06:36 PM • permalinkKevin07:
‘The name’s Rudd. Kevin Rudd.’
(Everyone at the card table collapses in helpless laughter, particularly the sultry blonde in the low-cut gown. Humiliated, our hero stalks off in search of a minion to boss about.)Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 08 07 at 06:40 PM • permalinkNo attendance for 30 years, and you take communion, Tim?
Now that’s what I call faith!
The burning? Satan trying to discourage you, of course! It tasted good for everyone else..
Take a leaf out of John Ray’s [The fine Aussie blogger] habits. He goes to a Presbyterian church with his wife often, although he’s an avowed atheist!Jack, i’m not sure what the name of the place was with the great cerviche and piscos in Lima. The famous one on the pier sticking out into the pacific has fallen in quality of late my hosts told me, and so we went to a smaller place on the cliff above the other one. Absolutely as tasty as all get out.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 07:07 PM • permalinkSkeeter, luckily where I live in New Jersey there are large brazilian and portuguese populations, so I can get cachaça pretty easily (and thank god i’m home on my mac so i can easily type that “ç” thingy). I have 5 or 6 different brands here at the moment, and I’m toying with the idea of having a cachaça/caipirinha tasting over Labor Day…just in the interest of science, you understand.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 07:13 PM • permalink#39 & 40. Thanks again El Cid. That Boca Boca site is so informative I am going to use it as wallpaper on my desktop.
Where else but here could you learn so much before breakfast. I even now know how to pronounce kie-purr-REEN-yah and will be able to order one in a bar without people laughing at mySpanishPortuguese*.
*And just as well I read your #56 Mr B. Otherwise I would have made a complete fool of myself.here’s a thread on the joys and pronunciation of caipirinha (and it also gives you a peek at my old kitchen. blech).
And here is a more recent one that shows a) the build-a-better-caipirinha-and-i-will-drink-it improvement of cutting off the green lime skin (HUGE improvement in flavor) and b) shows off the new kitchen, redone at great expense for your enjoyment.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 07:42 PM • permalinkActually I have not tried it, El Cid. I don’t think they sell it here.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 07:43 PM • permalinkMr B, I stole the “ç” thingy by copying and pasting it from Wiki, but you can get it on a PC by holding down Alt while you hit 0231 on the numerical keyboard.
So there are some advantages to living in New Jersey after all.
However, I’m too old to migrate and will have to keep looking for a closer source.
I have some friends visiting Commie Cuba soon. Will they be able to get some cachaça there?It’s true! That bit about Alt+0231. Thanks, Skeeter.
Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 08 07 at 07:55 PM • permalinkRe Hymns
Cesar Franck Panis Angelicus
Snide comments from peanut gallery will not be appreciated
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 08 07 at 07:55 PM • permalinkI did a duet of panis angelicus a few years ago during communion, jack. it is a lovely lovely song.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 07:57 PM • permalink#55 the pier place is Rosa Nautica - never was outstanding.
Glad you found something better.
Next time demand Costa Verde (pricy but outstanding).
Next day go into the hills to Granja Azul for world’s best chook
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 08 07 at 07:59 PM • permalinkHow come ‘John is our guy’ is cheaper than ‘Kevin is heaven’? And we won’t even mention issues of truth in advertising.
‘Howard Is No Coward’ - that swings!Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 08 07 at 08:06 PM • permalinkIn Presbyterian developments, last Sunday morning Mr Bingley actually lured me to his New Jersey church…
Mr. Bingley… did anyone in the congregation express concern when the baptismal font started boiling like that?
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 08 07 at 08:10 PM • permalink“midwestern antics”
You coming through on I-70/74, I-80/90, or gonna fly?
Posted by Old Grouch on 2007 08 07 at 08:12 PM • permalinkHmm..hmm,, hurrrmm..
And did those feeeeet,
in Aaaancient times
Waaaalk on England’s pleas-ant landPosted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 08 07 at 08:12 PM • permalink#42 peter m
10. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.
