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WAR IS DEADLY FOR SMURFS AND OTHER ANIMATED BEINGS
UNICEF, the United Nations Children’s Fund, is now producing child-warping Smurf snuff movies:
The people of Belgium are reeling at the first adults-only episode of The Smurfs, in which the blue-skinned cartoon characters’ village is annihilated by warplanes ...
Belgian TV viewers had a preview of the 25-second film last week, when it was shown on the main evening news. Reactions ranged from approval to shock and, in the case of small children who saw it by accident, wailing terror.
The short film pulls no punches. It opens with the Smurfs dancing hand-in-hand around a campfire and singing the Smurf song. Bluebirds flutter by and rabbits gambol about their village until, without warning, bombs rain from the sky.
Smurfs scatter and run before being felled by blast waves and explosions. The final scene shows a scorched Baby Smurf sobbing inconsolably.
The final frame bears the message: “Don’t let war affect the lives of children.”
At least it’s subtle.
cant wait for the follow up where papa smurf hacks the head off one of the other smurfs while crying out alahakbar and blowing his load doing it.
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2005 10 09 at 04:13 AM • permalinkIt’s OK kids, the Smurfs get seriously even. And I hear Smurfette’s post traumatic therapy is working wonders.
Most of the “people” viciously butchering innocent people in wars around the world aren’t using jet fighters and bombers. They’re driving suicide car bombs, wearing exploding vests, and hacking off heads. You know: terrorists. The jet fighters and bombers are used against the terrorists.
Since the
propaganda filmcommercial doesn’t show a mosque reeling from a car bomb attack, UNICEF loudly proclaims just where it stands in the world. And it’s not for the children.Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 10 09 at 05:34 AM • permalinkWhat? Jokey Smurf’s air defense “presents” didn’t stop the warplanes?
Posted by Patrick Chester on 2005 10 09 at 05:47 AM • permalinkI think the phrase we’re looking to describe this with is “intellectual terrorism”.
Posted by Aaron - Freewill on 2005 10 09 at 05:59 AM • permalinkSmurfs scatter and run before being felled by blast waves and explosions. The final scene shows a scorched Baby Smurf sobbing inconsolably.
Sounds almost exactly like Darfur. I guess we’d better wage a war to stop it. Oh, wait, we’re not allowed. Crap.
Posted by Aaron - Freewill on 2005 10 09 at 06:01 AM • permalinkMan, I want to see this so bad. Is it available online? I really want to know who the enemies of the Smurfs are. I can only assume that it’s some sick death cult that hates the happy, tolerant, freedom-loving lifestyle of the Smurfs.
UNICEF Belgium spokesman Philippe Henon said his agency had set out to shock, after concluding that traditional images of suffering in Third World war zones had lost their power to move television viewers.
Yeah, cos seeing annoying little blue cartoon characters from a distant childhood being blasted to pieces has SO much emotional impact.
Belgium prides itself on being the home of some of the world’s most famous cartoon characters
Belgium must be pretty short on things to be proud of.
Posted by Drunk Fade on 2005 10 09 at 06:36 AM • permalinkIt is intended as the keystone of a fund-raising drive by UNICEF’s Belgian arm to raise $A163,000 for the rehabilitation of former child soldiers in Burundi.
$163K???? A piddling $163K? For goodness sakes, you can raise that kind of dosh in 30 minutes flat in the average upmarket Aussie fundraiser (or by the UN not burning cash for 0.0006 of a second).
What a load of bollocks! Either they’re a tight fisted pack of wallies in EU or the UN is bullshitting and just wants to grab some headlines.
—Nick
Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2005 10 09 at 06:47 AM • permalinkOh no… if they make a commercial showing Barney the Dinosaur getting slaughtered by artillery fire, the damage could be incredible!
(Think of the millions of people dying of laughter… the horror!)Posted by Patrick Chester on 2005 10 09 at 06:48 AM • permalinkThe fact there was only one female Smurf always seemed to me to be vaguely sinister.
Posted by Susan Norton on 2005 10 09 at 07:34 AM • permalinkNot to mention the fact they are ruled by an old guy named “Papa”.
Posted by Quentin George on 2005 10 09 at 07:36 AM • permalinkthe UN is bullshitting and just wants to grab some headlines.
It’s that one.
