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SERIOUS CHILDREN KNOCKING ON DOORS
Outraged by devious Republican fun plans, the Democratic National Committee whips up a summer scowl-a-thon:
As more and more experts continue to confirm the harmful effects of global warming, the College Republican National Committee is urging its membership to mock the threat by throwing beach parties this summer.
How dare they!
The College Republicans actions demonstrate the misplaced priorities and short-sightedness of the future of the Republican Party, according to the Democratic National Committee. As College Democrats continue to fight for issues that young Americans care about like an affordable college education, Republicans continue to push their out of touch agenda.
Beach parties are an “agenda”?
“The College Republicans’ beach parties mocking global warming are just another example of the misplaced priorities and short-sightedness of the Republican Party,” said College Democrats of America President Grant Woodard.
Party on with Grant!
“The College Republicans’ ignorance toward the seriousness of global warming and climate change shows a Party more focused on partying than talking seriously about the issues facing young people across America. While College Republicans party on this summer, College Democrats will be knocking on doors, working to get Democrats elected nationwide.”
Too bad everyone will be at the beach.
UPDATE. Eric at Classical Values: “There’s nothing funny about college kids having beach parties when others are suffering from the warmth and need to go door to door to help return us to a cooler world.”
I don’t get the contact information stuff. Did the Democrats pay Yahoo News to run the story?
Posted by chinesearithmetic on 2006 06 06 at 10:00 AM • permalinkSo, let’s see: humorless clods or beach-partying jokers?
I’ll take the latter, thank you.
Posted by Rob Crawford on 2006 06 06 at 10:21 AM • permalinkWasn’t the world supposed to end on June 6? I told my boss to piss off and now I feel as though that may have been a mistake.
Posted by Bill Spencer on 2006 06 06 at 10:36 AM • permalinkWell, just in case you thought those fun-killing, purse-mouthed Puritans from Massachusetts died out, it looks like their direct descendants are riding the MTA.
Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2006 06 06 at 10:37 AM • permalinkNot so fast there, Mr. Grant Woodtard! Not all college Republicans will be dodging their duty. The Coalition of Republicans for Environmental Responsibility will be using their yachts this summer to rescue drowning polar bears. The enterprise, sponsored by Paco’s Taxidermy Shop, will last through September, thus causing these fine young men and women to sacrifice the entire beach season.
experts continue to confirm the harmful effects of global warming
Faith taken as fact. Check.
The College Republicans’ ignorance toward the seriousness of global warming and climate change shows a Party more focused on partying than talking seriously about the issues facing young people across America.
Disapproval of frivolity. Check.
College Democrats will be knocking on doors, working to get Democrats elected nationwide.
Evangelism. Check.
Yep, them’s Puritans.
Why doesn’t this damn planet understand that the Earth is supposed to stop evolving once humans are most comfortable??
Well Grant, which is it? “global warming” or “global climate change”?
Depends on what “data” is currently hot, or debunked. “Global warming” was on the ropes for a while, but the spurious hockey-stick graph gave it a shot in the arm. It also depends on what angle the latest doomscreamer movie takes - when “The Day After Tomorrow” told us we were going to flash-freeze, “global warming” was a self-evidently stupid thing to say. But Algore’s jeremiad has made it OK again.
Ok, ok, let me see if I understand it. Grant is saying people can be bad by partying like Republicans. Or they can be good by going door to door, rain or shine, snow or hail, and solicit people to vote for a particular political party like Democrats.
Ok, I can see it now, Grant is a Rovebot. But shouldn’t he be more clever at this? Who is the ham fisted neocon who programmed this dude?
Posted by wronwright on 2006 06 06 at 12:16 PM • permalink... demonstrate the ... short-sightedness of the future of the Republican Party
And the incoherent nature of Democrat press releases, I guess.
I look forward to all those wide-eyed young Democrats going door to door - if past performance is any indication, it’s probably going to in a) irate homeowners setting them straight on the issues the kiddies are deluding themselves about, and b) new record-low election results for all such “supported” Democratic Party candidates.
Global warming is a serious matter that absolutely should not be dealt with frivolously.
I propose that the College Republicans hold a global warming conference at Senor Frog’s in Cancun where they can douse t-shirt wearing females with water to symbolize how the globe(s) must be cooled in order for mankind to survive. Mass quantities of tequila should be consumed as a gesture of solidarity with Mother Earth which is forced to consume poisonous greenhouse gasses each and every day. Afterwards the College Republicans can symbollically rid their bodies of the poisonous tequila in the back alley behind the bar just as Gaia must rid herself of the CO2 poisoning her system.
This is not a laughing matter people.
Posted by Randal Robinson on 2006 06 06 at 12:29 PM • permalinkEvery now and again in Midtown I see the Earnest Few standing around with clipboards asking everyone, “Can you spare a moment for Greenpeace?” The replies I’ve used have been curt, but too polite to date. Any suggestions?
Perhaps your response could be: “No, sorry, no time. Too many baby seals to club.”
Perhaps your response could be: “No, sorry, no time. Too many baby seals to club.”
How about: “Baby seals don’t club themselves.”
Posted by Rob Crawford on 2006 06 06 at 12:44 PM • permalinkI used to live in a very Bohemian neighborhood in NYC (Williamsburg, in Brooklyn). One primary election day, there I am leaving the polling place in my suit, carrying my briefcase and some “artist” in “artist uniform”—ugly wool hat, beat up jeans, old sweater, looking like he has not bathed for 3 days asked me “Do you want to hear about the Green Party?”
My response—“Do I look like I F^%$#& want to hear about the Green Party?”
He agreed and decided not to bother me further.
