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WHO’S (DROWNING) ON FIRST?
It’s a baseball apocalypse at Global Warming Illustrated:
(Via CP)
Next week’s cover of “People” will show Paris Hilton in rubbers.
Posted by Some0Seppo on 2007 03 08 at 12:14 PM • permalinkHmmm.
Good luck with that underwater pole vaulting event.
Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2007 03 08 at 12:18 PM • permalinkWater baseball? How will they slide home?
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 03 08 at 12:21 PM • permalinkGood to see that noted climatologist, Alexander Wolff, finally speaking out.
OK, maybe his qualifications don’t extend beyond getting the Weather channel on his cable system.
Posted by lumberjack on 2007 03 08 at 12:23 PM • permalinkMaybe he was crying because of his contract.When one thinks of the hundreds of millions of dollars spent on profrssional sports facilities, and the tens of millions spent on individual salaries, the notion that one of these pampered jerks is in any danger of drowning fills me with glee.
I’m sure that this article will be as well written and reasoned as their lynching of the entire Duke lacross team last year.
This is exactly why I was a competitive swimmer, at least I’ll be safe!!!!
Posted by Old Tanker on 2007 03 08 at 12:27 PM • permalinkFuture historians are really going to get a kick out of this era. (In their domed undersea kingdoms, of course.)
Posted by Jim Treacher on 2007 03 08 at 12:31 PM • permalinkAlso, when I was in Little League I tended to end up with wet pants too, but only when somebody hit the ball to me in left field.
Posted by Jim Treacher on 2007 03 08 at 12:36 PM • permalinkSI has also announced they will no longer cover water polo. They were concerned about the horses drowning.
Posted by Rob Crawford on 2007 03 08 at 12:36 PM • permalinkMaybe this is it for all this Global Warmening crap, come to think of it. Wolf himself wrote about the well-known S.I. cover jinx a few years back.
Whenever I see a body of water and a baseball player the only thing I think of is the Cuban ball-players that risk life and limb to escape their homeland to come to America.
Posted by David Crawford on 2007 03 08 at 02:06 PM • permalinkA more effective cover would’ve been a fully-uniformed Sidney Crosby standing forlornly in a hockey arena with all that water up to his knees.
Posted by Crispytoast on 2007 03 08 at 02:08 PM • permalinkOT, but NOAA says Feb. was 34th coolest in 113 years:
The average temperature in February 2007 was 32.9 F. This was -1.8 F cooler than the 1901-2000 (20th century) average, the 34th coolest February in 113 years. The temperature trend for the period of record (1895 to present) is 0.3 degrees Fahrenheit per decade.
1.56 inches of precipitation fell in February. This was -0.46 inches less than the 1901-2000 average, the 16th driest such month on record. The precipitation trend for the period of record (1895 to present) is 0.00 inches per decade.
I saw this in my boss’ mail yesterday, and laughed so hard I started coughing.
Unfortunately, SI has been run by “lefty douchebags” for quite some time - see their work on Indian mascots, the Duke lacrosse fiasco, all-male membership rules at Augusta National, pretty much every column by uber-douche Rick Reilly…
Posted by Percy Dovetonsils on 2007 03 08 at 02:17 PM • permalinkOn board were the Twelve:
The poet, the physician, the farmer, the scientist,
The magician, the short stop, the poofter, the politician and the other Gods of our legends.
Though Gods they were -
And as the elders of our time choose to remain blind
Let us rejoice and let us sing and dance and ring in the new
Hail Atlantis!
Way down below the ocean where I wanna be she may be,
Way down below the ocean where I wanna be she may be,
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 03 08 at 02:20 PM • permalinkSpeaking of baseball, here’s one American who prefers cricket:
“But if there’s one good thing that might come out of an Aussie victory, it would be this: Americans might understand, at long last, that cricket isn’t played by a bunch of petunias.”
- heh
I know the Marlins’ ownership has been trying to
blackmailtalk the state of Florida into a new stadium for years, but this is over the top. No way can Dontrelle Willis cry that much.And besides, won’t goebbel warmemening lead to more women needing swimming apparel, thus increasing the circulation for SI’s only relevant issue: The Swimsuit Issue?
Re #32, don’t worry, rbj1, the SI staff will soon cease their objectification and explotation of women by dressing all their models for the next Swimsuit issue in burqas.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 03 08 at 03:38 PM • permalink#32 Jeez, what’s the point of building a new stadium in Fla.
In 5 years, it’ll be under water and will only be used for synchronized swimming and no matter how much you like babes in bikinis, nobody’s gonna pay good money to watch that
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 03 08 at 03:49 PM • permalink“Sports Illustrated has been taken over by lefty douchebags.”
Unfortunately, that happened a while ago.
Posted by Ed Driscoll on 2007 03 08 at 03:52 PM • permalinkAll together, let’s sing the official global warming song!