Whatever you do, folks, do not give to UNICEF for the earthquake. Give to anybody else: We don’t need to subsidize this idiocy. Aren’t there rules preventing UN organs from brainwashing the populace of member states?
The fact there was only one female Smurf always seemed to me to be vaguely sinister.
For the record, any of you who were aroused by that comment should seek immediate psychological therapy.
Posted by Aaron - Freewill on 2005 10 09 at 07:38 AM • permalinkI’m with dorkafork. We must ask the question now, why do they smurf us? What perversion of their core smurfies has led to this smurfing? Is there anything we can smurf that will smurf to them that we are not their enemies?
We have had enough of this smurfy hatred. I feel, rather, it is a time for understanding and smurfiness. If we can truly be atonesmurfed with these smurvies, then our goal will be smurfed.
I smurf you.
#16 - Nick - such a precise amount, they must have the budget worked out right down to the very last cotton bud. Maybe their are only a few former child soldiers left, whatever the case, they aren’t intending to do much to help them.
I’m a bit slow about the film content, the whole smurf thing, and the “Don’t let war affect the lives of children” message. I’m not connecting the dots at all on this. Major congnitive disjunction.
The intended audience? Donors? Smurf fans?
From Wikipedia -
Smurfette, a female Smurf with more delicate features than the male Smurfs, was chemically created by the sorcerer Gargamel as obnoxious and with stiff, black hair. She was transformed through a spell cast by Papa Smurf, wearing a white dress, white high heels and having long wavy blonde hair.Guess thats make Papa Smurf a golram racist for not embracing the Smurfette’s true nature.
Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2005 10 09 at 08:53 AM • permalinkOnly one female Smurf? The UN peacekeepers are going to have to take turns.
Posted by Paul Zrimsek on 2005 10 09 at 09:07 AM • permalinkEver notice that with all the civil wars, rebellions, insurgencies, and other forms of mayhem in the world today, the UN, UNICEF, etc., say virtually nothing. It is only when they can blame the United States and its Anglo allies, the countries doing the most to bring a stop to this shit, that they pull out all the stops.
The UN might as well file for moral bankrupty.
Posted by wronwright on 2005 10 09 at 10:19 AM • permalinkobnoxious and with stiff, black hair. She was transformed through a spell cast by Papa Smurf, wearing a white dress, white high heels and having long wavy blonde hair.
Man, I wish I could do that with *my* blind dates.
Ever notice that with all the civil wars, rebellions, insurgencies, and other forms of mayhem in the world today, the UN, UNICEF, etc., say virtually nothing.
You’d think they’d play this tape for Sudanese Arabs or perhaps the Israelis and Palestinians. You know, “think of the children, stop fighting”.
What the hell did the Belgians do to anybody?
Posted by Aaron - Freewill on 2005 10 09 at 10:35 AM • permalinkRUSSELL BRADDON (Michael Palin): ...Well now, the result of last week’s competition when we asked you to find a derogatory term for the Belgians. Well, the response was enormous and we took quite a long time sorting out the winners. There were some very clever entries. Mrs. Hatred of Leicester said, “let’s not call them anything, let’s iust ignore them,”(applause starts vigorously, but he holds his hands up for silence) and a Mr. St. John of Hurtfingdou said he couldn’t think of anything more derogatory than “Belgians.” (cheers and appluse; a girl in showgirl costume comes on and holds up placards through next bit) But in the end we settled on three choices: number 3—“the Sprouts” (placard, “the Sprouts”), sent in by Mrs. Vicious of Hastings. Very nice. Number 2—“the Phlegms” (placard), from Mrs. Childmolester of Worthing. But the winner was undoubtedly from Mrs. No-Supper-For-You from Norwood in Lancashire—“Miserable Fat Belgian Bastards.” (placard; roar of applause) Very good. Thank you, Carol. (Carol exits)
The only way to kill a Smurf is by BLU-82.
Posted by Some0Seppo on 2005 10 09 at 11:39 AM • permalinkHey jic, like Jimmy Carter?
:^P
Looks like the smurfs have been rather industrious. That’s 2,765 attacks since September 11, 2001, resulting in 17,586 killed, and 37,916 injured.
Don’t let
warIslam affect the lives of children.”Bite me, UNICEF.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2005 10 09 at 01:16 PM • permalinkHmmm… Belgium still hasn’t come to terms with its rape of (and genocide in) the Congo. Leopold II is still referred to affectionately in Belgium as the “King-Builder” notwithstanding the 10 million or so Africans that died for the cause of his “building”.
