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THING IS, RAFF IS RIGHT

Alan R.M. Jones emails: “The next time you find yourself on public transport, sitting next to someone who cannot resist chattering to you endlessly, I urge you to quietly pull your laptop out of your rucksack, carefully open the screen (ensuring the irritating person next to you can see it), and hit this link.”

Such opportunities make me wish I wasn’t allergic to public transport. Also from the e-bag ... “Hey, TB,” writes regular contributor Raff. “You KNOW you want this.”

Posted by Tim B. on 01/11/2007 at 09:30 AM
  1. You KNOW you want this.”

    Wouldn’t it be funny, if the dude selling it started receiving hundreds of enquiries via eBay, asking detailed, specific questions about his wares!

    Posted by Dan Lewis on 2007 01 11 at 09:37 AM • permalink

  2. Cat meat thick sheik is at it again.
    Hell be issuing a fatwa against interperters next!

    http://tinyurl.com/y6xxcy

    Apologies if ita allready been mentioned

    Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 01 11 at 09:39 AM • permalink

  3. Isn’t Ferntree Gully where Warney’s from?

    Is that the joke?  He’s a grass-cutter?

    I’m lost.

    Posted by murph on 2007 01 11 at 09:42 AM • permalink

  4. The blog from which comes the link to the animation, offers another practical use for it:

    Display this animation full-screen when they ask you to open your laptop during a security check on the subway.

    Almost as much fun as Harry’s idea.

    I have a really good feeling about this thread.

    Posted by Dan Lewis on 2007 01 11 at 09:45 AM • permalink

  5. Huge crowd of 20,000, 2,000, er.. 20 turn out for Mohammed Dawood vigil.

    A Devon Tea and Chardonnay fundraiser was held in the local workers institute afterwards.

    Posted by Whale Spinor on 2007 01 11 at 09:48 AM • permalink

  6. Countdown to virgin time! What an excellent idea; ought to wind up with the equivalent of your own private coach.

    With respect to the second link, the photo looks like a shot of the Valley of Lost Lawnmower Accoutrements. Why would you want one of these, Tim? Surely there are any number of people here who would mow your lawn for you, for free, just for the honor of the thing. Look at MarkL over there, or Infidel Tiger; just waiting for a chance to police the parade ground.

    Posted by paco on 2007 01 11 at 09:57 AM • permalink

  7. Help - I couldn’t open the first link (got the lawn mower bit)

    What is it?

    Please explain

    Posted by aussiemagpie on 2007 01 11 at 10:08 AM • permalink

  8. That link with that advice will lead to the funniest 5 minutes of your life followed by the most pain-in-neck, body-cavity-search 40 hours. But that 5 minutes will make it worth it.

    Posted by Veeshir on 2007 01 11 at 11:16 AM • permalink

  9. I clicked on the countdown link and let it run down to see what would happen.  It hit 0:00:00, and there was a huge explosion on the TV in the next room.  I laughed out loud.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 01 11 at 12:15 PM • permalink

  10. I would do it if the public buses here had wifi and I wasn’t afraid I’d get my laptop peed on by a crackhead.

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 01 11 at 12:22 PM • permalink

  11. Hahaha, that countdown is great!

    Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 01 11 at 12:28 PM • permalink

  12. Though, truth be told, if I saw that on a laptop next to me I would kill the person.

    I’m not kidding.

    Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 01 11 at 12:35 PM • permalink

  13. the most pain-in-neck, body-cavity-search

    Now that’s a thorough search.

    Posted by Rob Crawford on 2007 01 11 at 12:57 PM • permalink

  14. #13 Rob Crawford: Jeez, mate! Now I’ve got the giggles. You know, the ones where you think you’re over them, then they start all over again. And again, and again, and again.

    Posted by SandiM on 2007 01 11 at 01:52 PM • permalink

  15. What does the text on the countdown thingy say?

    Posted by ErnieG on 2007 01 11 at 04:32 PM • permalink

  16. Hilarious!

    Posted by rightwingprof on 2007 01 11 at 04:34 PM • permalink

  17. #15: What does the text on the countdown thingy say?

    This looks like a job for .... MentalFloss!

    Posted by paco on 2007 01 11 at 04:42 PM • permalink

  18. #3 Murph, it’s an idea for the pilot episode of a new lifestyle program, Bogan’s Backyard.

    Posted by anthony_r on 2007 01 11 at 05:52 PM • permalink

  19. #17 Coffee’s just brewed, give me a minute…

    Posted by MentalFloss on 2007 01 11 at 06:11 PM • permalink

  20. The text on the countdown thingy says:

    “Seconds remaining to premature ejaculation”

    Posted by closeapproximation on 2007 01 11 at 06:14 PM • permalink

  21. Well, paco, that didn’t take too long.

    I’m going to go on record and say that not only is it gibberish (my software will not even correctly join these Arabic consonants and vowels), its poorly constructed gibberish. The letters themselves aren’t even written correctly—diacritical marks are all wrong. You simply can’t make some of the letters without an image editor like photoshop.