The seaweed is always greener
In somebody else’s lakeUnder the sea, under the sea
Darling it’s better down where it’s wetter
Take it from meMorons.
Posted by Not My Problem on 2007 03 08 at 04:07 PM • permalinkI was going to post a comment, an especially apt and witty one, calculated to bring forth much laughter and hand applause. Until I saw that Treacher posted two. In a row.
I guess that means he’s laid claim to this thread. Well, I’m not itching for a fight.
Posted by wronwright on 2007 03 08 at 04:19 PM • permalinkNext week’s cover of “People” will show Paris Hilton in rubbers
Surely a more realistic prospect would be to find rubbers in Paris Hilton.
BTW - Yankees to win 105 games this year, win the AL East and to take out the World series.
Posted by Apparatchik on 2007 03 08 at 04:39 PM • permalinkWhat Percy said. (#23)
Swear to God, I thought the picture was of a Harvard Lampoon parody issue, but then I went to my mailbox. SI has been increasingly trying to keep itself relevant to Gen X-Box while also somehow above the sports it covers (and makes money off of). Their leftoid, scolding, holier-than-thou stance is usually overlookable, (except for Rick Reilly), but it seems like they’ve finally jumped the shark. (Plus, the Swimsuit edition is increasing crummy.)
#39 Apparatchik
They’re going to have to go through the Tigers again this year…..not that they went through them last year
Posted by Old Tanker on 2007 03 08 at 05:08 PM • permalinkHmmmm.
Dammit!
Seeing that cover I thought for sure the MLB was finally dead.
Posted by memomachine on 2007 03 08 at 05:49 PM • permalinkSI is a member of the Time family, after all. And sports writers are every bit as liberal as the rest of them.
The Marlins. Feh.
signed,
A Yankee fanPosted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 03 08 at 06:31 PM • permalinkWithout even reading the article, I can guess that it contains a big, wet kiss to the owners of the Marlins, and a big fuck you to the Miami-Dade taxpayers, as the article undoubtedly will address the idea of a new (taxpayer-funded) covered stadium for the Marlins.
Approximately one-half of the Marlins home games experience a rain delay. Needless to say, the Marlins are among the lowest in attendance and season-ticket sales because it is uncertain that a game will start on time, much less finish within 3 hours, due to the weather. The rainy weather was a well-known fact that MLB failed to consider when they awarder the new franchise to billionaire Wayne Huizenga, owner of the stadium in which the team would play.
Of course, the idea that the sports media is increasingly about everything but the sporting contest itself, is nothing new to sports fans. Sports media is just one more tangent of the entertainment world, with paparazzi, gossip, hangers-on and posses, drugs and shootings, PC-speech police, messy divorces, and every story about off-court and off-field activity showing up in the media, with as much prominence as the game and final score itself.
That SI has found another “angle” on which to hang a sports story, is par for the course.
None the less, I stopped subscribing 15 years ago, as it is just dreck. Beyonce on the cover of the swimsuit issue? What a joke!
Dropped my subscription to SI just a few days ago. It started for me when Rick Reilly wrote his column after Pat Tillman was killed going on and on about how much waste there was in the war. I suppose that wouldn’t have bothered me so much, except that he had written glowing praise of some of the pilots who bombed Afghanistan after 9/11. Did he really think the whole war was going to be painless and clean (at least for us). Just a couple of issues ago they wrote a piece sympathetic to Carlos Delgado and talked about his lefty dad and how he refused to stand for the national anthem after the start of the war in Iraq. That was it for me.
I can see it now: “Global warming is a conspiracy by the White Oppressor to drown the black man!” Paranoid visions of whitey in his Klan hood shoving Persons of Color™ off the yacht as the waters rise will soon infuse the likes of DU and the Independent like mold and mildew in a liberated, freethinking womyn’s kitchen…
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 03 08 at 07:49 PM • permalinkSpeaking of once fine magazines that have hit the skids, is Esquire really this bad?
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 03 08 at 07:52 PM • permalinkWell, I guess we can write off the global warming scare now.
As any jock worth a damn can tell you, if you appear on the SI cover *before* you’ve done anything (e.g. win the Superbowl, set a hitting streak record, flood the Earth and wipe out all mankind) then you will never achieve your goals. It’s known as the “SI Curse.”
Really. It is. Look it up. Any sports fan could tell you that. Well, if any sports fans actually read SI any more, that is.
Speaking of once fine magazines that have hit the skids, is Esquire really this bad?
Yes.
Posted by Ed Driscoll on 2007 03 08 at 08:07 PM • permalinkABBOTT: We’ve got some funny names on this team. “Polar Bears are Drowning” on first, “Sea Levels are Rising” on second, and “We’re All Gonna Die!” on third.
COSTELLO: “Polar Bears are Drowning”?
ABBOTT: You’d better believe it!
COSTELLO: I do!
ABBOTT: Good, because otherwise you’d be a denialist!