Imagine if Belgium actually had any power today. Scary thought…
Posted by lewisinnyc on 2005 10 09 at 04:17 PM • permalinkYou just know they’re so morally superior to us, that they simply MUST have the right to go right past us to our children.
If that shows up on American televisions, expect colorful consequences.
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 10 09 at 04:22 PM • permalinkDon’t forget that Cindy’s definition of misuse includes relief of hurricane victims and liberation of people from murderous tyranny. What a moral exemplar.
As for UNICEF’s agitprop, wronwright (#35) has it right. The UN is morally bankrupt. The sooner it is monetarily bankrupt too, so that the UN can no longer commit acts of sinister stupidity like this one, the better.
As for Belgian pride, this is a country that equipped its soldiers with toy rifles so they would look nice on parade, but not be able to fight. The most famous landmark in Belgium is a fountain with a statue of a little boy pissing.
Posted by Michael Lonie on 2005 10 09 at 04:30 PM • permalinkAre there Kurdish smurfs being gassed by Saddam? or self detonating Palastinian Smurfs?
Posted by Torontosteve on 2005 10 09 at 05:02 PM • permalinkMaking a smurf snuff film is totally bad-ass. Frankly, it gives me strange new respect for the UN.
Posted by Ernst Blofeld on 2005 10 09 at 05:50 PM • permalinkAll jokes aside, you have to wonder about a supposedly mature, sophisticated European culture (which would presumably not hesitate to deride Americans as cola-slurping barbarians), which feels the only way it can reach its adult audience (remember: this Smurf-toon is not meant to be viewed by kiddies) is through an inane cartoon. Now, if it had been a UN Road Runner, and a jihadist Coyote, that’s another matter.
Blue goop? LOL!
That’s ink! Judge Doom put them through the Dip, that bastard!
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2005 10 09 at 10:50 PM • permalinklast weekend Andrew Bolt made some comments on the appeasement conceit of many intellectuals.
He compared them to Dr Carrington from the 1951 sci fi b movie the thing from outer space who insisted on trying to negotiate with the thing and appeal to its intellect. It promptly killed him of course.The best bit was the virtual introduction of a new defintion for such appeasers:
“Carrington class”
It’s gold, pure gold!
Ckhart: the Pope looks more hobbitish than Smurfish, but I have carefully avoided watching the Smurf things so my brain doesn’t think in those channels.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2005 10 10 at 12:26 AM • permalinkSortelli - Yes, Obelix would be the greatest satan in the eyes of the jihadi! Think of all the boars he eats.
Posted by James Waterton on 2005 10 10 at 12:56 AM • permalink#70 A more valid comparison is with Neville Chamberlain and the Appeasement movement of the 1930s. Imagine, George Bush stepping out of his plane from Kabul, homburg in one hand, in the other he waves a tattered scrap of paper: ” I have here an ageement which has just been signed by Herr Bin Laden. I’m glad to say we can do business together. Peace in our time!”
Yes, history can repeat itself, but it isn’t a re-run of the Vietnam War we are seeing now, but rather the 1930s loss of will by the elites to stand up against murderous tyranny.
Perhaps the Smurfs could have used the Pope. He was an anti-aircraft gunner in 1945.
Posted by Susan Norton on 2005 10 10 at 01:12 AM • permalinkMr. Magoo, Reichmarshall Herman Goering said that, not Dr. Goebbels.
Other than that, spot on!
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 10 10 at 02:36 AM • permalinkAndrea wrote:
Ckhart: the Pope looks more hobbitish than Smurfish, but I have carefully avoided watching the Smurf things so my brain doesn’t think in those channels.
Unfortunately, my younger sister loved the Smurfs when we were kids, so I was unable to avoid it. It really smurfed up my mind.
Posted by Patrick Chester on 2005 10 10 at 03:23 AM • permalinkit isn’t a re-run of the Vietnam War we are seeing now, but rather the 1930s loss of will by the elites to stand up against murderous tyranny.
Sorry, I don’t see the difference.
Posted by Susan Norton on 2005 10 10 at 05:09 AM • permalink
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LOL
How about one where Smurfs are oppressed, raped and slaughtered by Gargamel and Azrael and dumped in mass graves simply because nearby smurfs don’t want “war to affect the lives of children.”
Naaahh…