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THREE-STEP PLAN
Step one. Compare the work of satirists Jim Schembri and Iowahawk.
Step two. Ask yourself: “Of these two, who deserves my money?”
Step three.
It’s not really a fair contest is it. After all poor old Chris is working under the constraints of a traditional MSM high calibre newspaper where you can’t say,“syphillitic commie scumnozzle”, mind you “That’s right Ann, you anorexic Nazi whore” would probably be perfectly acceptable.
Posted by alien kiwi on 2007 03 09 at 08:31 PM • permalinkAs no one else is likely to write anything nice about Schembri on this thread, I’ll just say that at least with him your keyboard’s always safe.
Iowahawk, however, needs to print some kind of spillage disclaimer. One day he’ll be sued.
And just to be annoying…Tim, you have the links the wrong way around.
I remember Schembri as a reasonably intelligent film reviewer for Melbourne’s Decrepit Daily, but that was twenty years ago. And I’m 46 as of Jan 4 last, so maybe old age is playing tricks on my memory too.
Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 03 09 at 08:45 PM • permalinkTim, I felt the third link was a bit of a cheap trick, but as I like Iowahawk anyway, I gave him $2, although probably he/she (dunno who they are) only got $1.
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 03 09 at 08:46 PM • permalinkThere’s another positive note, Dminor!
Schembri is not likely to cause you to guffaw loudly and disturb your fellow cubicle dwellers.
Courtesy goes a long way, y’know!
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 03 09 at 08:48 PM • permalinkPS: I sent Iowahawk $10…..I hope that we see a suitable post concerning Schembri and Osama, possibly describing a menage a trois with Helen Thomas.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 03 09 at 08:50 PM • permalink#11 - Well, thanks for that! Boy, with those sort of mental images to be picked up for nothing here, I’ll never need a dietician.
Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 03 09 at 08:54 PM • permalinkI’ll donate, but only if Iowahawk uses the money prudently, like expanding his carbon footprint by installing that tank engine in his daily driver.
Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2007 03 09 at 10:03 PM • permalinkAnybody who uses the phrase “hitting the big 5-0” unironically does not deserve money, or breath.
Posted by Jim Treacher on 2007 03 09 at 11:17 PM • permalinkWimpy
S/he goes by the nom de nom of “David Burge” FWIW.Cheers
Posted by J.M. Heinrichs on 2007 03 10 at 01:31 AM • permalinkSpeaking of unreadable tripe in the Sydney Morning Herald, I also commend to you this weekend’s Alan Ramsey column.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 03 10 at 01:39 AM • permalink#3: You’re sure right about what is considered acceptable in the MSM, alien kiwi. Just this week there was this bit of ad hominem leftist snark directed at Ann Coulter by Michael Gawenda in the SMH:
ANN COULTER … does not have angel eyes.
In fact the best-selling author’s eyes are narrow and hawkish.
It was part of a sordid rhetorical device Gawenda used in his opening paragraphs to set the tone of ridicule that followed in his feature article on the Conservative Political Action Conference held in Washington.
“I hope that we see a suitable post concerning Schembri and Osama, possibly describing a menage a trois with Helen Thomas.”
Jesus, I damn near puked reading that one.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 03 10 at 04:41 AM • permalinkI used to edit a student newspaper, and I’d get quite a few lame satires like Schembri’s, which wouldn’t make the cut. Quality standards at The Age are not so high, apparently.
Posted by Blithering Bunny on 2007 03 10 at 04:55 AM • permalinkthe only amusing thing about the Schembri piece is that it’s under entertainment- the Age really is just a rest home for leftard scribblers too crappy even for the ABC.
Traceeeeee’s piece drawing parallels between Mohammed Dawood and ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ is much funnier- even if that wasn’t the intention.
“Hicks… transition from ratbag to cause celebre to pin-up boy for national disquiet is almost complete.”
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2007 03 10 at 07:02 AM • permalinkThe time-tested Hardin method of reading web parody : read the first and last lines, and you’ve got it all. It’s particularly effective on the Borowitz Report, but seems to work everywhere.
It doesn’t work with the newspaper guy. He seems to avoid it by not letting you know what the hell he’s on about for a while.
I prefer, for insults, the automatic thesaurus-based insult generator
$ insult 20
You monstrous clothes hamper of infective Jersey offscourings
You dismal compact of rickety narwhal turd
You contemptible pannikin of venerate mackerel detritus
You heartbreaking paten of contagious wild ox sialorrhea
You sickening coffin of miasmatic toadfish smut
You cacophonous butt of venenous Russell’s viper scourings
You burdensome tassie [Brit] of toxical rat terrier effluent
You unsavory canister of pestiferous sucker evacuation
You disfigured boot of tumorigenic serval elimination
You tyrannous chest of virulent shoebill expectoration
You moving trencher of indigestible quetzal precipitations
You miasmal housewife of grubby borzoi scum
You sad pod of adulterous dingo residue
You distasteful crane of unhygenic toy terrier rags
You awful saucer of poisonous mugger ejectment
You fetid palette of chlorotic siskin BO
You displeasing sideboard of neuralgic osprey extrusion
You grinding blackjack of phthisic goose dung
You irking urn of veneniferous gunnel sputum
You consuming calyx of scabietic mew ruinsIf you can compile C, there’s a classic (ascii) unix archive for the program here
The algorithm being at bottom You (repulsive) (container) of (infested) (animal) (waste). You could do it manually with a thesaurus and dice. No need for originality!
I’d really suggest, if you can implement text-to-speech, using it instead of music on hold
And that’s not just any gun. That’s a .50-caliber Desert Eagle.
Posted by rightwingprof on 2007 03 10 at 10:45 AM • permalinkTime to say “sorry” and put on my finest head- tilt of compassion (dunno how to be honest) for allowing the rather foul Schembri chap (or his ancestors) to escape from my country and subject you all to his drivel…With a surname like that he HAS to have Maltese roots - Gawd, I hope my local media doesn’t get wind of him, those loony lefties would have a collective orgasm!
Of well, we can’t all turn out right…
The choice is quite clear. Incidentally, Scott Ott’s Scrappleface is quite entertaining as well.
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Schembri deserves to have something tipped on him. Preferably something stinky.