This whole “global warming” thing… it’s so rediculous.
I mean, what could possibly be easier to fix?
Look. Here’s what to do if the world starts hotting up.
1. A manditory “ice tax” that is imposed on anyone that doesnt carry at least 15 lbs of ice from their freezer to the nearest melting glacier, at least once a month. If no glacier is within easy driving distance then just dump it in the nearest pond, lake, river or stream.
2. Make everyone leave their doors and windows open when they run their airconditioners.
3. Public announcements to encourage people to think cool thoughts.
4. Make it illegal for pretty women to wear cloths.There. Problem solved.
The DNC called me the other day.
Lady on the phone: “Hi, can we count on you for a donation to defeat—”
Me: “No! I hate them all! Whoever they are, I hate them!” Click.
I think I’m with the computer nerd in our directorate who has confused tanning lotion with SPF lotion. In any event, I ain’t gonna be available in nice weather to answer the damn door.
So, I take it that, if their candidates of choice win, the College Democrats will will look with disapproval on inauguration parties? How about political fundraising parties? After all, these evil, unholy events take time away from saving Gaia from—um—herself.
Posted by Polish Frizzle on 2006 06 06 at 04:21 PM • permalinkThis is too good to be true. Young Dems wandering the streets spouting a memorized script to annoyed voters while the rest of us are checking babes at the beach? Who’s priorities are screwed up?
Posted by Gary from Jersey on 2006 06 06 at 04:27 PM • permalink#15 A dear friend of ours, when he was working in Brisbane was regularly accosted by Greenpeace, WWF and some koala thing.
They’d ask, “Would be you be interested in (insert cause here)”.
Jai would say, “No”.
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t care.” And he’d just keep walking.
—Nora
I once had the Koala Foundation’s koala costume character skip up to me on the Victoria Bridge in Brisbane and ask for a donation.
I replied, “Can you swim in that costume?”
Koala-thing skipped backwards at a rate of knots.
—Nick
Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2006 06 06 at 04:59 PM • permalink#37 Nick,
It,s traditional to kidnap the koala-suit idiot and release him back into the wild. Fun too.Posted by Daniel San on 2006 06 06 at 07:05 PM • permalinkPaco, I checked with FedEx and they confirm delivery of the harpoon cannon to the marina. Please advise how soon they can be mounted on the larger yachts.
Also confirmed delivery of three cases of Ruger No. 1 harpoon rifles for the smaller speedboats. As we discussed, these will be <strike>fun</strike> a great help in getting the drowning polar bears aboard…
This is going to be a fun summer for James Lileks. He loves it when the serious teenagers show up.
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 06 06 at 08:28 PM • permalinkThe left- competing with Moroms and JHs and door2door salesmen. Man, what a totally dud rage.
Posted by Wylie Wilde on 2006 06 06 at 08:46 PM • permalink#10 Paco— CoRepEnRes, sponsored by Paco’s Taxidermy? Tough for me to make much of an acronym out of at this time of day, but the t-shirts should sell like hotcakes…
Y’know, maybe I’ve been too close to the Beltway for too long this time - I’ve caught BigGovSpeak Bureaucratitis…it must be ‘bout time to go Home…
For the first time in years I actually feel like going to the beach.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 06 06 at 10:06 PM • permalink#41: I’ve got it, Auntie! The Coalition of Republicans for Environmental Responsibility has been re-christened and will be sailing under the flag of Polar Amigos Cruising On Behalf of Environmental Awareness and Rescue. The P.A.C.O. B.E.A.R.s need your support! Donors of $50 will receive a framed, autographed photograph of Wronwright taken at the 1997 Startrek convention. Donors of $100 will not receive a framed, autographed photograph of Wronwright taken at the 1997 Startrek convention. “Admiral’s Club” donors of $1,000 or more will receive, after the polar bear rescue operation, a
polar bear rugdeep pile white area rug. Get on board today, and let’s gaff some bears!paco?
The skinning knives are really, really sharp (Wronwright HAD to check how sharp, the Honourable Mistress Andrea is bandaging his hand most solicitously….)
<AAAIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!>
..., aha, she has tried out her new salty Tabasco and chili oil based disinfectant, I see.Anyhoo, tannery fired up, skinners ready to rock, and Howard the Enceladan wants to know if he can eat the carcasses. He is getting a bit tired of skinned baby seals.
MarkL
Canberra#46 paco,
It’s Star Trek, not Startrek. I believe. Not that I have any reason to know.
Posted by wronwright on 2006 06 07 at 08:37 AM • permalinkSortelli — If it’s after the cruise, have Paco hand-receipt you a harpoon rifle just in case.
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 06 07 at 10:45 AM • permalinkIn OT but happy election news, here in CA the “Universal Preschool Initiative” went down in 60/40 defeat yesterday. It would have established a right to preschool for all California 4-year-olds. And who would have paid for this largesse? Why, those eeeeeebil rich people, of course, with a tax aimed specifically at them to support the program.
Achillea—And Cunningham’s San Diego Congressional seat stayed with the Republicans. The Kossites claimed another moral victory and said it had been stolen.
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 06 07 at 08:31 PM • permalinkKos: “Dean Wormer, we’re hoping these mid-term elections will really boost our grade point average!”
Wormer: “Fat, drunk and socialist is no way to go through life son”.
Posted by Vanguard of the Commentariat on 2006 06 07 at 09:16 PM • permalink60: Yup Achillea, 0 and 20, but they have a low ERA!
Posted by Vanguard of the Commentariat on 2006 06 07 at 09:38 PM • permalink
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If the College Democrats aren’t throwing beach parties as well, then the Democrats don’t deserve to be elected.