Oh God, I’ve done that…
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 08 07 at 08:13 PM • permalinkno, richard, but there was some concern about these cracks in the foundation we suddenly noticed…
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 08:13 PM • permalinkOn the subject of hymns
My favourite all time line is from To Be A Pilgrim:
Hobgoblin, nor foul fiend,
Can daunt his spirit:It’s also a visual and aural treat to witness 80,000 Welshmen belting out Bread of Heaven.
Question for Mr. Bingley and Tim: You guys behead or firebomb anyone at the Minister’s request after the sermon?
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 08 07 at 08:13 PM • permalinkHow’s about
KeviN07
If you like it, you can use it.
Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 08 07 at 08:16 PM • permalink#42 That’s 11 reasons.
ANother version of one of the #5s:
The floor is deceptively flat.
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 08 07 at 08:17 PM • permalinkWhat we sang, El Cid, was well, before I list them let me preface it by saying that our music director sadly came of age during the 70s. that being said, we have *probably* the finest music program in any presbyterian church in New Jersey. we have a great choir of 60 some odd folks that sings from september to june, and we do a wide range of music but really the emphasis is on classic, solid anthems. In the summer we relax a bit and the director (and i do adore the man. he’s one of these people who can transpose pieces on the fly in his head. makes one sick with jealousy) allows his 70s child to show through, so what we sang on sunday was:
anthem: bridge over troubled water
communion: i love you lord
offertory: here i am lordwhile chosen weeks beforehand the ‘bridge over troubled water’ seemed amazingly relevant after minneapolis.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 08:26 PM • permalinkO/T (unless you believe gerbil worming is a religion)
Al has some brass to be coming out with this.“We live in a world where what used to be called propaganda now has a major role to play in shaping public opinion.”
Guess what hes accusing his scientific consensus of being shaken by “propaganda” funded by the eeeevil oil companies of, wait for it $10,000,000 a year.
Id be taking a wild guess that his live smurf concerts cost considerably more than that alone.Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 08 07 at 08:28 PM • permalinkyou know, infidel, i was hoping to slying indoctrinate tim, but he did notice that the last hymn the congregation sang “standing on the promises” has the line
“...over coming daily with the spirit’s sword…”
in it.
just to get us presbyhadis fired up for the week ahead, you know.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 08:29 PM • permalinkMr. Bingley, it may have seemed irrelevant to you and others, but somewhere there just may have been an angel whispering the lyrics to all of Minneapolis-St. Paul
When youre weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
Im on your side. when times get rough
And friends just cant be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.When you’re down and out,
When you’re on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
Ill take your part.
When darkness comes
And pains is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
I’m sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.Aw, shucks, paco…
I had a bit of fun at another website, but I don’t think it will be quite so welcomed there.Kevin07 - The Pol Who Loved Me.
From Canberra With Love
You Only VoteTwiceOnce.Not forgetting!
The Man With The Golden Wife.Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 08 07 at 08:45 PM • permalinkHas anyone else been following the amalgamation of local governments in Queensland from 156 to 72?
Beattie is very unpopular with these forced/done-deal amalgamations, and John Howard has offered the local governments a plebescite (federal referenda) to bypass Beattie’s threat of personal fines of over $1000 being imposed on mayors who conduct referenda.
Maybe Beattie’s toast next election.
hehe, that’s alright, el cid.
i had to go back and make sure i hadn’t written ‘ir’
(i’m on my third caipirinha tonight, so i was a little concerned)
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 08:49 PM • permalink#93
Caught it on Lateline & RN brekkie.
Bleaty’s been KRuddy’s chief battering ram against the Fed Libs, but whinges when Howard confronts him on his own turf.
Good to see the Fed Libs taking it right up to the lil’ crunt.
Auntie’s worried it’s a major wedge issue that Howard is exploiting for the Fed election.