COSTELLO: And “Sea Levels are Rising”?
ABBOTT: They sure are! 25 meters! Unless you’re a flat-earther!
COSTELLO: We’re all gonna die!
ABBOTT & COSTELLO: Third base!
aaron_, I fixed the underlining. People, please watch what you’re doing.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 03 08 at 08:21 PM • permalinkRow me out to the ball game,
Let me drown with a crowd!
Buy me a life vest and don’t look back
as polar bears find me a moist tasty snack.
So it’s glub, glub, glub, at the home plate
That global warming’s a shame!
Why not build stadiums 10 feet uphill?
(Where it’s dry you fucking retards)
At the old ball gameSomething about it doesn’t quite scan, but it still sings.
At least it won’t have a major effect on water polo- may even enhance it if they can train new mounts for players.
Actually, I’ve just made a stunning discovery- it’s all Ringo’s fault!
My copy arrived in the mail today. It’s full of scawy maps showing Florida underwater (including all coastal sports stadiums), much like maps posted here of some harbor a few months back.
It also theorizes that Willie Mays would not have made his famous catch on Vic Wertz in a globally warmed environment. The ball would have gone another couple of inches.
But the best part is a subhead that reads “China Cleans Up - The race is well under way to clear the air before the 2008 Olympic Games get started.” China is so proactive! Goddamn Americans!
I had already been flirting with cancelling my subscription because of the departure of columnist Steve Rushin, who was brilliant. The magazine seems quite empty without him. Maybe I’ll cancel. Then again maybe not. I mean, come on, does anybody really take SI seriously on issues of science? If I thought for a second they did, I would cancel tomorrow morning.
Maybe I’ll just write a letter, roll it up real tight, and shove it up my ass.
I had already been flirting with cancelling my subscription because of the departure of columnist Steve Rushin, who was brilliant.
Yes! My wife only read one page of SI every week - Rushin. We agreed that he is one of the most talented writers we’ve ever seen. An absolute pleasure to read no matter what he was talking about, because you could just sit in awe of his craft.
It’s a shame that SI has gone all leftard. SI staffer S. L. Price’s book Pitching Around Fidel is one of the most damning indictments of Castro’s Cuba I’ve seen. Well worth reading. I doubt, though, if Price could publish it today.
Posted by Urbs in Horto on 2007 03 09 at 08:28 AM • permalink#21—well, with all natural ice rinks melting and the energy requirements to keep ice rinks cold, hockey is obviously DOOMED.
Nonense. We’ll just move the games to Gore’s house. Then he could explain his utility bills for once. It’s probalby big enough. If not, we’ll move them to John Edwards recreation wing of his new home.
#73 - well, with all natural ice rinks melting and the energy requirements to keep ice rinks cold, hockey is obviously DOOMED.
I can’t even tell you on how many levels that contemplation isn’t funny. Not at all. Not one little bit. Say it again and I will be forced to pull the jersey over your head and beat you senseless with a series of right-hand roundhouses.
It also theorizes that Willie Mays would not have made his famous catch on Vic Wertz in a globally warmed environment. The ball would have gone another couple of inches.
Great. Not only do we have to hear all the frenzied dire prognosticating about the future, now we have to hear about what it would have done to screw up the past. And anyhow, wouldn’t warmer air slow down the ball?
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 03 09 at 12:59 PM • permalinkThen again, the pitch would have been different, and the pitch before that, and the entire game situation would have been different, and maybe Willy Mays’s would have been tragically shortened because a goose would have been out of place and got sucked into the engine of a plane he was on, or worse yet, he would never have been born because his father would have been so hot that he had to get a drink of ice water befor continuing lovin’ and one of the other 200 million sperm he was carrying at the time would have won the race, and what an immeasurable tradgedy that would have been!
Then again, the same thinking could be applied to Hitler, Stalin, Mao, and Pol Pot. So that would be a good thing, but what if Al Gore’s father, after an exhausting day at the Senate taking care of Armmand Hammers business interests hesitated just that one second due to the oppressive heat, MY GOD! There would be NO AL GORE!
Climate Change must be stopped at all costs. That Quantum Leap guy simply would not have the time to fix all of these problems and set the world right.
#37 Not My Problem
Darling it’s better down where it’s wetter
Take it from meHow could anybody sing that with a straight face?
Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2007 03 09 at 04:08 PM • permalinkFrom the sidebar on the Willie Mays catch, entitled “What If…?:”
According to newspaper accounts, it was 76 degrees (F) on Coogan’s Bluff that late Sept. day when Mays made his over-the-shoulder grab. By the calculations of U of Illinois physicist Alan Nathan, had it been 77 degrees (and according to the IPCC, the earth is on average 1.17 degrees warmer than it was in ‘54) the ball would have traveled two inches farther in the less-dense air and thus might have glanced off the edge of May’s outstretched glove.”
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So? Dontrelle Willis is a Marlin. Let him swim.