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THE FEMALE BRAIN

Received a note from Canberra blogger Alan E. Brain a few weeks ago. Alan—47 years old, married, and a parent—had long imagined he would have preferred life as a woman; he’d even selected a female name (Zoe) at 10, in case of some miraculous transformation.

Earlier this year, the transformation began. Without surgery. And involuntarily. Al was experiencing something known as ideopathic sex reversal:

Basically, my body got radically feminised over 2 weeks (I don’t mean politically either, I’m talking about going from 43-49-46 and a middle-aged spread to 46A-35-46 with associated skin, hair, personality etc changes).

I got more changes in 2 weeks than male-to-female transsexuals my age get after 6 months of massive doses of female hormones. Since then, the changes have steadied down, and are at normal female pubescent rates. In fact it fluctuates on a monthly cycle, 2 micro-puberties per month, one very female, one slightly male, then back again. PMT, menopause, PMT, menopause ... yes, it’s as bad as it sounds.

Al swore me to a years-long embargo, but has lifted it due to the speed of change he’s undergone. You can read more about his altered life here and here; and, if you scroll down the links at left, you’ll notice Alan E. Brain has been replaced by newcomer Zoe. Welcome aboard!

Posted by Tim B. on 07/27/2005 at 10:02 AM
  1. Why was I reminded of this:

    Brain:Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?
    Pinky:Uh, I think so, Brain, but this time you wear the tutu.

    Or this:

    Brain:Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?
    Pinky:Uh, I think so, Brain, but this time you put the trousers on the chimp.

    Posted by ErnieG on 2005 07 27 at 11:37 AM • permalink

  2. Hmmm… do Aussies have August Fool’s Day instead of April Fool? You guys do everything a little different there.

    Now, if he was a Pom, I’d just be thinking, “Well, sure, why not?”

    Posted by Dave S. on 2005 07 27 at 11:44 AM • permalink

  3. Best of luck Zoe! And I do believe you will be an astronaut yet.

    Posted by C.L. on 2005 07 27 at 11:45 AM • permalink

  4. That’s

    her altered life

    now Tim. But I forgive you, this will all take a bit of time getting used to.

    And there’s a bit of a credibility issue, to say the least. That was one reason I posted the pix. Those near me who have witnessed the change are the only people who don’t require “extraordinary proof” for an extraordinary claim. I don’t blame anyone who doesn’t believe it, the shrink I’m seeing was only convinced after seeing some minor changes himself between appointments and getting a 3rd party witness in to confirm my story. I still have to convince the Endo, hopefully he’ll see the “before” pic and realise I didn’t always look like this.

    Oh, and Dave S? Good Call, I was born in the UK.

    The most amazing thing is that this or a similar phenomenon has happened to several other people.

    Posted by Zoe Brain on 2005 07 27 at 11:55 AM • permalink

  5. Mr./Ms. Brain gives me yet another reason to claw my eyes out before lunchtime…yikes.

    Posted by dc981924 on 2005 07 27 at 12:58 PM • permalink

  6. To quote Dr Gergory House, “that’s just weird”.

    Times like this I wish I was a doctor, you must be a medical diamond mine, Zoe. Excellent choice of name by the way, if I’m to ever have a daughter Zoe is one of the names on my shortlist.

    That said it is still hard to believe, but then I’ve always had the belief that the human body is capable of far more then most of us can imagine, in that light spontaneous mutation (as a geek that word is used with much love) isn’t too much of a shock. If you gain the ability to fly with telekinesis or something, then that’d be a shock… and cool.

    And jesus Numbers, have you ever made one post here without being a complete fucking moron?

    Posted by Aging Gamer on 2005 07 27 at 01:57 PM • permalink

  7. Can I get the reduction in “middle age spread” without all the other weird stuff?!

    Posted by Gravelly on 2005 07 27 at 05:16 PM • permalink

  8. Hey Zoe/Alan, as I assume you will be reading the comments here, just curious if you are willing to publicly answer questions (either here or at your own blog) about all this?  I would understand if you don’t want to, but if I can think of quite a few questions to ask.  Mine would be respectful, but as they could also involve trying to determine whether or not you are nuts, I guess some offence could be taken…(You seem to be in good humour about it all, so I assume “nuts” is not too offensive for you yet).

    Posted by stevenbw on 2005 07 27 at 07:55 PM • permalink

  9. Oh geez, I should’ve ducked over to your blog first this morning before I asked my question here.  I assume you prefer questions by email, not in public.

    Posted by stevenbw on 2005 07 27 at 08:00 PM • permalink

  10. stevenbw - yes, I prefer questions via e-mail.

    For two very good practical reasons.

    The first is that there are other people affected by this. In particular one other little person, he’s just turned 4. For various reasons I could never keep something like this secret, but anything I can do to protect my little son from undue prurient publicity, I will do. I don’t want to give search engines the fodder to chew on.

    The second reason - I’m writing a book. The less I publish in the public domain early on, the more the sales. And I’m going to need as much money as I can get, I’m already down $5000 in medical bills, with more to follow, possibly by a factor of 10. I dunno about you, but I just don’t have that kind of money.

    It would be polite (hint hint) for those who ask me questions to make a (strictly voluntary) contribution to my tip jar. I’ll say in the answer how many minutes I spent on answering - and $1 a minute would be a reasonable rate, though even 10c/min would help, and wouldn’t be refused.