A Local/Fed system, p*ss off the useless State Govt’s [QLD has no upper house anyway? ... half done already!]well, i bought all these limes figuring that we’d drikn them up on saturday, but we never got past the wine, really. and i figured gaia would be mighty upset if i let the limes go to waste, vitamin c and all.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 09:00 PM • permalinkAntipodalpussy? Oh Lord, are we back on the tentacle porn again?
Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 08 07 at 09:05 PM • permalinkSpeaking of local councils and political corruption, my old home town recently amalgamated with another. In place of elected councilers a board of 3 was appointed.
The following chap was a creature of the ALP that gave us 3 of the most incompetent and corrupt government ever seen in WA.
And suprise suprise hes been parachuted into gravy?
Jeff Carr, “Australian Labor Party, and the Burke, Dowding and Lawrence Governments.”
Thsi would have nothing to do with prime (leasehold)beachfront land having its rates put up by about 500% in one year? The ALP runs on patronage.Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 08 07 at 09:18 PM • permalinkOn the theme of drinking to excess, I should come clean: I’m practically a teetotaler. I know, I know, you will all shun me now, but I should emphasize that I have nothing against drinking; I just don’t ever seem to get around to it.
Quite different from my misspent youth. I once got so drunk that, during the night, I was feeling a little sick and got up to go to the bathroom. Trouble was, I couldn’t find the bedroom door. I even got down on the floor and felt all around the wall looking for it, but I never could find it (not until the next day, anyhow). Fortunately, the exercise made the sick feeling go away, so I just went back to bed. And my friends swear that I once climbed a tree and performed bird calls, but I believe the story to be apocryphal.
Blue’s favorite hymn: “Joyful Joyful We Adore Thee”
Blue’s favorite carol: “O Holy Night”Blue’s current status: I’m a former Baptist in the process of converting to Catholicism. My Confirmation will be at Easter Vigil of ‘08.
Posted by Blue State Sil on 2007 08 07 at 09:21 PM • permalinkAfter searching hi and low for my shcool hymn book I have discovered that it was misplaced some time around the turn of the century however I have been able to find the words to my favorite hymn on the
internet]internet[/url] - praise the lord
It still amazes me that back in the 8th Century people were able to make words with only 1 syllable last for 4 beats and words that have 3 syllables only one.
I find it perplexing and mysterious and think I may need to apply for a grant in order to commission a study into this phenomenon
#106
The ALP runs on patronage.
Patron Power (Margrok’s, don’t click if you can’t take it…)
Who was first?
my favorite hymn/anthem is virgil thomsons’ arrangement of isaac watts’ ‘my shepherd will supply my need’
i’m not ashamed to say i sob every time we sing it.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 09:35 PM • permalinkWell come to think of it Kae I have a feeling that it is due to gloabal warming that we can no longer achieve such feats with our music.
Instead we are stuck with unoriginal rhyming structures like
cause you left me standing in the dark
repairing holes in my broken heart
you left me here to fix myself
im going to put my heart back in the box on the shelfI think im on to something
cause you left me stationery in an upright position in the dark
repairing perforations in my broken heart
you left me here to repair myself
Im going to put my blood pumping muscular organ back in the box on the shelfWhat do you think?
yeah, “o holy night” is my favorite carol as well, and most especially this version.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 09:38 PM • permalinkI loved my old school song, by John Mansfield:
Here in this house, where we are singing thus,
Long generations will come after us
Friends we have never known will come to share
This life of beauty, wondering what we were.
Long after we are gone their minds will take
The human pathways our endeavours make.
We shall not see them but we can endow
This place with beauty for them, here and now,
We can so live that after we are dead
They may find beauty here like daily bread.
We can so live that they may find, each one,
A life here of truth said and kindness done.
The knowledge that this world of mysteries
Wants many thousands true for one that’s wise.