    There is no way anyone could have typed it and have it come out that way; my software tried (and failed) to connect the letters and tried its little heart out to change them to their proper forms.

    What a shame. What a missed opportunity for a dig. Should have said “Your Al-Qaeda employee benefits terminate in…” or something.

    Posted by MentalFloss on 2007 01 11 at 06:36 PM • permalink

  22. #6 - Last time we offered to do his lawn, Paco, he made us cut it with nail scissors. If that wasn’t bad enough, Drill Sergeant Emery yelled very mean things at us about our mothers.

    Tim prefers to do the lawn by slash n’ burn. It’s excessive, but it’s the only way to get your carbon footprint Yeti like.

    Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 01 11 at 07:37 PM • permalink

  23. #3,#18. Ferntree Gully is just up the road from Bogan Central here, and I need a new catcher for my lawn mower hahaha!

    That catcher won’t fit mine, though, so I guess I’ll pass.

    Mind you, if anyone wants to shoot an ep of Bogan’s Backyard, by all means give me a hoy. Plenty of bogans around here.

    Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2007 01 11 at 09:11 PM • permalink

  24. #12

    Though, truth be told, if I saw that on a laptop next to me I would kill the person.

    I feel precisely the same way about mobile phones aboard public transport.

    Posted by Dan Lewis on 2007 01 11 at 09:47 PM • permalink

  25. Are you anywhere near my childhood home in East Burwood, Nilknarf?

    Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 01 11 at 09:49 PM • permalink

  26. #23, Nilknarf, if it doesn’t fit, I reckon he’d have another one strewn about that’d suit.  Or he could get one in a day or so…

    Posted by anthony_r on 2007 01 11 at 10:22 PM • permalink

  27. So now you’re hangin’ with the Raff riff?

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 01 12 at 12:56 AM • permalink

  28. #25 I’m in the Dandy area. The Heart of Bogan Central, I call it, Swinish. I did live in Chaddy for a while.

    And a lot of other bogan paradises.

    #26 Good point, rebase lol.

    Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2007 01 12 at 03:31 AM • permalink

  29. Do catchers breed? Looked like a little colony of them, with the proud alpha male sunning himself on the rock.

    Posted by boxofmatches on 2007 01 12 at 10:02 AM • permalink

  30. #21: Well done, Mental Floss. You’re right; the author of this joke missed an opportunity for an even bigger gag.

    #22: Yeah, Tim’s pretty fussy about that yard. I think he insists on nail scissors because the last time MarkL cut his grass using the Paco III Turbo Swath-Cutter, he was distracted by a lovely young thing walking down the sidewalk and collided with the birdbath, seriously injuring a rare rufous bristlebird.

    Posted by paco on 2007 01 12 at 10:33 AM • permalink

  31. How hard would it be to write an insidious bit of code that would replace all of someone’s MS Exploder bookmark urls with the countdown one?

    Purely an academic question.  Honest.

    Posted by Achillea on 2007 01 12 at 02:04 PM • permalink

  32. #15: What does the text on the countdown thingy say? - paco

    #21:  I’m going to go on record and say that not only is it gibberish ... - MentalFloss

    Oh gee whiz.  Can’t you tell.  It’s Elvish.  It reads “one ring to bind them all”.  I see it all the time when Karl gestures and waves his hands around.

    Posted by wronwright on 2007 01 12 at 04:05 PM • permalink

  33. #32 Wronwright: actually, #15 was ErnieG. One effect of using Pmcode is that the different colors can blur or otherwise skew your vision. You want to be careful about that.

    Posted by paco on 2007 01 12 at 04:51 PM • permalink

  34. Achillea, academically speaking of course, it would be disgustingly simple—such is the weakness of MSIE.

    The only hard part would be the delivery of the payload. For the most part, only complete e-diots would be vulnerable.

    Wait a minute…I see what you mean.

    Posted by MentalFloss on 2007 01 12 at 08:39 PM • permalink

  35. Feh.

    Come to Oakleigh South—Hughesdale Primary, for example—and I’ll show you 5 year-old bogans hustling lunches and using standover tactics on the preppies.

    Posted by MentalFloss on 2007 01 12 at 08:58 PM • permalink

  36. $20 for the catcher?
    tell him he’s dreamin’.

    Posted by Squiffy on 2007 01 13 at 01:05 AM • permalink

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