    Posted by Zoe Brain on 2005 07 27 at 09:07 PM • permalink

  11. Zoe, should we be worried?  There is now a woman on this planet who actually understands men.

    Posted by cuckoo on 2005 07 27 at 10:52 PM • permalink

  12. A new book awaits….“The Inner Game of Changing Sexes”.

    Posted by unit on 2005 07 28 at 12:50 AM • permalink

  13. Does this change mean that your IQ decreases?(ducks for cover).

    Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2005 07 28 at 01:00 AM • permalink

  14. Deo V:

    My IQ? Nope. But the change means that both the average Male IQ and the average Female IQ have both been lowered.

    Posted by Zoe Brain on 2005 07 28 at 01:13 AM • permalink

  15. Ok. Now I have to go ask the girlfriend what you just meant. brb.

    Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2005 07 28 at 01:58 AM • permalink

  16. Lol, perfect comeback Zoe.
    Deo’s reply proves it.

    Posted by RhikoR on 2005 07 28 at 07:10 AM • permalink

  17. pardon me for being indelicate, but looking at the before & after pics what i see is a man in bad drag

    but a happier man, so i guess if you’re smiling that’s ok

    Posted by KK on 2005 07 28 at 08:42 AM • permalink

  18. KK

    pardon me for being indelicate

    No.

    Posted by Zoe Brain on 2005 07 28 at 10:44 AM • permalink

  19. RhikoR, No, it was Deo who trumped my Ace, says she ruefully.

    I hope KK’s opinion will lead him to contribute to my tip jar to finance FFS (Facial Feminisation Surgery). Because if he thinks I look bad en femme, he should see the grotesquerie when I try to look Boy. It doesn’t work any more, and of yesterday, I’ve stopped trying. I’m transitioning now, living fulltime as female as of yesterday.

    Posted by Zoe Brain on 2005 07 28 at 10:57 AM • permalink

  20. Best of luck Zoe, I’ll be interested to see if your comments become even more perceptive!

    Posted by Art Vandelay on 2005 07 28 at 08:40 PM • permalink

  21. Thanks Art. I’ll need all the Luck I can get.

    Transitioning fulltime without months or years of preparation is known by the technical terms “bloody stupid” and “recipe for disaster”. Doing so only 3 months after a GD crisis must set a new record for folly, by the normal rules.

    Most TS-women my age have had years, even decades of practice dressing in female attire, just to relieve the awful psychological stresses of having the wrong shaped body. When it all gets too much, they’re very skilled in the art of making a masculinised body look good. After a few months of hormone treatment so their shape changes and a Boy look becomes difficult to maintain, they can enter society as women with little comment.

    But a Boy look for me just wasn’t possible any more, too many stares and whispers.

    Also, and more importantly, it itched. I’ve never dressed in drag, there’s a high psychological Ewwww factor for me even thinking about it, and the body shape and skin texture made a male appearance look even less appropriate than a female one. With the psychological changes that went with the physical ones, a middle-aged-woman-in-male-drag look was just unnacceptable, even though the alternative leaves something to be desired. I just have to make the most of it.

    But luck, yes, I’ll need that.

    Posted by Zoe Brain on 2005 07 28 at 09:55 PM • permalink

  22. I second the good wishes. You’re a braver err ‘ex-man’ than me Z/B. All the best.

    Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2005 07 29 at 03:20 AM • permalink

  23. Thanks Deo.

    But “Brave”? Nope.

    Brave is people like these. It’s a long article, but please read it all. It’s the situation that many TS-women are in - not me, Thank God.

    Being Transsexual is never voluntary: but getting the courage to do something about it is, usually. As I’ve found out, there’s millions of opportunities and encouragements to stop the process. It takes a will of Iron, and complete desperation, to complete it.

    Usually.

    But with me, the body’s changing without intervention. I don’t have to have any courage to continue because there’s no turning back. Had I had the choice, I’m not sure I have the, er, testicular fortitude needed. But as it is, it’s easy, just accept Reality and make the most of it.

    And I’m really, really starting to enjoy it, it’s a wonderful adventure. Socially disasterous, financially ruinous, but also utterly hilarious and quite exhilirating, providing you ignore the discouragements because there’s no other option.

    The face *really* needs work, but I’ve genuinely got a better figure than many other women my age. For someone who thought of herself as Male just 3 months ago - and had the body of an ex-Rugby player - that is truly weird, wonderful and rolling-on-the-floor funny. That it’s important to me and a source of some considerable pride is even more peculiar and strange. But fun. Probably a consequence of changes to my neural anatomy, but even looked at objectively, rather nice. And merciful - to someone who was wired for Masculinity, this would be a nightmare. Thank God I’m not any more, and almost certainly never was in the first place. The very first symptom, before any of the physical changes became apparent, was an overwhelming desire to ditch the whole Male schtick.

    And you know what? I’m still 16 Kg over my optimum weight, though 5 Kg lighter than when the pix were taken only 2 weeks ago. Once I get the face re-modelled, and some hormones to complete the fat re-distribution ( On the chest, OK?) I might not look too bad. Like some of the other women here.

    When this all started, I was tortured by nightmares that I’d look not pretty, but pretty awful. Now I have no illusions about the flaws in my current appearance. But compared to the “worst case” I’d imagined, but had to be prepared to live with anyway, I’m already ahead of the game, and can lean back and enjoy the ride.

    Posted by Zoe Brain on 2005 07 29 at 01:34 PM • permalink

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