The faith that when the twilight finds us gone,
All we have consecrated will live on
To help the souls of other, unseen, friends
Into a calm where beauty never ends.schools never stop dunning, kae
much like kids.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 09:47 PM • permalinkCheaper petrol does reduce carbon emissions, since it means people can afford petrol and hence don’t have to walk so much.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/science/article2195538.ece
More subtle Oz preference, from the vocalists’ vocalist
While we still can, let’s enjoy Jerusalem
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 08 07 at 10:09 PM • permalinkEl Cid, I’ve just never been a fan of Pavarotti; he always to my ear sounds nasally and sharp.
I much prefer Beniamino Gigli; I’ll upload his version of “Ave Maria” (the bach/gonoud (sp?) version) tomorrow and we can let the Virgin Mary versions duke it out!
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 10:10 PM • permalinkInfidel, like Bogey said (after he said “here’s looking at jew, kid”)”, “we’ll always have Jerusalem”.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 10:20 PM • permalinkEl Cid,
you don’t know how funny and apt that clip is, as I went to UVa! hahahaha!
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 10:28 PM • permalinkThe weird thing I have noticed with churches in Australia is that the ones who play the old hymns with the decent tunes always preach about global warming, multi cultism, anything but religion and the bible, while the churches who preach hellfire, damnation and 36 types of shame, always have the terrible happy clappy, think I’m going to die of saccharine overdose music.
Modern day Christian music is so terrible that I’m almost positive it’s made in Canada at the same place that produced Nickelback, Celine Dion and Michael Buble.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 08 07 at 10:29 PM • permalinkWell, remember too that Pavarotti’s Always Canned Onstage, at least for the last 20-odd years.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 07 at 10:34 PM • permalink#115 paco - Thanks. :) I absolutely love it - I don’t regret the decision to convert for a moment.
#118 Mr. Bingley - Beautiful - thank you so much for the link!
Posted by Blue State Sil on 2007 08 07 at 10:46 PM • permalink#130
The weird thing I have noticed with churches in Australia is that the ones who play the old hymns with the decent tunes always preach about global warming, multi cultism, anything but religion and the bible, while the churches who preach hellfire, damnation and 36 types of shame, always have the terrible happy clappy, think I’m going to die of saccharine overdose music.
I go to a church (not as often as I should, admittedly) which plays the old hymns with beautiful tunes, and thankfully they stopped preaching the non-Bible stuff when they noticed that about 90% of those who attend were not attending because they were being told they were killing the earth, etc.
I am not a religious person by any stretch of the imagination but I do love going to chruch for weddings and things cause I really enjoy the hymns.
There is a gospel church just up the road from where I live and its great going past on a Saturday morning and hearing the music
I have to admit that although I dont really have a religion I do think that it is important to expose your children to faith and allow them to make their own decisions about it
I do think that it is important to expose your children to faith and allow them to make their own decisions about it
Bulldang. My kids will support Richmond and The Wallabies or they will be stoned to death in the public square.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 08 07 at 11:10 PM • permalinkI do think that it is important to expose your children to faith and allow them to make their own decisions about it.
Very much so.
Religion allows us to know that we’re responsible for ourselves, but also gives hope in dark hours with the knowledge that we’re not alone. It also has far more great qualities than I have room to list though.
ahhhhhhh Infidel the religion of sport is completely different infact as I was telling Ash_ yesterday I am doing an assigment on it at the moment. You see its all about the Psychological Continuum Model: a conceptual framework for understanding an individual’s psychological connection to sport (Funk & James 2001)
Mr Bingley,
If Blairy has any particularly nasty habits - even just two or three embarrassing peccadilloes - now would be the time to share at this space. Please.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 08 07 at 11:24 PM • permalinkIts actually good to see that Paco and Cid and the rest of the naughty ones havent decided to have a massive party in Tims absence like they normally do.
Actually come to think of it there were lots of empty glasses on the sink when I came in and I do remember seeing streamers hanging out of the rubish bin out the front. Was I not invited again?#144 - Put it this way Margos, it’s the first time they’ve found it necessary to count the communion plate before and after it was passed to a particular parishioner.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 08 07 at 11:31 PM • permalinkLowlight: communion wine replaced by some kind of cranberry-flavoured substance. It burns!
Holy Ocean Spray, Batman!
Mr. Bingley—Important question: were the cracks bulging up or sinking down…?
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 08 07 at 11:33 PM • permalinkre: 147 - I of course meant collection plate.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 08 07 at 11:35 PM • permalinkSince you enjoyed the last joke:
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” The guy says, “No, what?” “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!” says the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replies the patron. “He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.” He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” “Now what?” asks the patron. “Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper.
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replies the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!”
Crumbs.
On ABC local radio now in Bris, and interview about how fat people are such a problem in society, his name is Dr Roger Byatt. He’s just explained how dead fat people retain heat and therefor putrefy more quickly than dead skinny people.So now obesity is causing a huge* problem in the mortuary industry.
*pun intended.ahhhhhh funny
I just read a good one actually
The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man’s
Penis was larger than the shaft. After 1 year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.After the US published the study, the French decided to do their own study. After $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.
Australians, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks, a cost of around $75.46, and 2 cases of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man’s hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.
#155 Kae
I heard one of the distiguised doctors at uni the other day saying that dead fat people are also contributing to global warming more than dead skinny people. He was saying that in death we give off more CO2 than we do in the same about of time as we are alive.
Dont know how true it is though
#159 El Cid
I tend to agree more with the Australians studies as I dont believe there are many men who are at all interested in what the woman is gettig out of it - nah im only kidding however that does bring me to another question to ponder (however no one pondered my last one)
“how can there really be something called premature ejaculation. I would have thought a man ejaculates when he is ready so if he is ready how is that premature. Isnt it just selfish?”
“at what point in evolution did knee pit hair become unnecessary?”
I admit, it’s taken me a while to respond to this, but that’s because I was trying to think of something clean.
You see, sometime in 2938BC, knee pit hair started to phase out. There is a very valid reason for this. When people were squatting behind trees to do some business, the knee hair would get tangled, and when they stood upright, the knots in the hair would cause it to tear out.
So it just stopped growing.
183 - but don’t apes squat at times too? ie sit around chewing the fat (oops I mean leaves).
re premmie problems - it is premmie from the guys point of view - ie he wanted to last longer and involuntarily couldn’t. If they want to fire away in 30 seconds, that’s not premmie, that’s just being selfish! (or trying to win the competition ...)
tee hee
Actually I was thinking of going to PACOs Products which is a blatant rip off of PACO Industries but they charge less in consignment and managemnet fees so unless PACO can come up with a contract that is significantly better then Im affraid I will have to go to the cheaper yet far more inferior PACOs Products
(except it isn’t really formatted for a t-shirt, sorry, easily distracted. Original pic here)
Posted by Col. Milquetoast on 2007 08 08 at 01:28 AM • permalinkI have been reading this blog and seeing comments that I have wanted to respond to hours after the opportunity was there. However, favourite hymn - Amazing Grace. No two ways about it.
I attend a pentecostal church where the worship is not just happy clappy. Yes it can be, but there are times when the atmosphere is charged with the presence of God.
The choir is small and I no longer have time to practise. But the worship leader is an awesome musician and we have a ball.
Church doesn’t always have to be joyous. I think a good reminder of eternal damnation and hellfire should liven things up every now and again too. And I say that as a lapsed church going agnostic
Cnsidering the bountiful material available it beggars belief that there are still so many preachers able to make one hour sooo boring.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 08 08 at 02:03 AM • permalinkI dont even know what a grudge is
Hey speaking of hymns I really liked this hymn at shcool that sort of went
“the lord is my shephered and he i shall follow wherever he leads me wherever he goes
Over the mountains the citys and highways teh valleys and byways hes waiting for me
I want to go to meet him there to lay myself down in his love
The lord is my shepherd and he i shall follow wherever he leads me wherever he goes”
But I dont know what it was called and i tried googling it but i just keep getting that “the lord is my shepherd I shall not want” stuff
HEEELLLLLLLPPPPP anyone
Liviticus 20:10 is always a good read
or how about Ezekiel 25:17
“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.” then i believe there should be a rain of automatic gun fire which lasts about 20 seconds then silence164. I prefer to describe myself as an olympic class sexual athlete. I always come first!!!!
Nah not really, for years I suffered from the opposite problem of not “finishing up” when I had a root.
Lots of trust issues and crap, and I have no idea how common it is among blokes, but it would be bloody frustrating to bang away for ages for no result at my end. Ladies didnt like it either as it would tend to end up as “whats wrong with me?” at their end.
Luckily I now have a lovely missus and everything goes fine.As for the hair behind the knees? Its gone and migrated to my ears and nose!
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 08 08 at 02:18 AM • permalinkI have no faith but the music gets to me. I wish I could remember what was sung at my grandfather’s funeral. The soloist was probably 80+ and the song creaked out of him. That pathetic-ness in his voice just made the song more effective. I felt like bawling like a baby.
“Old Rugged Cross” and “He Walks With Me” at my grandmother’s funeral last year.Posted by Col. Milquetoast on 2007 08 08 at 03:16 AM • permalinkthe song that always gets me is Lords My shepherd. The version on Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence was quite effective.
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 08 08 at 03:42 AM • permalinkLet’s not pollute this thread too, ladies. Fonzie is only good for one jump on his bike a day. And the jump he’s performed on the thread below was a whopper.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 08 08 at 03:57 AM • permalinkFav Churchy song?
“Soldiers of Christ, Arise!”
The church I grew up in didn’t allow musical instruments so all singing was a capella by the entire congregation.
It was actually beautiful to hear this particular song with the various bass, tenor, etc sections of the congregation repeating certain sections in a round type style.
224. I cant find the version Im looking for but yes thats probably it.
The one I was looking for was on the soundtrack to merry Christmas Mr Lawrence, a movie from the 80’s.When I was a naughty catholic high school boy we used to swap words around like “The lords a leper I dont want” and so on, so my recollection of the right words in unfortunately fairly dim.
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 08 08 at 04:21 AM • permalinkThe simpsons have just about as much current news content as the news does now anyway
I base most of my opinions on what I can make up and tell myself over and over and over often enough to believe it is actually plausible then I tell lots of people and eventually it just is .....
Like did you know that the Sydney Harbour Bridge actually has 3 metric tonnes of gold inside the structure.
Disclaimer:
this theory is built on the basis that most people are too lazy to actually research the statement. Making stuff up and believing it will not work in circles of people with abover average intelligence or curiosityOur family never had much to do with the Presbies, due mainly to their propensity for wild rampages whenever someone mentioned that the ‘wine’ tasted like cranberry.
As a former Catholic altar boy (yes, laugh it up) I can confirm that the wine that our old Irish priest had was definitely the good stuff.
And I am afraid that I cannot confirm nor deny if a couple of altar boys might have knocked off a couple of bottles here and there.
Or got caught and threatened with Excommunication. :)234 - Now that’s what I call a saleable product! Proud to have inspired you, Skeeter.
Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 08 08 at 04:39 AM • permalinkWell, my mum has two photos for blackmail material, one of me dressed in a starched white shirt, trousers and brand new leather shoes (I hated those things, never wore shoes if I didn’t have to), with my hands clasped prayerfully in front of my little face. That was in front of our Catholic church, my first communion. She always said she was surprised that lightning didn’t strike the Tabernacle that day. :)
The second is me as an altar boy, when I was a little older, standing by the altar looking beatific, what she doesn’t know is that rosy glow might well have come from myself and a mate named Karl drinking what might well have been a bottle of wine just before the service.
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That cranberry-flavoured substance is not what’s burning-it’s 1.618’s ire.